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LONG BLOG

Matlockery 2.0: Who the Fuck is Jim Sterling?

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After my matlockery last night, I decided to see what else I could weasel out of the internet. I decided to start with Destructoid.

And who's the most mysterious person at Destructoid? Okay, BESIDES Dr. Boa (the clandestine motherfucker.) it would probably Sir Dick McDickface Dick McVengeance. For those of you not in the know, Dick McVengeance is an anime aficianado, and the executive editor of Japanator.com. He is also the enemy of Brad Rice, and best friend of Grimorcist. But the thing that troubles me is that he is the roommate of this man;



THIS MAN HAS A BEARD.
As we should know by now, anyone who has a beard is either a danger to society or a complete bad ass. But what could provoke this 80s born weeaboo to such a dangeous lifestyle? I proceeded to ask him, to which he replied;

"I'm not as dangerous as some people on the Dtoid staff. Like Jim Sterling? He's pretty... wild."

JIM STERLING?! WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
I decided to INVESTIGATE.



A quick Destructoid search of "Dick Jim Sterling" gave me some interesting porno, but it also gave me an article on Jim Sterling...



WHAT!?
Could this be a piece of the puzzle, perhaps?

Being the weirdo I am, I decided to use that weird 3D graphing theory, using the numbers of Jim Sterling's birthday. The picture was cropped weirdly, so I figured, perhaps Dick was screwing with us? So the centric point of (1,1,84) was here.



Of course, after super zoom™, I found this.



A web address. How weird. After going there, I did find something very strange, though. I don't want to spoil it for you, so you'll just have to go there. But what you will find is very, VERY eye opening. JIm, your secret is out, buddy.

The Secret of Jim Sterling III, Esquire

Consider this your lulz for the night.
Now, back to watching Dimitri Martin.
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About water lymonone of us since 2:46 AM on 01.01.2007

SLAM.
BAM.



Thank you, ma'am.

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