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Japan: A Blog pt. 32 of 912

Hey everyone, here's a two-fer for Friday. Two different cblogs for one.

First part: How to do your business... in Japan.

Hey you! Filthy guy! You.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

You're covered in the grit and grime of last night's sordid Biru-Matsuri that you went to and you totally forgot to take a shower before going to bed.


After swearing off all night binge drinking AGAIN, you need to sanitize yourself for daily consumption by the Japanese masses. They expect nothing less than superb cleanliness out of you.

First off, the toilet.

The toilet comes in three flavors. Regular, extra fancy, and Japanese.
Chances are you're living a life of common means and you don't really have much need for the extra fancy toilet. Just enough to do your doodies and your tinkles is enough for you, right?!

Extra fancy is for those in hotels, rich people, and those who seek simple amusements.

Why is it the funnerest toilet in the world?

This is why. You'll never ever want to get up. At least not until you're spring fresh.

And the Japanese toilet:

EEEEEeeee, um, where's the seat, yo?

So your regular toilet, you do your business, whichever you choose, what do you do...

Left is for pooples, right for tinkles...

After you flush, make sure to wash your hands. Be eco-friendly and use the water that's full of bleach tablets and 2000 Flushes Blue.

Actually, it's straight off the tap, the runoff goes to flushing the toilet, but you will look weird drinking water off of it...

Now it's bath time!.

The Japanese aren't so big on bathtubs. They soak in 'em, but to get clean, you gotta shower first. Here's your equipment, standard as standard gets.

Oh, and here's what it's attached to.

Now it's rather easy to take a hot shower with this setup. First, there's a gas line switch off camera to the left... Turn the gas on. Next, hold down the switch on the right, flip to the right, hold the switch and turn in to 11 o'clock to the setting for charging. Hold the switch down in place and turn the lower crank clockwise for two full turns. Then, continue holding the switch for an addition 10 seconds. After that, move the switch from 11 o'clock to the postition seen here. 8 o'clock basically. From there, adjust your desired temperature using the dial on the left. 1 being about 100 degrees F, and 2 being roughly 400 degrees. I didn't want to find out what 7 was because I didn't want a nuclear reaction while in the shower. I have easily sunburned skin.

So, from there, flip the top switch to the left to turn the shower head on. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE SHOWER WAND AIMED AWAY FROM YOU!!!! You're either going to get ice water or boiling hot water immediately out of the shower head. Best to aim it at a loved one not in the shower with you.

After showering, you're welcome to hop in the tub to relax, but you've got no time for that. YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK!


Second part: CRUNKY TIME!!!!
5 pm. Japan.
Everyone, it's time to bust it for the weekend and get crunked!


I'll just swing by the liquor store and grab a bottle of mal... Hello, what's this?

Is it bar form liquor? Can I get masssively drunk up on it?

Ah it's... wait. maybe they're liqueur flavored... I can get crunk'd on that, right?

This is promising, apparently, there's a LOTTE of liquor in these. OH YEAH!!!!

It's ah... oh. Crunch bars. oh... Ah.... man.

Well, I'm going to have to settle for the warm glow of eating too much chocolate all at once.

Have a great weekend guys!
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About BluDesignone of us since 11:49 AM on 11.10.2006

I own a FamPuter, which is a 100% fake Famicom. And I do own Super Mario Bros. and Rockman 2 for it, which you don't. :P

I'm a 34 year old gamer. I cannot hang out with most of you, and you should not contact me to buy you cheap wine or cigarettes. I do not like jail. Seriously, I own all three consoles and I don't discriminate. Gaming is for fun, not for sissy slapfights. If you consider yourself partial to a particular console, I don't care why you don't own other consoles, I don't want to hear about it. If you're going to bitch about something, you'd better bring some hard evidence of why you're complaining if you want to cry on my shoulder.

Enjoy this wonderful picture of 2 generations coming together at last...

PS - I eat trolls.

PPS - I've been to Japan. Maybe you've heard about it? If not, read up here:

Part 1: Introductions
Part 2: Yamagata's Hanagasa Festival
Part 3: Harajuku Girls and the lack thereof
Part 4: You're not in Kansas anymore, Niero (TGS07)
Part 5: Fresh from the farm to your mouth
Part 6: Going to Japan is hard
Part 7: 30 days takes forever
Part 8: Rape, Rocks, and Alliteration
Part 9: Small Town Nightlife
Part 10: Bling Bling, Hundred Thousand Yen Bill Ya'll
Part 10 Part 2: Mount Yamadera
Part 11: The Japanese Wal-Mart
Part 12: Goin' Down to Tokyo Town
Part 13: Ghiblit Gravy
Part 14: Air Sex
Part 15: Ganguros of New Tokyo
Part 16: The Contest Announcement
Part 17: The Contest
Part 18: The Trip Itinerary
Part 19: Tokyo Day 2
Part 20: Tokyo Day 2 Part 2 (of 2)
Part 21 is no longer there, but it wasn't all that great anyway, so you're not missing out.
Part 22: Happy Picture Montage Time!
Part 23: I have arrived.
Part 24: I have returned.
Part 25: The Case for the American Cheeseburger
Part 26: Random pictures are random
Part 27: A Free Gift for Those Who've Been Paying Attention
Part 28: Nintendo, no seriously, NINTENDO
Part 29: Racists in Japan, Discriminating against the handicapped
Special Report from Cheapy D at CAG
Part 30: The Secret Truth About Japan
Part 31: Oz-Matsuri
Part 32: The Japanese Don't Have Antiperspirant Deodorant

Part 33: There's this Disney character named Stitch in Japan...
Part 34: Trainspotting: Live From Kyoto
Part 35: Kyoto for Beginners
Part 36: Kyoto Smash: Advance Lesson in Fun Time
Part 37: Some Japanese people are alcoholics
Part 38: Hardcore Otaku know where the real action is
Part 40: My attempt at getting the Oscar for Best Japanese Picture
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 42: I sneak into a movie studio to pitch my movie
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 43: My film idea is shot down in favor of yet another Power Rangers TV show
Part 44: Excessive Male Nudity in Japan
Part 45: The Japanese grocery store has no deli counter
Part 46: How the Japanese language is worked into Japan's society
Part 47: Izukayas and you: How the Japanese drink in public
Part 48: All you really need to know about the Tokyo Auto Show
Part 49: Gyudon Rocks.
Part 50: Tendo is the coolest place in all of Japan
Part 51: I really did poop immediately after that shot
Part 52: A Beginner's Guide to Tokyo Disney Sea
Part 53: There is no comparison. Cheeseburgers win.
Part 55: You've never had Tonkatsu, so you wouldn't understand
Part 56: Japanese iTunes for the Mac addict
Part 57: The other kind of Curry
Part 58: Popular Pop and "Lock" music in Japan
Part 59: I sing like how cats have sex
Part 60: The Iron Penis Festival
Part 61: A sad bit about racism in Japan
Part 9001: Electro Lemon's whirlwind visit to Tokyo
Xbox LIVE:metalocalypse
PSN ID:BluDesign
Mii code:5154504518393743


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