Real name: Mike
Lives in: Dallas, Tx
Occupation: Mayor of Metro City
Member of: Official Destructoid Beard Club
Consoles: 360, ds, snes, ps2
Hobbies: Games, reading, guitar, drinking
Because The GHost is teh awesome, my dtoid playing card:
Wanderingpixel is also awesome.
All of the things
Teh Randomtoid Linktoid
(This is all my randomtoid blogs in one spot)
My Dtoid Thank You Note One year w00t! Avatar Chat My Feelings On "Next-Gen"
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Lost: Via Domus
Community Discussion Time! Gaming Journalism
Oh snap! Front paged! Playing with Others: The Death of Split-Screen
My Left 4 Dead Dream Movie
Myspace profile: what the fuck is a myspace and when did this get here?
To e-mail malicious hatemail: [email protected]
To whomever drew my header: Awesome
Note: old header link here
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,
Also, I make people from Pheonix Wright cry:
Also, also, sparkle:
Also, also, also, jiggles:
Also, also, also, also, Trent!
Also, X-mas Shake(a.k.a. itemforty is teh sex)