Quick, what is the greatest Mega Man game in existence? If you answered Mega Man Soccer, congratulations, your opinion has been erased from the annals of human history and every hair on your ass is to be plucked violently and hot glued to your already thick-as-fuck eyebrows. If you said Mega Man 2 or Mega Man 3, then you are boring and unoriginal, because everyone says those two. But dammit, there is a reason for that! And while most people will sing Mega Man 2's praises, which are indeed warranted, and while Mega Man 2 was probably the first time a video game sequel came out that was better than the original in every conceivable way, Mega Man 3 is still my favorite, so poo on you. "But why do you like Mega Man 3 the best? What reasons do you have for this? Also, Capcom killed Mega Man and they gave a fan money to make some collaboration game that I didn't even like and he isn't even relevant anymore and why is he called the Blue Bomber when his bombs aren't even blue and does he even have bombs and rabble, rabble, rabble, Mega Man Legends 3." Thank you for that cohesive run-on sentence, imaginary, rabid Mega Man fan, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here and talk about the dreary present, but rather the golden days of everyone's favorite robot who destroys his own robot brothers and steals their souls for unprecedented power and nourishment.
I used to rent Mega Man 3 obsessively from my neighborhood video store, until the day they started selling Nintendo games for cheap and I bought it for $5 (it still has rental stickers all over it, but Inafune signed it at New York Comic Con for me, so it is my favorite ghetto-ass video game cartridge). The intro is bare bones compared to Mega Man 2 because it is just a title screen, but the music is fucking amazing and let it play before you press start, you heartless monsters. You will see 8 robot masters for you to defeat, but also Mega Man is in the middle, and his eyes follow your cursor, SO MAKE THAT FUCKER DIZZY JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN. You can start off with whatever boss you feel is easiest (I usually go after Top Man first) but I believe Mega Man 3 is the only game in the series where there is no order that works with boss weaknesses from start to finish (meaning there is a point where the order closes and you have to defeat a boss without having his weakness, so you have to improvise with another weapon or just your regular shots). Anyway, you'll start playing and notice that every stage has great tunes and a unique layout, sometimes with giant robot cats with fleas and clamps that will rip out your genitals and make a horrifying sound akin to an 8-bit queef when they appear onscreen. Also, Mega Man 3 is the entry in the series that introduced the slide (complete with Mega Man's face screaming "FUCK YEAH!" as he does it) and Rush, the robot dog that can transform into a jet, submarine, and coil spring, because why the hell not?
While you are destroying robots with your ever-increasing arsenal of the most dangerous weapons known to man (Top Spin), you will encounter a robot very similar to you, which is probably because he is your older brother (spoilers!). His name is Proto Man, and you can tell he is around by the tune of his whistle (pause your game right when you hear it, because then you can hear his song in its full glory). He has a bitchin' scarf, shield, hops around like a jack rabbit with a needle in his dick, and fires shots like crazy. Luckily, you know of the slide and its benefits, so you can use it to dodge, no matter how silly you look. Proto Man can only be defeated by your regular, trusty-old Mega Buster, so be quick with your trigger finger to force him to retreat, unless you get a kick out of watching all your other weapons bounce off him harmlessly. You also fight Proto Man in an actual boss fight instead of as a mid-stage mini-boss, but he wears a disguise and is called Break Man for some reason. This happens before you go to Wily's Castle, but after the game's greatest twist.
After Mega Man defeats the 8 robot masters, MYSTERIOUS, SCARY-LOOKING robots appear in some of the stages you have already been to on the title screen, while all the other stages get crushed in a very threatening manner. When you go back to these 4 stages, you will find that each level's layout has changed drastically (I liked how Needle Man's stage turned to dusk in the background) and they are significantly harder to clear. Part of this is due to more enemies and challenging platforming, but most of it is due to the various Doc Robots. 2 Doc Robots appear in each stage, one in the middle and one at the end, and they FUCKIN' ABSORB THE BOSSES FROM MEGA MAN 2 INTO THEIR ROBOT FLESH AND GAIN THEIR ABILITIES, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. I remember seeing this as a child and silently screaming in my brain, because I knew I didn't have any of the bosses' powers from Mega Man 2 (stupid Mega Man always throwing out his weapons between games, HOW COULD YOU BE SO NEGLIGENT, GOD!). Thankfully, the Doc Robots are weak to the powers from the bosses of Mega Man 3, though I always forget the order in every playthrough, damn my soon-to-be 28 year old brain! Between the 8 robot masters, the 8 Doc Robots, Proto Man, and the extensive Wily's Castle, Mega Man 3 is long and feels quite epic and ambitious in its scope.
Mega Man 3 is incredible and loads of fun. It has great bosses like Shadow Man (ninja) and Gemini Man (laser fucker with a twin) and fun stages, some of which have overflowing lava and blue sperms with faces. There are plenty of stages with gaps and water, so Rush will feel well-loved and important every time you force him to violently change shape into a jet or submarine, which I imagine is quite painful, even for a robot. Mega Man 3 is also quite challenging, and you can cheat if the difficulty gets to you and fall into a pit and "die" if a second controller is plugged in (basically you can lose all your health, cause the game's music to stop because it thinks you are dead, and jump back out of said chasm as a zombie robot who cannot be killed, unless you pick up a health power-up). It is fun to play as a zombie because you can only use the weapons you have gained from bosses and the only way you can use your Mega Buster is if you call out Rush Coil and shoot while Rush stares blankly ahead, wondering if he was ever truly needed by you at all. I also love Wily's Castle because you get to fight 3 Mega Man clones instead of 1 (suck it, Mega Man 1!) and can destroy the mighty Gamma at the end using the almighty, ridiculous Top Spin. Mega Man 3's ending is also quite heartfelt and made me shed a tear. I won't spoil it, but I don't think I'd be revealing too much by saying Proto Man saves your life after you get knocked unconscious by debris when Wily's Castle begins to crumble. I leave you with the happiest Game Over/Password screen music in existence!
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About NakedBigBossone of us since 1:58 PM on 06.09.2012
My name is Arthur Damian, I am 31 years old, and I've been gaming since the NES era. I like the new school and the old school. Chrono Trigger is the bestest game ever, and Junction is the worstest. I love to write, and am currently working at Lehman College, helping students transfer in their credits from other universities. I also love vidja gamez, and right now I'm playing games on the PS4, even though I have a huge backlog of games on the Wii and 360 to go through. BLURG. I also work for That VideoGame Blog now as editor-in-chief, writing and editing daily news posts! YAY!
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