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I Am Alive: The Zombor Review

May I please make a controversy?
Here is the controversy: I am not alive. (DON'T GET ANGRY!!) I realize that some of my undeceased brothers and sisters become angered when I talk about life and unlife. Some think that, in order for the Predeceased and Undeceased to coexist peacefully, we must continually change our language in order to make it reflect the kind of world we want to unhabit.
I almost agree with that sentiment. It is valid. But I don't think it is necessary. And, furthermores, I think it does a disservice to our current (un)lived realities. Embracing un-deceasement is ultimately a good thing, like this cow:

BUT, all the above text is merely a hyper-literate and hyper-intelligent way of saying that there's a big, awful, throbbing, blinding Con. Tro. Ver. Sy about the title of the videogame entitled:::
"I.... AM......ALIIIIIVE!!!!"
What exactly is the big sexy Con Tra Cep Tion? Well, idiot, I just explained it above. Go away moron.
Now it's time for the proper review to begin!!!!
This videogame is one that, as such, takes place entirely in Black And White. At first, one might be thinking it is an artistic statement on behalf of the publisher who developed the game. You would be incorrect. It is, rather, the Final Step in this generation's abandonment of color and sexy. It started with the Gears Of The War.

No sexy.
It continued with the Gears Of The 2nd World War.
It continued again with the Gears From The 3rd War Of The Worlds. (And in between there were many games that also attempted to not use colors.)

I Am Alive is the very culmination of the process of making games less sexy. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT GENITALIA FOR NOW HAHA THAT IS A FUNNY!!!!
The climbing is exactly like if Assassin's Brotherhood and Uncharted and Prototype and Infamous and Enslaved and Uncharted 2 and Assassin's Revelaitions and Prototype 2 and Uncharted 3 and Assassin's First and Infamous 2 and Assassin's Second all had a big fat baby and named it I Am Alive
There is a part where you shoot people in the face. That is very much like Far Cry 3, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Red Dead Redemptor, Far Cry 2, Grand Theft Also, Far Cry Instincts, Deus Ex: Invisible War, Mass FX Infiltrator, and Age Of Empires Online.

It is also a reference to Pulp Fiction because people get shot in their faces. Typically when a human is shot in his/her/ziz/zer ugly stupid human face, they will die of immediacy. This makes the title of the game (I Am Being Alive) pleasingly ironic.

The review is now over. You have received a splendid quantity of informations on this fine day. This is now your happy chance to leave pics and gifs of cows in the comments section!!!

4 important and Orwellian matters:

1. Follow my twat: @zombieorwell, and tell me things about informations.
2. Go here to obtain a short PDF called The Zombor Compendium. It is part one in a series of compendiums chronicling my leadership of the beloved Destructzord.
3. Share it with people who have emotional problems. It will fix them.
4. Consider writing a short foreword to be included in one of the upcoming episodes of The Zombor Compendium.


Your leader,
Zombie Orwell

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About Zombie Orwellone of us since 3:07 PM on 03.30.2012

My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me ([email protected]) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!