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Eiffel 65: Europop. The Zombor Review

DZORD IS FOR LOVERS!! Specifically, lovers of the zombie who is Orwell (who is me). It is also for lovers of europop, which is a dance craze conquering discotheques worldwide.

Obviously it is easier to hunt humans in dance clubs, due to low lighting, high volume, and impaired brain chemistry. Occasionally the Gods Of Foamy Bubbles will deign to bathe the dancing humans. It's like shooting fish-humans in a barrel of foam.

On my most recent hunting excursion I came upon a Musical Record by a band called Eiffel 65. We shall now examine their masterpiece of human-distraction music, track by track.

1. Blue (Da Ba Dee)
This track starts out with a robot telling us "Yo, listen up!" Right away, it's clear that this album is some SERIOUS business. You have our attention, little robot.

The robot tells us about a friend of his who lives a remarkably blue life. He is blue, his girlfriend is blue, even his little window is blue. TAKE THAT, ADELE!!

2. Too Much of Heaven
Hymn for the dance crowd and Prosperity Gospel-ers. Money is too much of heaven. The robot gets a little more sing-y here. Learning to emote. His growth is astonishing.

3. Dub in Life
"Everyone is looking for the dub in this life."


4. Living in a Bubble
Robot posits a difference between bubbles and reality. My god, he's already a philosopher. Now I understand why Commander Shepard was scared of Artificial Intelligence. It could potentially be used to destroy humanity.

5. Move Your Body
The robot explains how to maintain a working robotic body. It must be moved. Rolling synths hit that point home. The robot then mentions moving its mind.

We must keep an eye on him.

6. My Console
This track is the coup de grace of the album. Look for my full review of this masterpiece tomorrow. Until then I will avoid spoilers.

7. Your Clown
The robot channels Tears For Fears. Employs metaphors and knowledge of shapes. Slower ballad type song. Semi-minimalist instrumentation.

8. Another Race
Dancefloor jam about the Hanars from Mass Effect. "They seem to walk on air and they act real strange." The synth bass line seems to be Morse code. Wonder what it says...

9. The Edge
"I've been to the edge."

Those are the only lyrics. More synth in Morse code. The robot is sending messages. Almost definitely planning something.

10. Now is Forever
The robot does some deep philosophy on the impossibility of time travel. There are some backwards lyrics as well. I need somebody to reverse the song and report the contents. Thank you.

11. Silicon World
This is the robot's mission statement. "All that I want is a silicon world." It is also an invitation to "come into my silicon world." I need somebody to contact this robot and propose a meeting.

The music is at once exploratory and triumphant. Strings and proto-wubs. Check it out:

12. Europop
The lynchpin of this album declares something heretofore unknown: the Europop genre was invented on the robot's homeworld. "It's a musical kink comin' from our world." Yet it infects dance floors worldwide.


13. Hyperlink (Deep Down)
The robot intends to perform intercourse with me electronically. Using hyperlinks. It is aware of me. Must find a way to contact it.

"A hyperlink to go inside you (deep down)."

14. Blue (Da Ba Dee) (extended mix)
Longer version of track #1.

Musically I give this album 5 stars. Politically/strategically I give it infinite stars. I must have immediate contact with the robot ambassador. We have found a valuable new ally. Find him.

Your leader,
Zombie Orwell
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About Zombie Orwellone of us since 3:07 PM on 03.30.2012

My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me ([email protected]) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!