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LONG BLOG

Feel the Hatred: Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate.

   0


I hate games that have no "save anywhere" function and you put forth a huge time investment in it, only to die and start the game all over again. Any game that doesn't employ this save feature should get shitty reviews regardless of how good the game may be.

I hate games that have indestructible trees. You can be driving a tank and smash right into them and you take damage not the tree.

I hate games that have an ocean or lake and you can't swim in them.

I hate unwrapping a brand new game and putting the game disc in to play it only for it to tell me it needs to install in my hard drive. Somehow waiting an additional 10 minutes is supposed to be fun.

I hate games that have invisible walls to deter you from going further in a particular direction. If you don't want me to go there then don't make it look like I can go there and put a fucking building or a wall or your mom.

I hate games that make you memorize a set pattern or you die. Instead of skill to progress you have to do the old trial by fire routine until you see how to cheat to live.

I hate games that are supposed to be really good and turn out to be shit.

I hate games that for some inexplicable reason freeze at a pivotal moment causing you to have to reboot the damn thing and lose all your work.

I hate games that don't let you skip the cutscenes. That is gay. Game developers that do this should be forced to watch the same episode of Matlock. Over and over and over again.

I hate any game that has a door you can't kick open instead of look for some dumb ass key or code.

I hate racing sims that are supposed to be realistic and the car never runs out of gas.

I hate playing an online game without dedicated servers. Could be I don't like getting raped by the host even though he sucks and you should be by all accounts destroying him.

I hate games that let you create a custom character and restricts you from using them online against your friends in multiplayer modes.

I hate games that cost sixty bucks or more.

I hate games that waste a good hour of playtime showing you how to play the game in a few tutorial levels. That's what a toilet , your bowels and an instruction manual is for.

I hate those one out of fifty games that when you play them, you have to adjust your volume down or your speakers will blow your eardrums away.

I hate having to wait for any game to load then when it does you have to wait for the menu to load, then finally the game.

I hate a game where my character gets stuck on a shrub or a wall or air.

I hate playing a character that's mute. It's like you're playing a fucking mime or something.

I hate playing a character that has to talk every second. Especially one that has to recite one liners that would've been cool like never.



I hate a game that gives you a totally kick ass weapon but you can't use it whenever you want only in certain areas of the game.

I hate it when you beat a game you have enjoyed playing through yet the ending is lame or mediocre or lame, mediocre and silly.

I hate games that the jump button when pressed doesn't make you jump.

I hate online co-op enabled games that the online co-op mode doesn't work.

I hate movie licensed games. They all suck with the exception of Riddick. But that was a fluke.

I hate games that have health packs that miraculously bring you back to tip top shape in no time. Somebody just got their gun off on me and this glowing green sphere with a medpack saved the day.

I hate any sword fighting game that doesn't let you decapitate your opponent.

I hate games with no blood when you shoot or kill somebody proper.

I hate football games that are done by a certain company that rhymes with shehay.

I hate games that are like a hundred hours to complete but get boring four hours into it.

I hate any MMO that makes me pay monthly to play it after I paid for said game already.

I hate games that their whole color theme is either brown or gray or both. I bought an expensive 1080p HDTV so I can see an unparalleled amount of detail and color and you give me brown or gray.

I hate games where you kill people and their dead bodies vanish but for whatever reason their blood stain stays on the ground. I want to review my carnage at all times and seeing a mountain of dead bodies you can ski on would multiply my fun factor by ten thousand.

I hate game trilogies. They tend to suck.

I hate games that force me to use a motion control method. If I wanted to move my hands back and forth I would be doing something else.

I hate games that have subtitles in them ... and they're in english.

I hate RPGs who's male characters look more womanly then the women characters.

I hate game developers that want to give us their two cents worth about everything and everyone. All that time they're using showboating could be used working on whatever game they're doing at the time to get it out faster to the public.

I hate that a sequel to Ico still hasn't been made.

I hate games that are exclusive to one platform for the poor people of the world who don't own all the consoles.

I hate when same poor people transform themselves into fanboys of a particular console to justify their choice and purchase of it.

and in closing ...

I hate the Dtoid gamers that went to PAX, had an epic time and posted pictures, blogs, used condoms and videos to rub in my face all the fun I missed. Thanks alot. Maybe you can just title the next PAX recap blog:

How much longer are YOU willing to look like be a DUMBASS by not going to PAX??
Login to vote this up!


 
 

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About Y0j1mb0one of us since 8:17 PM on 11.17.2007



Veni, vidi, vici.

Name: Francisco *AKA* Y0j1mb0

Age: 38. I'm the residential Old Geezer of Destructoid & You Tube Superstar.



Likes: Poker, Roast Beef Sandwiches, unsolicited sex, video games of all genres.

Dislikes: Elitist Pricks, Hippies, People who use the words "But I digress" and "n00bz"

Consoles I Own: PS3, Wii, Xbox 360, PSP Slim, DS Lite.
[ PSN:k0wb0y-b33b0p - Friend Code: 0774-3918-3804 - LIVE: y0j1mb0 ]


Founding Member of The Official Destructoid Beard Club and once Proud Reserve Recap Cblogger.

Past proprietor of PS3 Friday Night Fights and PS3's Poker Nights

For those who are weird and may actually want to read more of my stuff here are things off the blog I do. Occasionally I wrote for Flixist, a rad movie site where, get this, we talked about and reviewed movies. I have long since stopped writing there ( and here ) as I feel like I've said all I have had cooped up in my head without sounding redundant.

Epic Card Courtesy of The Ghost.


Xbox LIVE:y0j1mb0
PSN ID:k0wb0y-b33b0p
BattleNET:[email protected]
Mii code:0774-3918-3804


 

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