About Valdred Dethstormone of us since 3:29 PM on 05.09.2013
A goodly length in times past, I was born between salt and smoke during a stormy night.
I'm the ham that was promised. The hero of bananas.
Hailing from Mexico, I present myself to thee.
The name's Valdred, and I think I lost my mind after betting it during a poker game with a pizza-eating squirrel.
I lost the game, of course.
23 years have passed since I first appeared in this chaotic world, full of rainbows and corgis. Mine platform of choice is a Xbox 360, and a Pikachu Nintendo 3DS is hidden in my underpants.
Fear me and despair, ye mortals.