mood: and more than a bit pissed
music: Tom Waits
The Bischaus is currently empty of all it's extra house guests. Our home is ours again.
I'm glad that we could help out a friend but the time for them to get on the with the gettin' on is loooong past. Part of me feels like I'm throwing him to the wolves and part of me just sits there and thinks "For the love of god! Grow up time is now, dude!".
Seems like, this year, I've had to do that with far too many people I know. Allowing them to coast through life by riding on my back. By excusing their (sometimes very) bad behavour, not calling them out on it when they do really shitty things to people. Making constant excuses for why they just can't seem to get it together. Failing to care for myself just so I can make sure that others are comfortable.
I just can't do it anymore. And I won't.
It's time for you guys to try on the "big boy" pants.
Yes that means you can't crash at your friends house all weekend because you had "one too many" on Friday night and don't want to drive. Don't drink so much. Or better yet, just don't drink. Go home. You pay rent to live there. Do it.
Yes that means you need to look for a place to live. My spare room is offered out of friendship and I'm happy to do it but I'm not a boarding house.
Yes that means you will have to pay your part once the dinner bill is delivered. "Gosh guys. All I have is my card." gets so fucking old so fucking fast. I'm not your personal ATM.
Yes that means you will have to take responsibility for your financial future and get a fucking job. Preferably one that your don't have to wear a name-tag to. You worked for that degree, perhaps it's time for you to actually do something with it instead of making weak excuses why the world hasn't crowned you Rock Star In Residence just by virtue of your mere existence.
Yes that means that you can't just "hot drop" your children on me because you want to get laid tonight (for those that actually have a sex life that extends outside of teh internetz). I'm not your babysitting service. I love your kids but I'm not getting paid near enough to feed, cloth and entertain them for the entire weekend. You had them. They're your responsibility not mine.
Yes that means you sometimes have to do without your booze/drugs because you really do have bills to pay. This goes along with budgeting/saving money. A concept that seems overly foreign to some of you.
Yes that means you really might want to cut down on your recreational substance use. Oh you can't pay your part of the power bill because you dropped $150 on a bag of weed last night? Not. My. Fucking. Problem. Also, watching you yell "I'm so fucking high." for the tenth time in as many minutes got old at 122 seconds. You're not Greg House. Get over it.
Also: Patient_0, you are a fat, (and by your own words "gruesome") fuck.
Yes that means doing without for many many things. These are the hard choices that I've seen far too many people hide from and consciously avoid this year. Sometimes taking great and ludicrous steps to run as far and as fast as they can to take the easy way out.
It's sad to watch. And it's sadder still when you can sit and reflect on the great disservice you've done them because you've helped them to do it by not calling them out on it sooner.
And that too is part of growing up, realising my part in enabling this sort of thing. It's not something I'm enjoying at the moment. It's not something I particularly relish, it's hard to lose people you love. It's hard to watch old friendships wither and die. Too many deaths in the family this year. And make no mistake, there is more than a whiff of death in this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. I will be more thoroughly relieved to see New Years Eve than I can ever remember.
It's only just a few scant months away and then, perhaps, I'll feel like I can let this all finally go.