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So, this happened...


I don't know if you're aware, but every now and then we talk to [email protected] Th0mpson. He's actually not such a bad guy; certainly not the rabid madman everyone makes him out to be. At least that's what I'd thought. If you're wondering why I'm spelling [email protected] Th0mpson this way, it's because he apparently has a daily routine of obsessivley Googling his own name, and the last thing I need is for him to end up at this post and have another excuse to start emailing us again.

In any case, The Destructoid staff checked their inboxes on Friday to find this:

[email protected] Th0mpson to Tips, 1:51pm:
"I don't have wet dreams. I'm sexually active unlike a large number of gamers"

Uh... 'kay. Thanks for that update. Why the fuck are you randomly telling us this out of nowhere? Then I remembered Gizmodo's post on HL2 with real guns that said othewise. I tried to clear up some confusion. Things took an unexpected detour into candyland shortly thereafter. I'll just leave this here.

Topher to Jack, 1:53pm:
"Perhaps you've got us mistaken for another outlet, sir.
http://gizmodo.com/5332305/half+life-played-with-real-guns-is-jack-thompsons-wet-dream "

Jack to Topher, 2:07pm:
"No, you have a story on it today, ace, and you're posting comments about my wet dreams. Really classy, but you're Destructoid, so what should I expect?"

Topher to Jack, 2:19pm:
"For starters, you should expect that I'd know today's date, which is the 14th of August, Twenty-ought-niner. If the story you're refering to is this one:


That was written on the 8th, nearly a week ago. Secondly, the only thing mentioning whatever business might take place in your sleep is a quote, taken from the original headline I linked from another website previously."

Jack to Topher, 5:36pm:
"My, you're dumb."

Topher to Jack, 5:45pm:
"A mature and eloquent response, but that doesn't quite provide us with any evidence to clear up the misunderstanding. Whatever site you happened to have seen this on, it wasn't ours, at least not today. Thanks for stopping by, though."

Jack to Topher, 10:37pm:
"it's at your site. grow up, stop bothering me, and clean up your pornheads"

Topher to Jack, 11:02pm:
"Correct me if I'm wrong, sir, but it was you who wrote us out of the blue this morning with unwarranted information regarding your sex life, which you have monumentally overestimated our interest in, trust me. Who's bothering who? All I asked was that you direct us toward this thing you've accused us of saying, which you appear unable to do. Most likely because we didn't say it and have no idea what it is you're even talking about. Ace.

Either way, I'm more than happy to end any and all discussion on the topic, as we really didn't need to know that. Enjoy your evening, sir."

Jack to Topher, 8/15 7:33am:
"I didn't write you about my sex life. I wrote you about scum like you. Go to Hell more expeditiously. thanks"

Jack to Tips, 8/15 7:35am: [Note: this was in 20-something point sized text]
"Here it is, you total moron:

http://www.destructoid.com/half-life-with-real-guns-should-not-be-tried-at-home-143317.phtml "

[Let the record show that this was the exact same post I linked to the first time, quoting Gizmodo's words, not ours, from a week ago. Not sure why it took him so long to find it.]

Matt Razak to Jack, Tips, 8:37am:
"Hi Jack,

As the author of that post I'd like to make it perfectly clear that the wet dream comment was a quote of the headline taken from the original source that Topher linked to in his original response to your email (http://gizmodo.com/5332305/half+life-played-with-real-guns-is-jack-thompsons-wet-dream). The wet dream comment was not mine or Destructoids so I'm not sure what prompted you to email us and not Gizmodo about that since I make it pretty clear in the story that it was their words.

However, I did infer that you're an idiot, and despite your unprofessional response to my colleague and friend, who you have now insulted twice, I will offer up an apology as I have never met you and can understand how your feelings could be hurt by such a barbed insult. Hopefully this clears up the confusion."

Jack to Matt, Tips, 8:44am:
"Feelings hurt? I don't think so. The problem is that video game enthusiasts who participate in posts such as this are simply serial slanderers. You know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about who I am, what I have done, and what my foibles are. I have many. They are not what the jerks at Destructoid presume. I went out to Dallas on July 4 to address the ScrewAttack convention, and the opinion of nearly every gamer there was that I am not the person described at Destructoid or GamePolitics.

You people need to grow up and learn that whatever you read on the Internet is very probably false. Most adults understand that."

Matt Razak to Tips, 8:58am:
"Well I tried..."

Jim Sterling to Jack, Tips, 9:06am:
"If what we'd done is defamation, technically we'd be serial libelers, not slanderers, Mr. Thompson."

Topher to Jack, 10:30am:
"You'd do well to take some of your own advice, sir. Remember, I was the guy who invited you to breakfast some time ago because I in fact don't believe every little thing I've read about you. I'll be happy to forward you those emails if you've forgotten. Upon reading them, or simply looking at the current conversation, you'll find that I've been nothing but respectful to you throughout every discourse we've ever had.

Why you feel the need to repay that with childish insults and instructions to go to hell is bit confusing, but I guess if one believes everything they read about gamers you might have assumed I was screwing with you. Whatever you're thinking, I haven't said or done anything to warrant your speaking to me that way. "Most adults" would apologize.

I'm done here if you are, Mr. Thompson."

Jack to Topher, 1:50pm:
"Topher, go be a gopher and crawl into a hole. all of you idiots there bore me"

[Note: LOL]

Topher to Jack, 3:40pm::
"... That's so goddamned silly I don't even know what to say.

Really Jack? Seriously? I hope you didn't spend too much time mining
that little gem. I'll leave you alone now, so you needn't bother
replying, but just... Wow."

Jim Sterling to Jack, tips:
"Seriously. His surname provides so much more ammunition!"

Jack to Topher, 5:44pm:
"get a real name. thanks"

[Note: Double checked my passport, license and all my mail just to make sure.]

Topher to Jack, 6:03pm:
"That is my real name, thanks. This is how you defend yourself in an
argument? Like an 8 year old? No wonder you're out of a job. Not
kidding, stop emailing me. We're done here. If you can't converse like
an adult I've got nothing else to say to you. Stop replying."

Jack to Topher, 8/16 6:52am:
"I have a job and it's not posting articles about wet dreams. Looks like you and your collegagues there have some sort of [email protected] thomps0n fetish. get help"

Not sure what that job is, unless it's professional elementary school brat. Anyway, yeah. Don't believe everything you read about him, kids.
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About Topher Cantlerone of us since 9:54 AM on 11.13.2006