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Do your balls hang low, Can you swing them to and fro


Allow me if you will for a moment to quake the UK TV series Bottom

Do your balls hand low
Can you swing then to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot
Can you tie them in a bow
Do you get a funny feeling
When they’re hanging from the ceiling
Oh you’ll never be a sailor if you balls hang low

Oh and to warn you that you some people might find this blog slightly offensive

So now I guess I probably should explain what on earth this is about. Every time jiggle physics are brought up as a topic, you can normally at some point expect a comment along the lines of.
“Well how would you feel if there was ball or penis jiggle physics ?”

The implication being “You wouldn’t like a game with penis jiggle physics just as some women hate a game because of breast jiggle physics”. Now I’ve been deliberately trying to essentially go into games that should take me outside of my comfort zone, I played My Ex Boyfriend the Space Tyrant , a self proclaimed Gay adventure game. Now the big challenge was to find a game with dick jiggle physics, the main trick of the comment is that that while breast physics are common, dick physics are non-existent, or so you would think.

As it turns out there is a game with Penis Jiggle Physics, it’s on XBLIG, a service for whom games that sell well can be summed up unfortunately all too well by the following picture.

Picture collage courtesy of Daniel Steger who made the game I'm about to talk about

If a deliberate parody of the XBLIG culture or gaming in general allow me to introduce you to the game of large burley men climbing on top of one another while wearing banana hammocks. 

So initially I was going to review this game, because that’s what I normally do. However this game managed to actually give me insight into the jiggle physics issues and actually bring me to at least be a little more firm in my belief that boob focus itself is part of the issue. 

I started playing Mount your friends and I will admit initially I was weirded out a little, this is the first game I’ve ever played with penis jiggle physics after all. However as I kept playing, you know what happened ? I stopped focusing on the jiggling penises and actually started to look at the game. Now considering the developers previous work the baby maker extreme games, this one very much fitted the same type of game. It’s a fairly simple mini game style thing (there’s nothing wrong with that it’s an 80 Microsoft points / $1 game) it’s fun enough in short-ish bursts maybe 1 hour of play at most. It won’t hold your attention for a long time, but it was never meant to really.

The main goal is simple to climb and make a tower, in vs it’s simply to cause you opponent to fail to add to the tower. Each round gives you 60 second to reach the top of the tower and add another person onto it, the challenge comes from all your limbs sticking to anything they touch (allowing you to climb) but also requiring you to individually control them and unstick them from the surface they attach to. So you have a very unusual method of climbing up and have to remember what buttons to press and what ones are the only thing holding you up on the tower and could lead to a fall costing you the match. It very much feels like a climbing game where you control the old sticky wall climber toys. 

It’s no super deep but you will find that as you play more you do tend to get better at it and I’d say I enjoyed my time with it and just like other games I might come back and play a bit more in the future.

The key thing I took from this is it actually reinforces my belief that honestly the focus on boobs themselves is the problem. Yes some people won’t be able to look past the boobs and fair enough, however to constantly claim they are the main problem in a game is part of the downfall of the argument itself. 

As I’ve said before in a previous C-Blog and as was mentioned recently by another C-Blogger focusing on boobs causes people to overlook the game and often criticise it with no real grounds. The common one I keep hearing is the idea of the portrayal of Women in Dead or Alive. This mostly comes because of the characters being busty claiming they aren’t good characters when if you even look on Wikipedia you’ll find plenty of them actually have quite varied backstories and lives of their own even holding quite successful careers. In a recent version there was even a character who’s backstory revolved round her being a world leading genetic scientist, yes scientist that career that for some reason doesn’t attract that many women at all so much so it’s actually considered quite a big problem in the scientific community.    

So in closing I suggest maybe some of the others defending or not understanding the objection to breast jiggle physics try out Mount your Friends as it does a good job of highlighting the actual perceived issue and also can show how in reality it’s not a huge issue and its one that can be overcome simply by people’s perceptions. If all you see are the boobs and nothing else then I suggest before claiming its sexist and terrible, you just research round the game a bit and dig into back stories and other things. You might find it surprising and going back to the game you might find your perception has shifted from the boobs to the game itself and even find it enjoyable rather than a blanket “Its a terrible game because it has boobs in it so nothing else matters”.

 I'm not saying gratuitous boobs aren't an issue at all as I know some people will have issues with it (heck even I do sometimes as it gets a little boring and generic / lazy). However if a game is to be called bad it should be bad for more than simply overdoing the boobs alone, just because you dislike the art style doesn't mean the entire game has no value.
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About Dwavenhobbleone of us since 8:33 AM on 06.19.2012

A qualified Environmental Chemist who happens to live in a fairly dense city with no real environment or chemistry industry.

I review indie games on another blog and you'll see them pop up here if I think the review is a good or interesting one (along with a shameless bit of self promotion)

I also operate another blog reviewing films and I mean t pick that back up when I can.

I've been gaming since the SNES days. I've been in the pro scene before for tribes 2 but hate the present pro scenes and have no interest in going back into it.

I tend to get into quite a few Betas and love ones without NDA as it means I can write about them. I have even beta tested an xbox 360 game in my time (and no not a normal public Beta one )

In gaming I'm normally the guy looking at the shelf below the AAA titles first to see if there are any great hidden gems.

My gaming drug of choice: Timesplitters in any flavour (Why won't you make Timesplitters 4 Crytek, why ????? I need my fix of insanity )
Xbox LIVE:hobblejp
Steam ID:dwavenhobble


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