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Mike, I think I left my wallet near your bed. Lemme know if you find it and we'll get birthday brunch.

 
 

I am craving a Filet o' Fish. This is where my life is now.


 
 

Mortal Kombat XI Trailer: Old Mortal Kombat arcade playing. Scorpion v. Kano. Kano wins. Camera pans down to green gauntlets playing the game. Doom 2016 Title Drop begins playing, Doom Slayer smashes arcade machine; Doom Slayer in MKXI.

 
 

I can't. I just... my brain can't take this. https://www.feastoflegends.com/

 
 

Hah! Bow down you internet PEASANTS. I've been eating Hawaiian pizza all day while wiping my ass with toilet paper set in the underhand position, and I haven't had one bad thing happen to me all

 
 
 

The only thing that would compel me to play FF7R would be finding out Aeris and Tifa go full lesbian and Cloud gets killed by Sephiroth instead because seriously go dry your wet blanket, Cloud.

 
 

Someone should remake Thief: Deadly Shadows... using the Thief 2 engine. Please. Thanks. Nightdive?

 
 

I hate mental health advice that boils down to "don't think about it." No, fucker, the answer is to kick down some doors, beat the shit out of the problem, and burn its house down. With the lemons. Stop telling me to just accept or tolerate everything.

 
 

Based on the early reviews of Joker, it sounds like the dickish neckbeard Rick and Morty fans have something else to never-shut-up-ever about.

 
 

Spent all day mailing queries to literary agents. Hoping to break into that... slowly dying, over-saturated industry. So nice to think it's probably the only thing I'm talented at and have any chance of building a career on.

 
 

I'm not gay, but when I watch porn I don't want the man to be 110 pounds of bony, ass-less mouthbreather who looks like he's trying to solve trigonometry in front of a classroom. #ImNotGayButFriday

 
 
 

It's only been a day but I'm already sick of the Spider-Man memes. My god, it's like everyone on earth thinks they're the most clever and first person to clip together an image macro and wait for the upvotes to validate wasting time.

 
 

I'm thinking 2K can go eat a bag of rotten, maggoty dicks.

 
 

I kind of want to see Gary Oldman, as Zorg, playing Pinhead.

 
 

Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson (played by Conrad Zimmerman) prove that no matter how hard he tries, Jim Sterling will never be able to come up with a weirder movie pitch than the films Willem actually stars in.

 
 

I want to stop following internet meme trends, but I require a Bethesda login and constant internet connection.

 
 

Every night I go to sleep wishing Doctor Doom could come to life and take over the world. So sick of everything being run by petty weaklings and pettier underlings. If we have to be ruled by a totalitarian then let it be one with a spine, for Doom's sake.


 
 

I saw Avengers: Endgame again. The exciting parts didn't grab me as much as they did the first time (they seldom do), but I did pick up some of the more subtle stuff. That kind of made it more satisfying to watch, I think than even the first time. Weird.

 
 

Okay, I feel a little better now.


 
 

On this day, the day of my birth, I demand a big lottery win. If this is done, cocktails for everyone!

 
 

People acting like they've always loved "Cats" and talking about Rum Tum Tugger like they had any idea those were words, let alone a character from a shitty 90's musical, before yesterday. Fuck off.

 
 

So I wonder what's new in movie news. Huh, new Top Gun, that's unnecessary. No, why is Eddie Furlong in Terminator that's just- Oh no... Oh no no no no no NO NO NO NO WHY NO WHAT IS HAPPENING NO I CAN'T NO STOP STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

 
 

I wonder if that aging photo app trending all over the internet is collecting facial recognition data nevermind here's my penis when I'm 80.

 
 

Sure. #AMA. I promise to be my usual curmudgeonly self.

 
 

I hope we see an Alien: Isolation sequel, but at the half-way mark, instead of more grind-level hiding, you get a prototype Pulse Rifle. But you need to lure the xeno to special kill zones, or the acid blood will cause hull breaches.

 
 

All these fantasy movies are starting to bleed together.

 
 

I love Metroidvanias, but I'll cop to not being the best at them. I just completed Bloodstained and I thought I did pretty good, only to find I have a LOT more to do to get that coveted 100%. I don't think I have it in me.

 
 

You can don "Ex Shovel Armor" in Bloodstained. It's kind of touching to see these kind of homages.

 
 

About TheInternone of us since 3:57 PM on 07.16.2015

Mike is a crazy, jobless hobo living in his parents' basement.
 
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