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Ouya announces another program that won't erase your regret for backing it

Kickstarter darling turned embattled gadget Ouya has announced an all-you-can-eat subscription program where you can get unlimited access to 800 games for the price of a single AAA game. This limited test program, which has since been listed as sold out, is the latest attempt to make you care about the console 1/10th as much as you did when it raised a groundbreaking $8.5 million on Kickstarter.

Not an annunal subscription, once purchased this $60 all-access pass will turn the price to over 800 games on the Android powered console to $0 permanently. Ouya promises game developers - whose support has been rewarded with miniscule sales on the largely neglected console - that they will be compensated as normal whenever pass holders access a game via the service.

The all-time top grossing game on Ouya is Towerfall, the acclaimed local multiplayer game that has sold only 7,000 copies for the under-powered cube and is now available on significantly more used platforms Steam and PlayStation 4.

Ouya ushered in a wave a microconsole fever with its popular Kickstarter which quickly dissipated as soon as you got your hands on the gadget. "Why did I ever think this was a good idea?" you thought after first plugging in the tiny cube and placing it next to your collection of functioning consoles with fantastic game libraries. "What a stupid waste of money" you marveled after placing the Ouya next to your collection of beloved consoles including the Xbox 360, Playstation 2, Gamecube and SNES which are all used regularly to play games including Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, Halo 2, Tekken 2, Suikoden 2, Super Smash Brothers Melee and the original Mario Kart. 

"I'll never make that mistake again" you said to yourself out loud months later after mothballing the Ouya on the top shelf of your closet along with your Pebble e-paper watch, Micro 3D printer, SCiO molecular sensor and Oculus Rift virtual reality developer kit. "I never even downloaded a copy of Broken Age Part I" you remarked, sharply calling into memory the many angry comments you left online when it was announced that incorrigible developer Double Fine would not meet its promised delivery date for the massively over-funded project.

Upon reading the news of Ouya's all-you-can-eat service, you fleetingly thought about hooking the console up again to check out the deal before returning to your largely uninstalled library of 528 games on Steam for your 323rd hour of Skyrim.

Via @Gamasutra
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About TheGreenMushroomone of us since 7:01 AM on 07.01.2014

Satirist. Writer of TheGreenMushroom