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10 craps you don't give about The Kojukinator (an intro post)

By popular demand (not really) I will struggle to come up with ten arbitrary "things" that in some mutilated fashion relate to what I'm all about.

1. I don't give a crap about the number 10!
What's the deal with all these 10 item lists anyway? Are you trying to tell me that the base 10 system is alright for shit like "lists of useless crap" but not alright for things like telling the distance traveled, or the diameter of my awesome muscles? Ok, so apparently I'm pissed at Americans for fucking up my head with their ridiculous system of measurements. I grew up in Russia, where we used the awesome (and full of red justice) metric system... then I moved to the states fifteen years ago, and now my shit's all whack. I can't tell distances at all, my mental reference frame is all fucked up.

Shit, well apparently I DO care about the number 10. Not enough to guarantee that this list will be ten items though, we'll see how that goes.

On a related note I always set my racing games to Km/h, that's just how I roll! Also I love the band METRIC, although it isn't a staple of my musical taste, which is somewhat eclectic (more on that later).

2. Chicks and robots (for teh win)!
The very first Anime (yeah I capitalize that shit, but I won't do it for god) that I've laid my innocent eyes on was Project A-Ko (there ARE no sequels, so don't ask me which one!). I think I was six or seven years old, and that shit blew my mind! After a hiatus of six years or so, and after coming to the states, I've been reintroduced to Anime by a friend via Dragon Ball Z. I've seen countless shows and films since then, classics and oddballs. Every few months I check Animesuki to see what the latest and greatest shows are and see if I like anything.

Now compare the above to the video below, which is pretty much the pinnacle of Russian cartooning at the time, and you can imagine just how MUCH it blew my mind.

Nu Pogodi translates to "Just Wait", and it's something you say to someone who you may want to kick in the face cus they did something bad. It was actually pretty awesome and I have a feeling it influenced my sense of humor significantly at the time, and also it led to my near future love of Tom and Jerry. And this leads me to the next thing...

3. Tom and Jerry is the best fucking cartoon on the planet!
And when I say Tom and Jerry, I obviously refer to the 1940 - 1958 running original done by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera. Even today, as a grown (questionably) man, I literally laugh out loud when watching these on dvd irregardless of whether I have company or if I'm enjoying them alone.

The Tom and Jerry shorts are clever, hilarious, and just absolutely brilliant. Most of all I feel that they transcend time and should never be forgotten. If you have been sheltered from these gems, you owe it to yourself to give them a watch. Read up on them here and check out the clip below...

To sum it up, Tom and Jerry is awesome. But everything I like is awesome, so there's no surprise! Speaking of awesome...

4. I like awesome music!
I tried using Google image search to find images of "awesome music" but it kept returning pictures of depressed adolescents photographing themselves in the mirror. So instead I put up something that I already know is awesome, which is the album cover for Dream Theater's Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence. It's hard to say which one of their albums is more awesome than the rest, but that one popped in to my mind immediately.

I'm not going to talk about all the music that I think is awesome, instead all those that give a crap can visit my Last.fm profile.

To rub it in your faces though, here's my top 15 artists from last three months (with listen counts):
1. Kamelot - 221
2. Nine Inch Nails - 204
3. In This Moment - 165
4. Queen - 155
5. Nightwish - 148
6. Dover - 131
7. Hooverphonic - 130
8. The Prodigy - 104
9. Cynic - 98
10. Galneryus - 86
11. Joe Satriani - 82
12. Serenity - 81
13. Sevendust - 79
14. Placebo - 78
15. Veruca Salt - 74

I'm tired of working on this post (and need to get real work done) so it looks like I'll finish things up with...

5. I love games, that's why I'm here!
Ok well I don't have anything against reality actually, except that it's NOT A VIDEO GAME.

Sure reality is awesome and all but it's just missing all that magic that video games have. The most obvious example is the reset button! I can't reset reality (would be fucking awesome though) and as a consequence I would have to suffer the... consequences of poor decision making for the rest of my life (only one playthrough allowed, ftl)!.

In games you can try all sorts of awesome shit, most of it not even possible in reality, without suffering any consequences (besides the time lost in reality). And anyone who says it's not worth it, I say fuck em. I love it. That's why I'm here, because it looks like I found a place where people love games just as much as I do. You guys don't just play them and critique them, you genuinely love them (or love to hate them). Passion is what I sense here, and I'm here to bask in its bitter-sweetness.

I own a number of systems, so in no particular order of preference I'm going to try and think of a list of games that I love(d):

Lucas Arts adventure games like Full Throttle - PC
X-Wing space sim series - PC
Wolfenstein, Doom/2/3, Quake/2/3, Unreal Tournament (first one is my fav) - PC
Ace Combat series - PS2/PSP/360
Crimson Skies 2 - Xbox
Final Fantasy 7/8 - PS1/PC
Chrono Cross (yeah I liked it) - PS1
Bust a Groove (lol) - PS1
Counter Strike - PC
Left 4 Dead - PC/360
Halo/2/3 - Xbox/360
Knights of the Old Republic - Xbox
Dreamfall - Xbox
Mass Effect - 360
Braid - 360
Rez - Dreamcast/360
Virtual On - Dreamcast/Arcade/360
Devil May Cry series - PS2/360
Ninja Gaiden - Xbox
Dead or Alive series - Dreamcast/PS2/Xbox/360
Soul Calibur series - Dreamcast/PS2/Xbox/360
Burnout series - PS1/PS2/Xbox/360
Mega Man X series - SNES/PS1/PS2
Metroid series - SNES/GBA/Wii
Tetris - any system
Boom Blox - Wii
Okami - Wii
Trauma Center - DS/Wii
Excitebots - Wii
Mad World - Wii
Rock Band 1/2 - 360
Guitar Hero 2/3 - 360
HoD Overkill - Wii
Bleach HtS series - PSP
Breath of Fire 3/4 - PS1
Castlevania series - PS1/PS2/GBA/DS
God of War - PS2/PSP
Loco Roco series - PSP
Monster Hunter Freedom Unite - PSP
Wipeout - PS1/PSP
Tales of Vesperia - 360
Dead Space - 360
Theresia - DS
Little Red Riding Hood's Zombie BBQ - DS
Ninjatown - DS
Picross - DS
Yoshi's Island - SNES/DS

...I'm just going to go ahead and stop, because that list is already pretty long. This was all off the top of my head so I'm sure I'm missing tons of other titles, but I hope this is somewhat representative.

Also, I lied about above being the last item...

6. I have a life, which includes an awesome girlfriend, job, and friends!
Ok, now I'm done. Nice to meet you Destructoid.

note: all images are copyright of their respective owners and are used without any permission. i don't make money from this, please don't send me to federal pound me in the ass prison.
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About The Kojukinatorone of us since 1:58 PM on 07.06.2009

I play and enjoy all sorts of games. My actively used systems include PC, Xbox 360, Wii, DS, and PSP.

Also since I don't smoke, and everyone knows smoking makes you look cool, I'm instead going to try and sound like a bigger douche than I really am... as I notice that makes you even cooler!