So we all know that at this year’s press conference, Nintendo had a very strong showing, whether you’re a fan of Nintendo or not, you can't say that this is not true. Two years ago, however, was a different story. If you for some reason missed that press conference (lucky you!), but want to know how it went down, take 2 minutes of your time to watch this recap.


Yes, you will never get that 2 minutes back, I know.

This year, Nintendo catered to all of our inner child with announcements like Donkey Kong Returns, Kirby’s Epic Yarn, Golden Sun Dark Dawn, and plenty others. Being a strong Nintendo fan boy since I was a kid, I was kind of upset that I would not be able to play all of these amazing new titles announced for the Wii, because I chose to sell my Wii for a 360, right around the time last years press conference happened. However, I felt like I betrayed the people I had grew up with. I needed to somehow make it up to Nintendo, but I didn’t know how.



By the end of the conference, this amazing new device was unveiled to us. Now I knew Nintendo wouldn’t let me down, so I had faith in the 3DS. After watching the trailer for Kid Icarus, I was not disappointed at all. The game looked fun as hell, the graphics were amazing for a handheld, and wha- Icarus can TALK!? I know the true beauty behind this device is that you will be able to play games and watch movies in stereoscopic 3D without the need of stylish (psh, yeah right) glasses. Unfortunately I was unable to see the 3D in action because I watched the conference from home, but from all of the previews and impressions I’ve read and seen, this thing is legit and incredible. And if I remember correctly, it made Jim want Reggie inside of him. It must be the greatest thing ever.



Now before Nintendo even unveiled the 3DS, they still easily had one of the best press conferences this year. The 3DS was just the icing on the delicious, just baked, vanilla centered cake. I shat my pants with all amazing titles that were announced for the Wii (except for Wii Party, the fuck..?). However, I was extremely upset that I would be unable to play these games. So I got to using my noggin and I came up with an amazing, incredible idea! I did what any normal person would do when in need.


I asked my mommy to buy me a Wii.

Having just graduated, my mom owed me a graduation gift. She had been asking me a couple weeks before hand what I wanted as my gift. After having rejected my request for a car, I really didn’t know what I wanted as a gift. So I never gave her an answer. However, after Nintendo’s press conference I immediately went to tell her that I wanted a Wii (of all things I could’ve asked for right?). She did what every parent always saws that annoys the hell out of me, “We’ll see”. I honestly wasn’t sure if she would buy me a Wii. Then a couple days later, she decided she wanted to go to Costco and asked if I wanted to go with. Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I said sure and we went.

The first thing we did when we got there was go to the electronic area. For some reason, the whole Wii thing had slipped my mind and the hot girl behind the counter didn’t help remind me of it either. I wondered what we were doing in this area. I thought maybe my mom could be getting a new printer or something. Suddenly, I noticed she stopped walking and looked to her left then at me. I then proceed to look to my left and I knew exactly what we were doing here. There was a stack of Black and White Wiis to my left and my mom said, “Go ahead and grab one”. At first I was in disbelief, not sure if she was being serious. She said she was serious and a big smile ran across my face. I quickly grabbed the Black Wii, the new wireless Wii Sensor which she told me to grab, and a copy of Super Mario Galaxy 2. After that, I gave her a hug and a kiss, went home, and we watched a marathon of Gilmore Girls together. But, not until I unboxed that black beast!






OMG I’M BLACK!?




It’s so beautifully packaged I don’t think I’ll be able to bring myself to open it.


Ok I lied. I ripped that motherfucker open with my teeth!


OMG! It’s soo shiny! I must touch! No! I can’t! Don’t.. want.. fingerprints!


I’m totally gonna use my Wii Remote as a light saber. If only a bad ass red beam would shoot out of it.


And when I’m not pretending, I can use this sensor bar to bash it over someone’s head when I’m pissed.


Now to conclude, everyone, please always wear a condom. Or else this will happen..


Practice safe-gaming!


Leave me alone now. I’m playing the greatest video game ever created.

I’m definitely happy now that I get to play all of these games shown off at Nintendo’s press conference. And I know all of you who already have a Wii are excited for what’s to come. Nintendo truly had an amazing E3 and I’m glad to be reunited with my Wii and hopefully Nintendo can now forgive me for my sins.

Nintendo fans rejoice! For Nintendo is back better than ever!

Also, I’m always looking to expand my collection of games, so if any of you have any recommendations (Wii, Gamecube, Wiiware, VC) let me know!

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