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I Became a Better and Stronger Loner

Everyday at my school, I look around and find many students and teachers socializing amongst each other. Whether it is at the very first day of school, the very beginning of the day, while a teacher is teaching a lesson, when we are suppose to do work, when a teacher is annoyed and wants the students to be quiet for at least a minute, etc, etc, etc.....No matter what time or where they're at, they can never cease talking to each other. When they take one glance at a person they have the slightest interest in, they will just talk about the most random things to that person (such as, for example, what they do while on the toilet. I hear that a lot in my school, and I'm always like "What the f**k?"), and the person that was interesting to the talker will just mosey along the road and continue the conversation. I am consistently annoyed at those situations and always found myself a bit of an unsociable person...yet I still get jealous of the people that can practically talk to anyone. I'm basically the quiet kid that sits at the back of the class everyday.

Why do I feel jealous of the people around me almost everyday at school? Probably because that, once again, I rarely talk to people, and when I do, it is either very short or I find them disappointed with the conversation we were having. Sometimes when I am still talking to someone, he/she will immediately ignore me and head straight to someone else, talking about something utterly random. All of this makes me feel like an inferior and forgettable person at school, but it's not just the talking. I never hung out with another person from my school in my life. Literally. NEVER! I've always stayed home the time I come back from school. Why is that? Probably because none of my friends at school live near me, so I can never visit them and hang out or do other things that I wished I could've done with the friends I have at school. Not only that, but practically no one knows where I live. Why? Because the house I'm stuck in (literally stuck in) is extremely old, dirty, riddled with rodents and bugs, have many holes, absolutely has no air conditioning, have two people that I find extremely loud and annoying (not to mention that one of them is extremely rude to certain other types), and many other things that you would never expect in a house that is at least a little bit decent. All of this, and the fact that we are an extremely poor family, made me afraid of telling others at my school where I mostly stay at.

These make me feel like a total failure almost every time. A failure as a teenager who hasn't made the most out of himself and never took full advantage of these young years, and ironically, a failure as a human being sometimes. I never had a best friend (or I had one, but lost her when we moved to where I'm living at right now), I don't watch a lot of TV, I don't know about many celebrities, I NEVER HAD A CELL PHONE (lol), and many other things that I guess teens are suppose to care about. Even people you call "absolute geeks" in high school know a lot about many popular TV shows, keep in touch with the people they care about, aren't afraid to take the risks and fully express themselves, or have friends that do stuff outside of school. I have none of that. I do have only a few things, and that's being a lonely, unsociable, quiet individual. But that's when I ask myself this very important question: Is that always a bad thing?

Why am I like this? Why am I the quiet, unsociable person who doesn't hang out with others? Maybe the reason why I don't do all of these things is because I probably DON'T want to, and it's not because I'm totally afraid either. I imagine my conscience consistently trying to message me all these years that I don't want to go down that road, or at least not yet. I then asked myself "What if I did have a social life?". Although having a social life is a good thing, first I must think to myself if I can actually handle that. If I had people who can never shut up in class and kept bothering me by telling me whatever they have up in their mind, I'd probably go insane. I might be quiet, but I am a hard worker. I do not like to talk while I work or be talked to while I work. Also, if I had people that consistently wanted to hang out with me, then I have to continue to keep schedules of where and when I'll expect them to come or where I should go. Honestly, I'm pretty forgetful about that stuff. I'd also probably have to recommend some places to go and such. Uh, I'm never good at such stuff. Last time I went to the movies with my brother, I recommended Bruno when I never seen any trailers or pictures. Lord knows what else I'll recommend just by name.

Second, as a video game and music lover, I love spending myself alone doing such hobbies. I don't want my mom yelling "WILLIAM, YOUR FRIEND IS HERE TO PICK YOU UP AND WATCH FOOTBALL WITH HIM!" when, not only do I not like football (I love watching wrestling), I don't like being bothered at all when playing games or listening to music. When playing video games (especially RPGs with silent protagonists), I am drawn to that world. I represent myself as that character doing whatever I am suppose to do. Why the hell would you come to my house out of the blue and interrupt the process of me, as a deer, kicking the crap out of a polar bear who thought it was cool to try to slice my face off while I drink some water from a pond (Tokyo Jungle)? I am in a freaking city infested with a bunch of insane animals and I must think about my own survival and species, and you want to bother me, pursuing such a goal, just to watch a sport that can probably be watched again on Youtube?! I. Don't. Think. So. All of this applies to me listening to music as well, except I imagine myself in a setting similar to the music I'm listening to. Point being, I just don't like to be bothered that much.

After imagining myself having a social life, I felt a lot better with who I am right now. That is being a loner (or introvert. Either one). It is completely normal. Now for the second and final step: Taking full advantage of that. In order to do that, I, first and foremost, definitely need to stop feeling depressed all the time. I'm alone most of the time, yes, but that doesn't mean it's an absolute bad thing. I need to make it a good thing. A ton of people on this planet is alone, and a ton of people want to stop doing that. I want to stop doing that, but probably not right now. No, definitely not right now. It's who I am and I accept that. There's also many people who never want to stop being loners and take full advantage of that by using the extra time they have treating themselves the best of their abilities. I want to join those type of people. It sounds selfish, but it's the best I can do for now. I'm not strong enough to take the risks of fully expressing myself to others, but I at least know that I WILL be. Just not right now. I'm gonna make the best of being alone most of the time for now. Besides, this also counts as taking full advantage of my life. Now, without further delay:

*This blog is mainly dedicated to an Internet friend of mine who committed suicide a month before this blog was published. I won't mention his name, but I will say that he went through a lot of unusual, yet awful crap that made him lose a ton of people dear to him and caused him to be a lonely person. I just wish that I showed him this blog before his decision to do what made his friends and family, especially his two sisters, become deeply saddened (myself included). Loneliness, if you didn't know already, is actually one of the main reasons why many, mainly young, people commit suicide today. I hope, despite my wording, that this blog will help others who are experiencing loneliness to not think of ever doing such a drastic thing. I also hope that this blog won't bother or offend anyone, as it wasn't intentional. I was afraid to publish, but I took the risk and published this anyway. Thank you.*
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About Solar20XXone of us since 4:50 AM on 06.04.2012

Here's some of my favorite video games and video game series.

Street Fighter
Advance Wars (definitely)
Marvel VS Capcom
Sonic the Hedgehog (only Advance series, Rush series, and Adventure series)
Guilty Gear
Disgaea (only played 3 and 4 so far)
Ghost and Goblins
Rock Band
Guitar Hero
Rayman (excluding Raving Rabbits. Never played those)
Castlevania (Handhelds)
Patapon (definitely)
LocoRoco (definitely)
The King of Fighters
Samurai Shodown
Last Blade
Capcom VS SNK
Soul Calibur
Virtua Fighter (only played 2 and 3 so far)
Shikigami No Shiro
Shin Megami Tensei (I actually love these more then the Persona series)
Vocaloid (definitely)
Ratchet and Clank
Fire Emblem
Project DIVA (definitely)
Pop 'n Music (definitely)
DJMax (definitely)
Jak and Daxter
Mortal Kombat
Killer Instinct
Dynasty Warriors
Warriors Orochi

The games I completed:

NES (3)
Super Mario Bros.
The Legend of Zelda

SNES (8)
Super Mario World
Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros. 2
Super Mario Bros. 3
Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels
Acro Bat
Super Metroid
Final Fantasy V (NEW)

Neo Geo (26)
The King of Fighters 94
The King of Fighters 95
The King of Fighters 96
The King of Fighters 97
The King of Fighters 98
The King of Fighters 99
The King of Fighters 2000
The King of Fighters 2001
The King of Fighters 2002
The King of Fighters 2003
Samurai Shodown
Samurai Shodown 2
Samurai Shodown 3
Samurai Shodown 4
Samurai Shodown 5
Samurai Shodown 5 Special
Metal Slug
Metal Slug 2
Metal Slug 3
Metal Slug 4
Metal Slug 5
Last Blade
Last Blade 2
World Heroes
World Heroes 2
Magician Lord

Genesis (14)
Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sonic the Hedgehog 3
Sonic and Knuckles
Golden Axe
Golden Axe 2
Golden Axe 3
Altered Beast
Street of Rage
Street of Rage 2
Street of Rage 3
Vectorman 2
Phamtasy Star 4 (NEW)

N64 (4)
Pokemon Stadium
Pokemon Stadium 2
Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
Super Mario 64

GC (8)
Zelda: The Wind Waker
Sonic Adventure DX: Director's Cut
Sonic Adventure 2 Battle
Super Mario Sunshine
Pokemon Colosseum
Dragon Ball Z Budokai
Dragon Ball Z Budokai 2
Megaman Battle Network Transmission

PS1 (10)
Spyro the Dragon
Spyro 2 Ripto's Rage!
Spyro: Year of the Dragon
Crash Bandicoot
Crash 2 Cortex Strikes Back
Crash Bandicoot Warped
Crash Team Racing
Crash Bash
Cacom VS SNK
Final Fantasy Origins

PS2 (12)
Dragon Ball Z Budokai 3
Dragon Ball Z Tenkaichi
Capcom VS SNK 2
Marvel VS Capcom 2
Disgaea Hour of Darkness
Disgaea 2 Cursed Memories
Tekken Tag Tournament
Tekken 3
Tekken 4
Capcom VS SNK 2
Persona 3
Shadow the Hedgehog

PS3 (36)
Final Fantasy 7
Arcana Heart 3
Persona 4 Arena
Blazblue Calamity Trigger
Blazblue Continuum Shift
Blazblue Continuum Shift Extend
Street Fighter 3 Third Strike
Super Street Fighter 4 Arcade Edition
Tekken 5 HD
Tekken 6
Disgaea 4
Persona 3 FES
Final Fantasy 13
Final Fantasy 13-2
Virtua Fighter 5
The Fancy Pants Adventure
Modnation Racers
Infamous 2
Mortal Kombat 9
DC Universe Online
The King of Fighters XIII
Playstation All-Stars Battle Royal
Tekken Tag Tournament 2
SoulCalibur 4 (NEW)
SoulCalibur 5 (NEW)
Dynasty Warriors 7 (NEW)
Dynasty Warriors 8 (NEW)
Warriors Orochi 3 (NEW)
AquaPazza (NEW)
Chaos Code (NEW)
Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds (NEW)
Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational (NEW)

PC (25)
Touhou 6 Embodiment of Scarlet Devil
Touhou 7 Perfect Cherry Blossom
Touhou 7.5 Immaterial and Missing Power
Touhou 8 Imperishable Night
Touhou 9 Phantasmagoria of Flower View
Touhou 9.5 Shoot the Bullet
Touhou 10 Mountain of Faith
Touhou 10.5 Scarlet Weather Rhapsody
Touhou 11 Subterrainean Animism
Touhou 12 Unidentified Fantastic Object
Touhou 12.3 Hisoutensoku
Touhou 12.5 Double Spoiler
Touhou 12.8 Great Fairy Wars
Touhou 13 Ten Desires
Touhou 13.5 Hopeless Masquerade (NEW)
Touhou 14 Double Dealing Character (NEW)
Melty Blood
Melty Blood React
Melty Blood Act Cadenza
Melty Blood Actress Again
Guilty Gear Isuka
Sonic CD
Sonic R
Sonic Heroes

GBC (14)
Pokemon Yellow
Pokemon Blue
Pokemon Red
Pokemon Gold
Pokemon Silver
Pokemon Crystal
Tom & Jerry
Hamtaro Ham Hams Unite
The Powerpuff Girls: Bad Mojo Jojo
The Powerpuff Girls: Paint the Townsville Green
The Powerpuff Girls: Battle HIM
Dragon Tales
Kirby Tilt N' Tumble

GBA (27)
Pokemon Ruby
Pokemon Sapphire
Pokemon Emerald
Pokemon Fire Red
Pokemon Pinball
Fire Emblem
Fire Emblem Sacred Stones
Advance Wars
Advance Wars 2 Black Hole Rising
Yoshi Island
Dragon Ball Z Super Sonic Warriors
Tekken Advance
Street Fighter Alpha 3 Upper
Golden Sun
Megaman Zero
Megaman Zero 4
Megaman Battle Network 2
Megaman Battle Network 3
Megaman Battle Network 4
Megaman Battle Network 5
Megaman Battle Network 6
Sonic Advance
Sonic Advance 2
Sonic Advance 3
Sonic Battle
Kirby Nightmare in Dream Land
Kirby Amazing Mirror

DS (57)
Pokemon Diamond
Pokemon Pearl
Pokemon Emerald
Pokemon White
Pokemon Black 2
Dragon Quest 4 Chapters of the Chosen
Dragon Quest 5 Hands of the Heavenly Bride
Dragon Quest 6 Realms of Revelation
Dragon Quest Monsters Joker
Dragon Quest 9 Sentinels of the Starry Skies
Bleach Blade of Fate
Bleach Dark Souls
Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded
Pokemon Trozei
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of the Sky
Pokemon Ranger
Pokemon Ranger Shadows of Almia
Luminous Arc
Luminous Arc 2
Final Fantasy A2 Tactics
Shin Megami Tensei Strange Journey
Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor 2
Megaman Zero (Megaman Zero Collection)
Megaman Zero 2 (Megaman Zero Collection)
Megaman Zero 3 (Megaman Zero Collection)
Megaman Zero 4 (Megaman Zero Collection)
Megaman ZX
Megaman ZX Advent
Megaman Starforce
Megaman Starforce 2
Megaman Starforce 3 Black Joker
Lunar Knights
Metal Slug 7
Zelda Phantom Hourglass
Zelda Spirit Tracks
Knights in the Nightmare
Yoshi Touch and Go
Yoshi Island 2
Super Mario 64 DS
New Super Mario Bros.
Cave Story
Sonic Rush
Sonic Rush Adventure
Sonic Chronicles The Dark Brotherhood
Star Fox DS
Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon
Advance Wars Dual Strike
Advance Wars Days of Ruin
Kirby Canvas Curse
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia
Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
Radiant Historia
The World Ends With You
Luminous Arc 3

PSP (58)
Castlevania Dracula X Chronicles
Castlevania Rondo of Blood
Castlevania Symphony of the Night
Persona 2 Innocnet Sin
Persona 3 Portable
Final Fantasy Dissidia
Disgaea Afternoon of Darkness
Disgaea 2 Dark Hero Days
Prinny Can I really Be the Hero?
Prinny Dawn of Oeration Panties Dood!
Phantom Brave
Tactics Ogre Let Us Cling Together
Final Fantasy Tactics War of the Lions
Yggdra Union
Knights in the Nightmare
What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord?
What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord? 2
No Heroes Allowed!
Cladun: This is An RPG
Cladun: This is An RPG X2
Fate/ Unlimited Codes
Fate/ Extra
Street Fighter Alpha 3 Max
Street Fighter 2
Street Fighter 2 Champion
Street Fighter 2 Hyper Fighting
Ghost And Goblins
Super Ghosts and Goblins
Goblins and Ghouls
Final Fight
Street Fighter
Samurai Shodown 6
Metal Slug 6
Metal Slug XX
LittleBigPlanet PSP
Lumines 2
Every Extend Extra
Tekken 6
Blazblue Calamity Trigger
Blazblue Continuum Shift 2
Guilty Gear XX Access Core +
LocoRoco 2
Patapon 2
Patapon 3
Wipeout Pulse
Wipeout Pure
Project Diva
Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
Final Fantasy Anniversery Edition
Final Fantasy II Anniversary Edition
Final Fantasy III
Final Fantasy IV
Final Fantasy IV Intrelude
Final Fantasy IV The After Years
Dissidia Final Fantasy Duodecim

3DS (13)
Kid Icarus Uprising
Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor Overclocked
Super Mario 3D Land
Zelda Ocarina of Time
Mutant Mudds
Dead or Alive Dimensions
Super Street Fighter 4
Pokemon Rumble Blast
Code of Princess
Samurai Warriors: Chronicles (NEW)
Tetris Axis (NEW)
Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance (NEW)

PSVita (14)
Ultimate Marvel VS Capcom 3
Blazblue Continuum Shift Extend
Rayman Origins
Disgaea 3 Absence of Detention
Persona 4 Golden
Lumines Electric Symphony
Street Fighter X Tekken
Aqua Kitty
DJMAX: Technika Tune (NEW)
Cytus Lambda (NEW)
Chaos Rings (NEW)
Ragnarok Odyssey (NEW)
Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational (NEW)
Spelunky (NEW)

Total So Far: 292 Games Completed (22 NEW GAMES COMPLETED!)
Updated: 12/2/2013