We're all familiar with the battle between the players of games such as Guitar Hero and Rock Band, and the people who shoot them snide comments such as "Play a Real Guitar!" Well earlier this month I received my December '07 issue of GameInformer (a subscription which came free from my friend Mike, who worked at an EB Games and had a few in-store promotions to waste) and tucked away in the middle of the issue was their Holiday 2007 Buying Guide
. Upon some truly "DO WANT" things (the Soundwave MP3 Player struck a geek-nerve and almost caused me to rush out and get one. Thankfully Optimus Prime stopped me, reminding me that I would be supporting the Decepticons.) there was one particular diamond in shit. The Art Guitar Controller
, coming in at a minor entry fee of $399, gives you the best of both worlds. It is a guitar, gutted and fitted with Guitar Hero guitar parts. Oh, and it's PS2 only.
But they don't stop there and let you live out your dream with just a fake guitar. Try this baby on for size:
The AGRiffmaster Pro System
• 4x10 stereo "Guitar Slack" cabinet with two tweeters
• 150 watts of real Peavey power
• "Guitar Amp" head that holds PS2, PS3 & Xbox 360
• Real amp tone controls: reverb, high/low EQ & 5-band graphic EQ
• Four mic/line inputs for players and microphones
• 2 Riffmaster Controlers
• PVM Diamond Series Microphone
And all of this slides into your hands for a lump sum of $1,999. Quite the investment for those GH/RB parties you and your friends have. Your neighbors hated you before, but now you have an AMP to add to the fun. Sorry, this model doesn't go to 11.
One of my biggest gripes (and i'm trying to restrain myself) is that you can only get them with some of the most unsightly paint jobs I have ever seen in my life. I cringe every time I see Joe Satriani play his guitar with the cover from his album 'Super Colossal' painted on to the front. But that seems to be a priceless piece of art compared to some of these. Why they wouldn't just let you get the guitar in a nice sunburst or even a solid color is beyond me. Sure, you could spend money getting a new paint job, but that's just more money going down the toilet towards your Rock and Roll fantasy. I haven't gotten my hands on one of these, and don't plan to as I really don't have $400+ to spend on such a thing. Nor would I, as the standard guitars do me just fine.
However, now those who get yelled at "play a real Guitar!" when they fingertap their way through "Through the Fire and Flames" can finally say "I AM
playing a real guitar, you tool!"
no wallets had holes burned in them during the making of this blog
EDIT: Fixed the URL for the website.