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LONG BLOG

I fucking made a goddamn hammer shotgun in Dead Space 3

   0


I was tempted to include more curses within the blog title to emphasize how excited I am. Or how crude a person I can be sometimes. Or how I am all the time. Ok.

Never have I felt true love in a videogame until now. I mean, I did once have a crush on Kasumi from Dead Or Alive, but this is hardly relevant. Sadly, the footage of me experiencing this beautiful, cylindrical, super powerful death puncher is not up yet. But, I can at least tell you how amazing it is with digital letters which form digital words which will precede/follow still images of this ultimate e-peen extender.





"Grants you the ability to swing your weapon like a hammer." is what the attachment description said.

"Grants you the ability to swing your weapon LIKE A HAMMER?!" I said with gratuitous awe. Would I dance the forbidden dance? Would I cross the streams? Would I dare live the American dream?

"This is not real."

But, it was. To the surprise and short-lived disbelief of me and my Bumblebee Isaac, we had created the Hammer Shotty. Or... "Hotty" for short. Which would be funny/clever if "Hotty" wasn't already short for "Shotty". Dammit.





A well-placed shot and even the mightiest Necromorph can hardly stand a single shot more. But there's no mercy in space, especially for the ugly. Another quick belch from "Hotty" and that Necromorph is no Necromore.

Heh.

But, of course, we haven't talked about the hammer attachment. I'm sorry. I just get so caught up in the shotgun part of this thing that I forget that that's only half it's charm.

Each swing, by the way, is basically a one-hit kill. Yep. Every second I'm not using this empowering, sexual tyrannosaurus, someone out there is feeling empty and lonely. That person is me. I would stroke every inch of it, if not for the lack of a safety.

To think, this Hasselhoff of weaponry started off as a relatively useless assault rifle. So much wasted ammo, so many wasted hours. Try as it may, it couldn't live up to the tried and true Plasma Cutter. With each shot, more of my enthusiasm went moseying along with it. I eventually knew it was time to let go and upgrade the hell outta this thing, if possible.

I feel like a better virtual man with this in my virtual hands.



On the serious, I'm sure you can make even better weapons than this and I'm sure someone out there has already made this exact same thing.

Oh, but wait...

Did I mention my second attachment adds an electrical charge to each shot?

I didn't... didn't I.
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About SeymourDuncan17one of us since 7:20 PM on 08.28.2011

Just a guy who loves video games and music. Also artist on the rise!... maybe!



Wanna talk? I'm friendly. Wanna play? Shore. ESPECIALLY ROCK BAND BECAUSE I LOVE ROCKING OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!!!!!!





Xbox LIVE:iAmHammett
PSN ID:WangDangSP
Steam ID:isthisusernamecoolenough
Mii code:I have one, but f- friend codes
3DS Code:I have one, but f- friend codes


 

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