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A comprehensive guide detailing why Metal Gear Rising is truly the best game


(Or, how Metal Gear Rising is blatantly better than DmC: Devil May Cry)

(Potential spoilers below)

1 - You start the game by slashing a Metal Gear RAY in half.

Haha, it roars at you thinking itís all big and bad. He doesn't know he's the prologue.

2 - Then you cut up Strider Hiryuís robot dog buddy

Because chainsaws are now illegal, and you are the chainsaw police.

3 - After that, you beat up the hottest Doctor Octopus cosplayer

And finish her off kind of like that one scene from Terminator 2.

4 - Then these magnetized sentient Hormel hams come to fight you

But you beat the shit out of him because he stole Raphaelís sais.

5 - But then this fucker runs with scissors

So you whip his monkey ass because his bad parents clearly didnít.

6 - Then this robot samurai guy fights you with his gun-sheath that shoots his sword


7 - Following that, you suplex the giant robot spider from Wild Wild West

And beat it to death with its own leg to remind it how much better it could be.

8 - Then you end the game by beating the shit out of Super Mike Haggar

And explains his superpowers with the greatest two word line in history, while sweet music plays.


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About Sephzillaone of us since 9:27 AM on 07.15.2008

Follow me on Twitter - @Sephzilla

Watch my TwitchTV channel

Who am I? I'm a guy who plays video games, talks way too much about comics and movies, likes Godzilla and Robocop. Why should you read my blog? Because when I write I have fun, make up bullshit lists, and when I do get a little serious with some blogs I try to be insightful and use resources and facts to try and back up my opinion as much as I can. And if you don't follow my blog, I'll send you a picture of a sad kitten who wants some love.

Also, I tend to debate a lot and get up on a soapbox a bit from time to time. I like to debate for the sake of debating and I tend to find it fun to get other peoples perspectives on things, and sometimes I like to play devil's advocate a bit just for the sake of it. Basically, don't take me so serious sometimes even if it seems like I am being serious.

Promoted Articles:
-- Expanded Universes: Halo, and why I give a damn
-- Those About To Die: Vergil
-- 2010 Sucked: What the hell, Square Enix?
-- Motion Control: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
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-- Dreaming: Back in Time
-- Why Minecraft laughs in DayZ's stupid face
-- Suckers! I call dibs on Claptrap!
-- The Decay of Capcom
--An open plea to Square Enix: Don't remove FFVII's turn-based combat

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