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Why can't we have nice things? [Hansel, Gretel and Killergames]


Jim Sterling, resident gaming culture activist and figurehead of the PHOOA* movement reported on nazi shenanigans a couple of times in the recent past.

Being german myself I feel compelled to shed a little light on this clusterfuck of a situation.

It all started in the wee morning hours of February the 26th, 2002, when Robert Steinhäuser went to school like every other day (Except for Saturday and Sunday. And except for the mask. And the guns.). After listening to Dashboard Confessional for an extended period of time he felt comfortable enough with the decision to be a complete and utter dickwad and shot 12 teachers, one secretary, two schoolmates and a cop. Then, finally, himself.

Germany was collectively shocked - understandably so - but the media just couldn't figure out who to point at to milk the sensationalism market. Someone had to be HANGED! (An introverted kid going apeshit after being called assface by all possible peers for thirteen years without someone intervening was quite obviously not the reason.)

Luckily, the police found the mind-decomposing culprit on Robert's hard drive: Counter-Strike, shortly thereafter only referred to as killergame. Despite popular belief not because you kill in the game but because the game transforms you into Patrick Bateman.

The wise politicians jumped at the opportunity and quickly figured out that with the average voter's age of 52 in one hand and the well-constructed strawman argument that "killergamez made him do it!1" in the other they could frighten the old farts into voting for the party which took the most radical anti-gaming stance.

After all, they didn't miss anything. They voted for a future in which their grandchildren don't have to be afraid that the fat italian kid repeatedly jumps on their heads.

We have another school shooting every year or so, and coincidentally they always find SOME game belonging to the douchebag in question.

I'm just spitballing here but this might have something to do with the fact that virtually every male from the age of 10-25 loves themselves some gaming.


The only way to get rid of this asshattery is by leaving your WoW-toons to fend for themselves for an hour and go vote when the time comes, youngins. Once they notice panic doesn't work to their advantage anymore, they will back off and focus on the good the gaming industry does to our economy.

Alternatively, if you plan on shooting someone in the face who pinched your bellyfat ten years ago, do us a favor and burn all your games first. Also, listening to Britney Spears while on a killing spree might produce some favorable results.

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About Rockatanskyone of us since 6:40 AM on 11.19.2009

Been playing since I got past the BSOD-inducing wild keyboard hammering. So, I must have been 6-8. Monkey Island was my first serious love. Haven't looked back since. Haven't looked forward, either.