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NPC's do not deserve to have eyeballs

If a quarter-century’s worth of video gaming has taught me anything, it’s that people take shortcuts. Time is finite, and work infinite; it’s understandable. We all do it. But most of us don’t do it like this: no, no that’s alright… T...

 
 
 
 

Play Freespace 2, dammit.

I’ve hit a console gaming brick wall of late, so I’ve turned to my trusty XP partition to do a little hardcore PC gaming. I’ve been spending time with some old favorites, System Shock 2, Outcast, and Freespace 2. Running with the Open Free...

 
 
 

Vampire Rain...the movie?!?

I seldom have anything nice to say about the games I play, and realize that to a casual observer it would seem I should find a new hobby. But all of you know better. A video game is like pizza- even when it's bad it's good. Or is that sex? ...

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Your New Aliens Christmas Ringtone

My brother treated himself this holiday season to one of them new-fangled iphones, and now he'd like to treat you all to his homemade new ringtone. It combines our love of Aliens and Lando Calrissian, and is sure to make you the envy of all...

 
 
 

Why I suffer through Japanese RPGs

People often ask me why I play such crappy games as Wild Arms XF, and my answer’s always the same: Someone’s got to do it. …seriously… Are you gonna find gold like this playing Call of Duty? I didn’t think so.

 
 
 

My game has pepper spray. Does yours?

I'm not entirely sure what maladjusted part of me wanted to purchase a dating simulator, but I'm so very glad I did. Naturally I chose to play as the female character, knowing that nothing could stop me from becoming the sloppiest ho in t...

 
 
 

My Jewish Saints Row Hero

Note to Electronic Arts: Quality of customization is directly proportional to how incongruous a character can be made to look to the game they're in. Saints Row, meet Rabbi Gatstein. Me and the Rebbe went through a lot together before his...

 
 
 
 

What's the deal with giant robots?

I've never understood the appeal of giant robots. They're slow, clunky, and make a lot of noise. I expect their insides have less leg room than tanks and smell like sweaty farts. But robots require even more love and care than cats or dogs,...

 
 
 

Zelda Haiku Friday!

Do you like Zelda? Do you like haiku? Then write some Zelda haiku with me! Here are the rules: 1) the first line should be 5 syllables. 2) the second line should be 7 syllables. 3) the third line should be 5 syllables, AND it should be a ...

 
 
 
 

Stoners vs. Zombies

I don’t believe it’s effects improve anything about our game but tolerance for grinding, but think of all the wasted potato chips from nearly 1 in every 8 American drug prisoners being marijuana related. We've spent billions keeping these...

 
 
 

Jimmy Hopkins, gay crusader

I can’t even understand why straight people want to make acquaintances and loved ones travel halfway across the country to wear tuxedoes and dresses they’d never otherwise be caught dead in, much less buy, and eat cake when they could be ...

 
 
 

Why Willy (Beamish) Cannot Read

They may not have the franchise, but they are our future… Willy is not old enough to vote, and he has no interest in doing so. Any minute now he's going to sneak out of detention to play video games. Willy is smart, and Willy is spunky....

 
 
 

Bowser to craft US Energy policy?

Trying frantically to cut Obama’s lead in the polls today, McCain accused the l33t Senator of “fear mongering” on energy policy. “As President, I will keep America’s economy moving forward by building 45 more nuclear power plants by 203...

 
 
 
 
 
 

Kung Fu Master Is Not Like the Other Boys

Do you remember in Kung Fu, after levels 2 and 4, when Thomas would stand there walking in place while his girlfriend Sylvia whined about it and "Mr. X" laughed maniacally? Why did he kidnap her in the first place? And where did he get all ...

 
 

About ResignedGamerone of us since 5:42 PM on 10.24.2008

Hello ladies, my name is Sir Cucumber. I'm looking for a redheaded woman who likes puzzles, vegetating, and settling disputes with a game of rock, paper, scissors. No persimmons, please.

I've been blogging for a year with my brother, Doomeru Woebashi, at Resigned Gamer, but no one ever comes to visit us there, so I've come here to beg for your attentions.

If I'm not playing the hot new game of two years ago, I'm probably playing a 6/10 bargain game from one year ago. I do this not because I am cheap, but because I would rather live off gaming's long, shit-encrusted tail than face being "between games." God, nothing sucks more than that.

I like photoshopping screen shots of classic games, and, when feeling saucy, have been known to write the occasional haiku.

Please leave a comment. That way I won't feel so all alone!