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PlayBoyMan's thoughts on the Xbox One...

It's a real POS.

Oh yes, I went there. I watched Mircosoft's reveal of their newest “Gaming Console”, which they foolishly called the “Xbox One”. I'm pretty sure that most of us all over the world were saying the same thing all at once:

And no one would blame you for doing so. There are so many things wrong with this device. Microsoft calls it the next gen console and it's an “all in one” device – NOTHING can be further form the truth.

First off, next gen devices have a Next Gen feel and design. That means the device mustn’t look like something you have seen before in the past.

The Xbox One looks a lot like a combination of VCR's and DVD Players I've owned throughout the years. I mean look at it:

It looks like the love child of a Fat-PS3, A Betamax Player, a Toshiba VCR from the 1990's, and the First Gen DVD players when they hit the market (Those bastards were huge, btw), and the gene pool was too funky for anything good-looking to come out as a result.

Who would seriously take this as a next-gen device? Where the hell would you put it in your house where it WON'T get in the way? It's big and clunky, and I swear it might be able to play my old VHS Cassettes if I push the right buttons. You can fit an Xbox 360 inside of it. Damn.

Let's move on to the 2nd biggest issue I, and many others have with this mash up of fail: The NAME.

“Xbox ONE”?! Really?

I don't know about you, but when I hear that name, I think of the first ORIGINAL Xbox:

You see, when something is the first, is should get the number 1, because it's the first in of its kind in a series. The same thing goes with the iPhone – when the second one came out, it was called the iPhone 2. This continues whenever you make a never version of any product or device. The Xbox 360 may not have been called the Xbox 2, but we all knew it was the 2nd in the series of Xbox consoles.

And now, after all this time, Microsoft calls the 3rd console in the Xbox line the “Xbox One”, instead of something like, oh I don't know, Xbox 3? or how about the Xbox 720? A lot of gamers and tech news services called the latest Xbox the Xbox 720. You don't go back to 1, because it wasn't the first console. You are supposed to go UP in the version number, and keep going up in the number.

Are they gonna do this with the next version of their PC Operating System? The current one is called Windows 8, does that mean the new one is gonna be called “Windows 6”? I'm serious here. It's just dumb.

In addition of making devices that look like they belong in sci-fi movies from the 1980's and giving them dumb names, they love embracing two things gamers all over the world don't like very much nowadays: EA and DRM.

EA is the biggest fail-horse in the gaming world. So many bad moves and choices, and apparently, Microsoft is taking to them like a fish to water. If you were one of the unfortunate number of people who wasted an hour of their time not doing anything good by watching the reveal, you would know that EA wants to make a ton of Sport games for the Xbox One.

FIFA, NBA, NFL, Racing, and maybe a Hockey game, were the “major” highlights of the whole presentation. What about the rest of us who don't even PLAY these games? Where are the Action and Platformer Games? Puzzle Games? RPGs? Adventure Games, perhaps? Anyone? Anyone?

And then, as if this golden nugget of WTF couldn't get any bigger and smellier, they pump the fail box full of DRM.

From what I know (And readers please correct me if I am wrong), Microsoft has confirmed that all Xbox One games will require mandatory installation onto the system's hard drive and, to install the same disc onto another user's drive, a fee must be paid. This KILLS the used games market.


The damn thing is trying to be everything to everyone, and it fails big time. There is nothing wrong with a device or gadget that can do many things, but all of it's features cannot overshadow its primary purpose.

It's supposed to be a gaming console, first and foremost. All I heard about was how you can manage your Netflix account, and/or be on a Skype call while you are either watching TV or playing a game. I don't know about you, but When I'm watching TV or playing a game, the phone is not within reach, and I like it like that.

Its a household device that allows you to do all the things you do on your computer without leaving your living room, and can play games when you are bored with all of that mess.

And NOW the Xbox can play Blu-Ray Movies! WOW! It can play a medium that has been around since 1999! How cool is that?! It's not cool. Not at all.

We don't know about how good the gameplay is (Cinematics, is NOT gameplay btw), how much it costs, and why indie developers are snubbed from making their games available on the damn thing.

On the other hard, when you think about all the shortcomings I've mentioned, that's more like a blessing in disguise.

THIS, my fellow Dtoiders, is what happens when businesses, developers, and designers stop listening to the needs and demands of their customers, and just start focusing WAY too hard on the money and the Intellectual Property rights of publishers, which are only threatened by the stupid ideas like this.

The only people I can see buying this ridiculous console, are mega noobs with really a poor sense of design and context. No offense.

We are gamers. We are Geeks and Nerds. We are not a minority, and we are not stupid....We are a way of life, and Microsoft is insulting all of us with this craziness of a device they have come up with.

It's just a bad product all-around, and I'd rather wait for the PlayStation 4 instead.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off – I love that film.
Btw - the Original Xbox was beautiful.

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About PlayBoyManone of us since 11:05 PM on 04.30.2012

I'm that Gaming/Blogging/Moving Watching/ Indie Game Making dude on the Twitter who LOVES BIG BOOBIES !! Not to worry, I'll behave myself on Destructoid...And I will be bringing the funny.

PSN ID:R_typr_lover
Steam ID:PlayBoyMan


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