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LONG BLOG

The worst thing about censorship is ███████ - 041 - Coca-Cola

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Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about: Coca-Cola

Now, we all know and love Cola. It's what made America great and also supported the distribution of these neat little mobility scooter all you fat fucks are driving on around (here in Germany you have to be actually disabled to get one, not just fat). But did you know: even Coca Cola isn't immune to censorship. And it's even in place worldwirde.



First we have Diet Coke. First released in 1982 this maimed version of Coca-Cola was released without sugar. The sugar was replaced though wit aspartame, an artificial sweetener. This is of course like removing the blood in a slasher flick. It was a very weak version of something great and got shit on by true fans heavily, and rightfully so. Sadly this version is still in circulation.

One year later it was made even worse. Diet Coke got a re-release in form of a caffeine free version. Yes, they really went there and removed the sugar AND the caffeeine. This version of Coca-Cola is basically totally useless and I would highly recommend you stay away from this shit. This shit is basically drinkable AIDS. Avoid at all costs.

There were many versions of Diet Coke and Caffeine free Diet Coke and all of them were nothing but butchered ports of the original version. Abominations, all of them. They were clearly made to make the stuff more kidfriendly and "downgrades" like this for reasons like this make me just sick. Fuck the Coa-Cola Company for that. They didn't HAVE to release those versions, but they just went and did it anyway.

 

On the upside, there are also some extended versions that were released over time. Some were just for certain countries like Coca-Cola Raspberry, which was only available in New Zealand. A good extended version of Coca-Cola is also Lemon Coke. Not as sweet as the original, but a good overall addition. The best version of Coca-Cola by far, however, is Vanilla Coke. This is the ultimate version of Coca-Cola and unites all the upsides of the original with only enhancing it. This version was first released in 2002 and is basically better in all regards than the original. I would highly recommend you get this one if possible, why go for anything less than the best? It has the best taste, best controls (the cans open like by themselves), best graphics (a nice, saturated red-black) and the best smell (so sweet, yet not too sweet).

Next time we'll take a look at how Pepsi mutated their own drinks into horrible pieces of shit.

Salida

(yeah, I know, it's not a real prank, but in the age of the internet you can't pull any pranks anymore unless you fucking flat out lie, so I'll leave it at this and hope you got maybe a chuckle out of this)

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About OpiumHerzone of us since 3:54 AM on 04.10.2013

German Blogger, writing the series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " (go check it out!) since I like to write about that topic and am invested in it a whole lot. Also writes some other stuff sometimes. Likes to listen to very strange bands and has the ultimate goal in life to taste every soft drink there is at least once.
Pure Gonzo - and while I thank god for Jim Sterling sometimes, I thank god for Hunter S. Thompson every day.




I'm a bastard. Don't trust me. Always keep asking, don let yourself get fed bullshit - not even by me.

I like good games. Yes, that's quite general, but I don't really like confining myself to certain genres. I like interesting approaches, invention and creativity. But I can enjoy a straight-up shooter as much as a "Bastion". It just has to be done well and appeal to me on some level.

Want to know anything else? Just leave a comment under a blog or write a message. Same goes for corrections (please), as English isn't my native language and thus isn't nearly perfect.


Censorship Blogs so far:
001: The System (Part 1)
002: The System (Part 2)
003: The stupid publishers
004: How Germans get uncensored games
005: Bioshock Infinite
006: Call Of Duty
007: Grand Theft Auto
008: Dead Space
009: Manhunt
010: Sniper Elite V2 (again)
011: Fallout
012: Various Games #1
013: Nazis
014: Mortal Kombat 9 on Steam
015: Contra
016: Halo
017: Saints Row
018: All the other stuff
019: Command & Conquer
020: The Lanzarote Convention
021: Various Games #2
022: Half-Life
023: The Legend Of Zelda
024: Various Games #3
025: Various Games #4

---
026: What system would you prefer
027: South Park - The Stick Of Truth
028: South Park - The Stick Of Truth (Part 2)
029: Various Games #5
030: Wolfenstein
031: Resident Evil (main series)
032: Resident Evil (spin offs)
033: Various Games #6
034: Turning Point: Fall Of Liberty
035: Blacks and women
036: Pokemon
037: Left 4 Dead
038: Left 4 Dead 2

---
039: 2015 Predictions
040: Dying Light
041: Coca-Cola
042: Pillars of Eternity
043: The Order: 1886
044: Mortal Kombat X


Stuff I also wrote and you should read:
~HOW TO MAKE THE C-BLOGS A BETTER PLACE

~ Punish the individuals - not the scene they move in
~ My consoles don't fight each other - what's your excuse?
~ But what about the men?
~ Fake gamer girls and the damage they do
~ The Raid On Castle DToid
~ My little guide to german music (NVGR)
~ You should buy Goat Simulator - no, seriously...
~ Gravelord Nito, I love you more than Vanilla Coke
~ Let's clear up the console wars, shall we?




... und Pan spielt die Fl�te.