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Those about to die: Nazis

They are arguably the most infamous and evil group in human existence. The kind of guys who steal candy from babies, and then kill the little runt if he's Jewish(yes, even Holocaust jokes aren't off-limits on THIS blog). Because of their much-loathed position in the annals of history, they are easy victims for antagonists. When the Thuggee Indians of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom are shown as chilled monkey brain eating cultists, people get offended and write angry letters. When Indy smacks around Nazis and plays them for fools, its a get out of jail-free card.

This film portrays us in a negative light! You'll hear from our lawyers! - Nazi Party Inc.

Naturally, this translates to video games very well. Ever since Wolfenstien has us blasting Socialists and fighting Robo-Hitler, they've been cannon fodder for many years. This post will focus on a few of the more memorable encounters with those damn dirty Nazis.

Now of some of you may know the history behind this little entry, but I'll give you the details anyway. Bionic Commando is a Capcom NES title. Super Joe apparently wasn't that Super, because he gets kidnapped, and now Radd Spencer(thats you) has to go behind enemy lines, exploring(read: stealing from) neutral zones, and try to go as fast as you can through the occasional tedious overhead minigame. The thing is, you can't jump. "What good is a platformer if you can't jump?" Never fear, Capcom has installed a brilliantly inventive mechanic that gives meaning to the title of the game: your Bionic Arm. With it, you can climb and swing your way through the game's various and difficult levels. Its all pretty genius(and actually somewhat improved in several spots in the remake, Bionic Commando Rearmed), and I highly recommend you leave this blog now if you haven't played(1. because its "AMAZING" as a fellow retro game-loving/Indiana Jones fan would say, and 2. SPOILERS!).

Now, in the Japanese version of the game, the enemies are all Nazis and the final boss is Hitler. Capcom USA thought "Whoa, Nazis might offend somebody, so instead of having people shoot them, we're going to change them all to generic goons!". Which is what they did, and Hitler became "Master D". Yeah, good job localization team. Luckily, the actual final boss of Hitler stayed intact at the end of the game, where you have to fire a rocket at the cockpit of the ship he's in, causing HIS HEAD TO EXPLODE IN M-RATED VIOLENCE!

This is somewhat improved in the remake, where it explodes in 3d!


Props to the remake guys for keeping this classic scene in(its the only reason the game got a M-rating too), because any game that gives you the ability to blow up Hitler's head is awesome in my book.

Actually I can put about just every World War Two shooter here, and maybe Wolfenstein might have been more appropriated as the originator, but this one is the most recent. In the campaign mode for Call of Duty: World at War, you take on the role as various soldiers in the last stages of WWII, specifically the Pacific Island battles between USA and Japan. When you're not dodging Banzai attacks from those wacky Japs, you over in Soviet Russia, taking back the Motherland with fellow comrade-in-arms and all-around badass Reznov. The fights are intense, the action is constant, and Reznov's affection for your character is just a tad bit disturbing, but the final stage delivers.

You, Rez, and the Russian army rush the Reichstag building in Nazi Germany. The battle is bloody and vicious, but by the end you and your boys still stand on the roof of the building. You grab the Russian flag, and make your way to the front to plant it, when a stray Nazi shoots you! You fall to the ground, but Reznov jumps in with a HUGE machete he must have borrowed from Jason Vorhees. He then proceeds to RAPE that damn Nazi in 300-style comic booky gore! He then helps you up as you plan the flag, as he shouts to sky that the heart of the army can never be broken, and they we will return to Russia as heroes. Its Super Epic.


In 1996, SNK decided to make the most awesome series of 2d run'n'gun shooters ever(sorry Contra/Gunstar Heroes). The games are like everything awesome about 2d action games: GORGEOUS graphics(some of the greatest spritework ever still, to this day, even a single explosion has several detailed frames of animation), lots of weapons of mass destruction, memorable songs that drive you into battle, easy to play controls, addictive high scoring challenging gameplay, and a big dose of cartoony comedy.

The enemies of the series range from giant enemy crabs to vomit-spewing zombies, but the original game is all about Nazis. Well to be fair, they're called "Rebels", but thats some Bionic Commando-style localization; its pretty clear by the flag insignias and their general attire of the enemies' outfits who they are. The thing about Metal Slug, is that all the above I mentioned comes together in a beautiful, funny package of destruction for the cannon fodder you'll be facing. For about every single way you can kill, SNK seems to have put an animation in. Rockets cause the enemies to fly through the air, screaming like a little girl. Shotguns literally evaporate them, and lasers cut them in half. The best is when your commando grabs a Flame Shot, hits a Nazi with a ball of fire, and he proceeds to burst aflame waving his arms in the air as he crumbles to the ground. And its funny!


Nazi killing action!

In conclusion, Nazis will always be the best enemies. They have funny accents and cool outfits. Whether they are part robot, part zombie, or just really stupid, defeating them will never go out of style.

Get 'em Indy!
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About Ninja In Distressone of us since 3:50 PM on 08.28.2008