My Avatar Is Awesome
Do you really need any other reason? That was rhetorical, of course you don't. You and your companions could bask in the awesomeness that is my avatar, free of charge, at your own discretion, during this year's Penny Arcade Expo. Why wouldn't you be doing this anyway in the first place? Again, rhetorical. But just in case you are unsure, which you shouldn't be at this point, here are some bullet-points to shoot into your indecisive brain:
.My Avatar Is Famous
It is a design attributed to the prolific and acclaimed graffiti painter, Banksy
. People have bought, sold, and hung my avatar on the walls of their multi-thousand-dollar luxury apartments. If someone recognizes it as you hold it up for camera modeling, they will wonder if you or someone you know knows Banksy
. They will approach you with questions regarding your connection to Banksy
. You will acquire new companions out of a mutual respect and admiration for Banksy
. You will be able to share your PAX experience, your strongest desires, and your deepest fears with these people. And when they find out you don't really care one way or the other about Banksy
, at the very least you'll have gotten a handy/one-nighter/threesome out of it.
.My Avatar Will Get You Laid
As stated previously, my avatar brings people together. Sexually. Now, you may already have a significant other you're bringing with you to PAX. Be it a bf/gf, husband/wife, or domestic partner; do not let this perk dissuade you and your loved one from getting it on with another couple. Just let it happen. And make sure my framed avatar is faced toward the orgy, to increase the levels of aphrodisia. My avatar has been scientifically proven in clinical studies to stimulate endorphin production. Don't look it up, just trust me.
You'll thank me later.
.My Avatar Will Always Tell You What Time It Is
Sexy Good Time.
.My Avatar Keeps It Real
It will never cock-block you or incessantly hit on your girl when it's had too much to drink. Nor will it sell you out for free merch when you accidentally knock over, swipe, or break off a piece of a publisher's exhibit. My avatar has got your back if any fanboys get up in your grill about some fanboy bullshit. And that's a promise.
Adopt my avatar for PAX 2010, and I will personally print it out, laminate it, place it in a manila envelope, and send it to you via the United States Postal Service.* When it arrives, it will practically pop out of the package at you, ready and raring to go.
Paper tears? Non-existent.
Liquid spills? Covered.
Hotel fire? My avatar will be the first to pull the alarm, guaranteed
.You Hardly Know Me, If At All
You can make up whatever you want about the guy behind the avatar. I'm a man of mystery. A viscous cloud of unknowablilityness. I could be the ninja that pulled your dog out of a fire when you were young.
The long-distance lover stuck in hospice, who longs to be with you at this phenomenal event, but remains bedridden due to terminal wounds caused by falling into a spiked pit full of ravenous polar bears with Hep C, while spelunking in the Galápagos.
Helluva wingman, who took a sucker punch from that 6.5 you went home with the other week.
Your coke dealer.
You could tell all of these things to people, and more, and you will be that much cooler for knowing me - even though you don't.
.I'm Actually A Swell Guy / You'll Feel Better About Yourself
I'm relatively new to Destructoid, but the peeps in the Forums can attest that I'm an alright joe. My badges show that I have an awesome beard, my threads don't suck, and I'm a man of my word when I trade games. Bringing my avatar with you to PAX will allow a cool guy down on his luck to live vicariously through you and our Dtoid mates at the show. Did I mention it'll get you laid as well?
.I Love You
This goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway.
.Do It For The Children
Wait... I hate kids. Scratch that.
Anyway, you get the point. Take my avatar to PAX and you won't regret it
. Like at all. Seriously. The worst that could happen is you lose it, and then you will have no one to blame but yourself. Awesome, right?
*Details of actual manifestation of avatar on your person are very negotiable... and subject to change, regardless.
LOOK WHO CAME: