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Who Would Make Awesome Mortal Kombat DLC?

A long time ago, on another site I wrote for, I wrote an article on this very subject: after seeing Freddy make the cut as Mortal Kombat DLC, who would make great DLC as well? Now, two things I should get out of the way: 1. I don't play Mortal Kombat, 2. This article is for fun, it doesn't matter if Warner Bros. or whatever says that Mortal Kombat can't have more of its IPs for DLC.

I won't use pictures, since I'm lazy.

1. Jason Voorhees

Okay, stop reading this blog post if you seriously didn't see this coming. Freddy vs. Jason, in a game. Wouldn't that be awesome?! Friday the 13th is owned by New Line Cinema, whose parent company is currently Warner Bros., so the possibility exists. I'm not exactly sure what his fatalities would entail, but I just know that if Jason did wind up in Mortal Kombat, some art director is going to be lazy and give him a decapitation fatality.

2. T-800 (or Terminator)

I'm not exactly sure if Warner Bros. owns the Terminator franchise, but they did distribute the last two movies. Still, I think that the T-800 would be a very unique character in Mortal Kombat. When you perform an x-ray attack on it, it could show the actual Terminator's skeleton underneath the artificial flesh. I'd say it could work for the T-1000, but the x-ray movies for that would just show liquid metal, and you can't break the bones of a liquid, now can you, wise ass? The T-800's fatalities would probably not be very special but would have to involve a shotgun in at least one of them.

3. Rorschach

Okay, I know that Warner Bros. owns Watchmen. Well, DC Comics owns Watchmen, and DC Comics is owned by Warner Bros. Anyway, Rorschach is the most familiar character from Watchmen, with the other one being Doctor Manhattan (and god damn, I hate that overpowered character so much). Rorschach is easily one of the most physically capable (I don't count Doctor Manhattan). You could put in Ozymandias too. Well, no, you can't, but you can picture yourself jerking off to his fatalities. But then, Ozymandias is stronger than Rorschach.

4. Morpheus

Sorry, Morpheus is cooler than Neo. I'd consider Agent Smith if I was in charge, since Agent Smith is the villain and seems a little more fitting (but then, I picked Rorschach over Ozymandias). Now I'm really not sure how the Matrix setting would fit into Mortal Kombat's setting. One of the fatalities could involve Morpheus disemboweling his victim with his katana (though I guess that'd be complicated if you put in a robot like T-800). Then, strangling them with their own intestines!

5. Leatherface

Truth: I've never seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but Leatherface definitely looks threatening enough to make it into Mortal Kombat. Plus he has a chainsaw. Just imagine the fatalities! Well, okay, just imagine one of them, because the other is going to be another decapitation. He definitely looks and feels fitting, don't you think? Maybe he could dismember his opponent with his chainsaw, or even just remove their top half from their legs (in place of the lazy decapitation route).

6. Ash Williams

Evil Dead is owned by Warner Bros., but not Evil Dead II or Army of Darkness, so I'm not sure how well this would go over. But seriously, there's a comic book based on Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash, so why the hell not? Can't you just picture Ash Williams ripping people a new one? He'd probably end up fighting with only his chainsaw, while his other hand holds his "BOOMSTICK" for the occasional projectile attack. Then one of his fatalities involve relieving his opponent of their arms, and then politely shooting them in the face after they bleed out for a bit.

Now, this whole list was meant to entertain and even just think about. It may not be possible to include any of these characters in Mortal Kombat, but I don't care. It's just food for thought and awesomeness. But I gotta say, having Jason Voorhees in Mortal Kombat would be epic.

While I'm on the subject of Mortal Kombat, I have a message to Ed Boon (and indeed, NetherRealm Studios in general) which he'll never read: fuck you. First of all, you give an exclusive character to the PS3 version of Mortal Kombat, then refuse one to the XBox 360 version, and flat-out refuse XBox 360 owners a reason why you didn't? Oh wait, you're "not allowed to say much," I'm sorry for being unsympathetic. So, sure, maybe Marcus Fenix and John-117 couldn't make the cut (even though there was a Spartan in Dead or Alive 4, but whatever). But you couldn't have given the XBox 360 version like, say, a new, custom character, or some old Mortal Kombat character? Forgive me for my lack of sympathy, but I don't believe this lie that Ed Boon is feeding us. I honestly doubt anything kept him and NetherRealm Studios from giving an extra character to the XBox 360 version as if to say, "We're sorry we couldn't get a license for another IP, deal with this." I honestly believe they favor the PS3 over the XBox 360 (as many developers and publishers these days do). I own a PS3 and XBox 360, so I think it's fair enough for me to complain on the behalf of XBox 360 owners.

If there's any really good reason why Ed Boon would lie to us (he may not have been able to say anything, but he didn't have to reject XBox 360 owners any possibility of an exclusive character), feel free to post in the comments. Personally I'm upset by this, but this question may have already been answered. So if there is a reason (and you have proof of it), I retract my statement. But if not, double fuck you to Boon.

UPDATE: DNA619 gave me the idea of another list, for other video game characters that might fit in Mortal Kombat. Naturally, this list isn't any more realistic than the other one, if not less so. So here's a couple I can think of that would fit. I also added one other character to the movie list.

1. Alex Mercer

Considering how gratuitously violent the game is already (and let's be honest, its writing is almost as bad as Mortal Kombat's), I'm sure they might actually be willing to share Alex Mercer with NetherRealms for DLC if Eddy asked nicely enough (though Activision would make NetherRealm sign over their souls). His first fatality would be something with the whipfist: he would penetrate the victim's head, then use the whip to slice them into thirds, and hold up the head on his whipfist as a trophy. It's another beheading, yes, but I think this one is pretty awesome. The second one would involve hammerfists or musclemass. Alex would punch his opponent really hard and their chest would explode, revealing their ribs protruding through their flesh, or even their entire torso exploding if the artists are lazy.

2. Adam Jensen

Well... I considered a Capcom or Namco fighting character, but I doubt that a company making fighting games would let their characters go into another fighting game (Mortal Kombat is a competitor, after all). So I figured, why not Square Enix? First I was thinking Rico Rodriguez, but he seems more like a B-action movie hero rather than someone who'd really get down and dirty. Adam Jensen doesn't fit the mold neatly like Alex Mercer does, but he works. Considering Kano's already got implants, I'm not sure why Adam Jensen can't be in. Adam would use his arm blades as a fatality, first of all. Then the second one would probably involve using his Typhoon implant to blow up his opponent.

So I highly doubt those two would ever make it, but think about it. If they did, wouldn't that be awesome?
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About Nick Jonesone of us since 12:48 PM on 07.22.2011