One day, I couldn't stop smiling.

I had forgotten to sleep for a couple of days. I could tell, because my nightmares usually stay in my dreams, and don't come out into real life.

Something about Jonathan Holmes, blah blah blah

Something threatening and unpleasant, yada yada. Iím just going to stop there. You get the fucking picture.


So then.

Hello Destuctoid! I, uh, think we got off on the wrong foot.

My nameís Callum. I was a little reluctant to give my name, but once youíve posted numerous close-up shots of your face and accompanying greasy pimples, withholding your name so as not to be discovered seems a little redundant.

Iíve been told for a very long time that I have an Ďoddí sense of humour- that seems to be the consensus, who am I to disagree with it. Itís frustrating for me though, because although Iím able to make my friends laugh, theyíre not able to return the favour. Which is fair; I canít expect them to strip for me and scream about how lonely they are I suppose. Anyway, I thought a potential solution to my stony face was to try and amuse myself in my spare time, by making the sort of stuff I'd want to see.

I took to regularly reading Destructoid a few months back, after the only quality gaming magazine in Britain closed down (Nintendo Gamer, formerly known as NGamer- there are back issues on ebay, get them quick). Nintendo Gamer was extremely well written, but it was light hearted and whimsical and laugh-out-loud funny, and knew that when it came to videogame writing, passion and honesty win out over navel-gazing intellectual punch ups every time.

Well, in theory anyway. The former publisher of Nintendo Gamer also puts out ĎEdge Magazineí, a magazine thatís equally well-written, far more respected, and deathly, deathly dull. The magazine with the bloody tagline Ďthe future of interactive entertainmentí lives on, while Nintendo Gamer, died last August.

For me, Destructoid is its spiritual successor. Itís perhaps a little lighter on the British whimsy, and more heavy on the dick jokes, but the unabashed passion for videogames and the people who love them that I saw in NGamer is definitely alive and well here. Itís also the only site I've come across where the new, refreshingly progressive attitude thatís been sweeping across games writing as of late, has successfully taken over with sincerity, without pomposity, and without sacrificing a sense of fun.

I also see Dtoid as one of the only places liberal enough with common sense to let me post the sort of tat I like, so Iíll be sticking around for a while. A very, very sincere thanks for having me- I love the site and all it stands for.

I play videogames sometimes, as it happens, and Iím aiming to take more time to read the community's thoughts about them, and write down some of my own. I think Iíve got a weirder history with the medium than most. My first console was the Sega Megadrive, in 2003, and it was my only console for nearly five years- until I bought a PS1 for the original Silent Hill, and the original Silent Hill alone. My favourite game is Silent Hill Shattered Memories, which, at over 50 playthroughs, is the game Iíve sunk the most time into. Donít regret a second.

I'm hoping to keep posting stuff where my face is a pie and I give a running commentary on how it feels to travel down a child's digestive system etc etc, but do tell me if I step out of line and actually upset you. Again, I really am grateful for you having me here, and I'm hoping to become part of the community- not just exist as the red-headed step child you take pity on, but still shove in the corner at parties. Thanks again, and I'll see you around.

..Somehow, me trying to be normal is creepier isn't it?
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About My Enormous Hairy Downstairs Kitchenone of us since 2:33 PM on 01.05.2012

I'm sorry. I guess I had a bad day.

My name is too long for Disqus, so in the comments I'm posting as 'My_Neutered_Downstairs_Kitchen'.
Xbox LIVE:MoonOnAStick302
Steam ID:OnTheHour


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