Yesterday, we delved into the minds of the video game serial killer to see what the favorite tools of the trade were, and because we are a community, I have been educated on what instruments of death our dtoidians admire. I ran out of time yesterday to complete the list I had in mind, but that doesn't mean I don't have today to add to it.
Let's recap from yesterday's: The Weapon of Choice - Volume I * Sniper Rifles - Various Titles * Flame Throwers - Various Titles * The Cerebral Bore - Turok 2 * The Gravity Gun - Half Life 2 * The Fat Man - Fallout 3 * The Entire Ninja 2 Gaiden Arsenal * The Hand of God - Rise of the Triads * The Lancer - Gears of War (2)
As in yesterday's article we will be taking a look at the most inventive and colorful way, to end a life in a video game. From 1 to 5, this is the criteria for which the arsenal shall be judged: 1) Originality - Has it been done before and can we get it on the black market? 2) Fun Factor - Is it fun to watch the life be taken in the fashion to which it is taken? 3) Gore Gauge - Will we need maxi-pads for the clean up? 4) Difficulty - Is it easy to use?
Of course I have not played every single video game the world has had to offer, so if you can contribute to the topic in any way, please feel free to do so. Today we will start with what people suggested yesterday.
The BFG 9000 - Doom 1, Doom 2, Doom 3 (Quake II, Quake III Arena) As suggested by Ironpikeman.
We all know this gun, and we all use to type in the IDKFA cheat so that we could attain all weapons and infinite ammo just so we could use this thing on everything that moved. The BFG 9000 is a huge, solid metal gun that fires balls of green plasma. The most powerful weapon in the games, it is capable of destroying nearly any player or enemy with a single hit. Most FPS implemented similar weapons, but few of them were quite as notorious as the BFG 9000. Quake II
and Quake III Arena
pay homage to the BFG 9000 with a pair of similar weapons both called the BFG10K. The Motion Picture DOOM
dubbed it the Bio-Force Gun, but we all know what BFG really stands for, and so does Dwayne Johnson
as he walks into the armory and states the obvious when he remarks 'That's a big fuck'n gun'.
1) Originality - 4 - Then it was first of it's kind, now there are countless imitations 2) Fun Factor - 3 - Was great to play with for a little, but gets boring quickly coz everything dies 3) Gore Gauge - 3 - Everything is dead by the time we can see anything 4) Difficulty - 1 - Point and shoot, even if you miss it will most likely kill it. The Blades of Chaos - God of War Series As suggested by Ironpikeman.
The blood work in this these games is very similar to that of the Ninja Gaiden
series. Clean steel, followed by a fire trail, followed by crimson red blood. Even if other weapons are attained throughout the game, one always seems to go back to using the blades because they never get old. A pair of curved blades on chains attached to his forearms, giving him the ability to swing them at a distance. They become engulfed in flames when used, but cool down when hung on Kratos'
back. During certain gameplay, the Gods aid Kratos by bestowing their weapons and powers upon him. The combat in which these blades are used is cut-throat brutal and so it should be.
1) Originality - 3 - Ancient Japan used blades on chains. But not to this exact replica. 2) Fun Factor - 4 - It's hard not to use these blades throughout the entire game 3) Gore Gauge - 4 - Red Liquid and Limbs go all over the place 4) Difficulty - 2 - There are variations but it's easy to pick up Proximity & Remote Mines - Goldeneye 007 As suggested by PuppyLicks
If you never played Goldeneye 007
or if you are too young to have played the Nintendo 64
...you need to go and learn your heritage! Because without this game I honestly believe that FPS would not be what they are today. Usually, video games derived from films turn out to be rushed pieces of shit so they can be released around the same time as the film. This was an exception beyond my wildest expectations. The single player was a great experience, but having three of your mates around playing split screen was the vagina flavored icing on the cake.
From Golden Guns
to Throwing Knives
, the weapon selection was the biggest any game had ever seen up to that point. I use to love placing these mines (proximity or remote) all over the map and either wait for my friend to walk into them or lure them in and blow them up remotely. And with the ultimate kill comes the ultimate payoff. Friendly humiliation and a shit-load of laughs.
1) Originality - 2 - Mines had been used before but not like this 2) Fun Factor - 5 - I used to stack them like pancakes on a wall and wait 3) Gore Gauge - 0 - No blood but the body goes flying 4) Difficulty - 3 - The hardest part was stopping your friends from watching your screen The Tek Bow - The Turok Series As suggested by CelicaCrazed
Since the first installment of Turok
in 1995 for the Nintendo 64
, I have come to learn that the people behind the weapon design are creative mother fuckers. Turok 2
had many weapons that I would love to mention here including the Razor Wind
but another time when I don't already have a Turok entry. The Tek-Bow was always a favorite for many due to shooting arrows into the heads and having the enemy run around there-after with a bunch of arrows sticking out of his face.
Another favorite for the Tek-Bow were the poison arrows, which after being fired into an enemy would cause the poor victim to die in a pool of his own blood and vomit. Not a good way to go, but a damn good way to see somebody go.
1) Originality - 1 - The bow and arrow concept is very common 2) Fun Factor - 4 - Silently hunting your victim with a arrow to the back of the head = fun 3) Gore Gauge - 4 - Arrows sticking out of bodies while still alive...nuff said 4) Difficulty - 4 - A bitch to shoot accurately but it pays off The Knife - Various Titles As suggested by Aziel13
This is the weapon of an expert killer who refuses to be at a distance and prefers to look into the eyes of his enemy as they die, that is of course if he isn't stabbing them in the back. The knife has been around ever since the original Wolfenstein when it was made up of a few pixels and made a dull computer generated noise with each thrust. In recent times, the knife is the most commonly used melee weapon in a first person shooter with a variety of ways to use it. This is how a professional does things...
Inspiration for my LAST avatar change (for a while anyway)
Slice, Stab, Throw, Cut and Gouge. If things get boring in a game, go back to using the knife and the intensity soon picks itself back up and a challenge is present. Definitely a favorite amongst more professional first person shooter players who have the skill and patience to pull of the perfect, beautiful and silent kill. Knife Highlights: Turok, Call of Duty 4 - Modern Warfare, Goldeneye 007, Farcry
...there are too many to think of.
1) Originality - 0 - People have used knives to kill since the dawn of time 2) Fun Factor - 4 - If you are good with a knife, there is plenty of fun to have 3) Gore Gauge - 4 - Not a pretty way to go 4) Difficulty - 4 - A difficult kill to get most of the time considering your enemy has a gun Plasma Grenades - Halo Series As suggested by SickNasty
One thing that always seems to boggle me is why the Halo
series has generated so many fan boys and so many hateful critics. I really enjoyed playing through the trilogy due to the narrative, however I did find that many of the combat situations kept repeating themselves including the use of Plasma grenades, which in my experience was not a bad thing. So if you have been hiding under a rock for the last decade and have no idea what I am talking about, a Plasma Grenade is similar to a standard grenade, in that it detonates after about 2 to 3 seconds. However, what set's it apart is it's ability to stick to the opponent it is thrown at, so that they have no chance of survival.
The greatest thing about using these babies is the 2 to 3 second period after the grenade has stuck onto the opposition because it is in that moment that you know he is fucked, and he knows he is fucked. It's like you mentally connect for a brief period with a beautiful, florescent blue glow between the two of you...and then BOOM!
1) Originality - 2 - Grenades and 'Sticky' bombs have been around since WWII 2) Fun Factor - 4 - It's the moment between the throw and the explosion thats the payoff 3) Gore Gauge - 1 - No blood, just a flying body 3) Difficulty - 4 - You are either a very good throw or very close to the enemy to land one The Shrink Ray - Duke Nukem 3D As suggested by Norm9
Ok, this weapon was the most useless piece of shit in the game. In a room full of enemies it would take you three times longer to kill everything with this than with anything else more practical. So why then, did we love to use it? Answer; because it was bloody fun. A classic example of sacrificing time efficiency for entertainment and we sure as hell didn't care. It was obvious we had time to waste on good spirited fun while listening to Duke Nukem
(who somehow went from an 8-bit Commander Keen clone with a buzz cut to a womanizing, macho as fuck meat head) pull off classic phrases from Full Metal Jacket like, 'I'm going to tear your head off and shit down your neck'.
The Shrink Ray does exactly what it's title suggests; It shrinks things. The stronger the enemy the more shots it would take to shrink it, but when it shrank to the size of a rat, it didn't matter how big they were
. After shrinking an enemy you would have to run up and mash them into the ground with your foot which always took longer than shooting them with a machine gun, but was always much more fun.
1) Originality - 5 - Never saw it before that, or after that 2) Fun Factor - 5 - Multiplayer was always a laugh with this baby 3) Gore Gauge - 3 - A small puddle of blood is all that’s left after you raise your foot from the floor 4) Difficulty - 3 - Not so much difficult, just a pain in the arse The Chainsaw - Doom Series As suggested by SuitcoatAvenger
Last on this volume of The Weapon of Choice is the mighty Chainsaw. Before FPS became the number one suspect for parents to blame the actions of their depressed, fucked in the head teenagers on, there were films. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scarface
& Army of Darkness
put fear into the hearts of many because the last thing you want to hear, feel and see before you die is a chainsaw cutting through your shoulder blade. ID Software
had nothing to worry about because during the time Doom
was released, video games weren’t in the spot light. Hence they brought forth, for our killing pleasure...The Chainsaw.
I am going to quote SuitcoatAvenger
: Seems cliché' now, but think back to the first time you played Doom. Think back to when... you first found the chainsaw. You pick it up, Doomguy's face breaks out into a jaw-breaking grin. Off you go, sprinting through the level, cutting through the swarms of hell with reckless abandon. Oh yes. 1) Originality - 4 - For the time, it was unthinkable 2) Fun Factor - 5 - The sound of sawing an Imp while it made that groaning sound was sheer brilliance 3) Gore Gauge - 4 - Again for the time, using the chainsaw in itself was a gruesome act 4) Difficulty - 1 - Hold down the Ctrl button and run into an enemy and watch the screen shake
Well, that's it from me for today, I'll be back tomorrow either taking something to do with gaming way too seriously, or not serious enough. There is no in between with me. And yes, I know its stupid. I'll leave you with MechaMonkey
's request for Christopher Walken to be the weapon of choice...and he is:
The Ultimate Weapon of Choice