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The Weapon of Choice


Since the dawn of time, Man, in his most violent stages has used whatever he can in order to seek out justice, defend what is rightfully his, crush to innocent and sometimes just vent by climbing a clock tower before taking himself out with a bullet through his brain. Countless lives have been taken for the endeavor of a great many things including but not limited to; Truth, freedom, land, love, hate, boredom and fun.

The great thing about gaming are the inventive ways it comes up with how you as the main controller of the narrative can take a life. From a Combat Knife in the neck through to a Mini-Nuke to the face. Without the right tools, you can't do the job. It ain't rocket science, but the right tool for the job can sure as hell be a Rocket Launcher.

In this article we will be taking a look at the most inventive and colorful way, to end a life in a video game. From 1 to 5, this is the criteria for which the arsenal shall be judged:

1) Originality - Has it been done before and can we get it on the black market?
2) Fun Factor - Is it fun to watch the life be taken in the fashion to which it is taken?
3) Gore Gauge - Will we need maxi-pads for the clean up?
4) Difficulty - Is it easy to use?

Of course I have not played every single video game the world has had to offer, so if you can contribute to the topic in any way, please feel free to do so. Alright, with that out of the way...let's start simple.

The Sniper Rife -Various Titles

Anybody who has played ANY first person shooting with a sniper device of any kind will know that forcing a bullet through the head of an opposing player from a great distance is a damn satisfying experience. Many FPS games have incorporated the Sniper Rifle into them because it is the ultimate way to take the life of your enemy...without them knowing where it came from. Constantly leaving them in a state of, what I like to refer to as; 'WTF!'. Sniping is always measured by the difficulty of the shot and if a headshot was to have taken place while the enemy was jumping through the air...the person in charge of the shot goes ballistic, and rightfully so, because it is not an easy kill to get. Sniping highlights: Gears of War (2), Battlefield: Bad Company, Counterstrike, Team Fortress (The Original), Call of Duty 4 - Modern Warfare.

1) Originality - 1 - Most shooters will likely include a Sniper Rifle.
2) Fun Factor - 3 - Sniping can get boring very quickly if you are shit at it.
3) Gore Gauge - 4 - Heads usually split or come completely off...
4) Difficulty - 5 - Sniping is a gift in almost any game which some people will have, and others will not.

The Flame Thrower - Various Titles

If you have little patience and like the killing up close, personal and down right torturous, then this baby is your calling. A personal favorite for my good friend Puppy Licks because he is just a flat out fucked unit (which I love). It can be a pain in the arse when you are playing online due to lag because while you may think you are right next to your enemy boiling their piss inside their bladder, they are usually a safe distance away priming a bullet for your head. But seriously, if you like to see people burn in agony with their skin bubbling and their screams blocked out by the sound of flames shot out of a red hot barrel (Not in a Chlamydia kind of way), then this insane weapon of flame obviously belongs in your insane hands. Flaming Highlights: Team Fortress 2, Return to Castle Wolfenstein, Gears of War 2.

1) Originality - 3 - Many games can't pull it off well.
2) Fun Factor - 4 - Flame Camping...A Shameful act, but so much fun.
3) Gore Gauge - 1 - Sadly, the detail of death by fire in games doesn't resemble that of real life.
4) Difficulty - 2 - Point and Shoot, just make sure you are in close.

The Cerebral Bore - Turok 2 [Seeds of Evil]

Remember having to go out and buy that Nintendo 64 Expansion Pack? I don't because I just took it out of my cousins and replaced it with the normal one from my 64. But aside from that, there was one reason everybody talked about this game. Aside from the fact that the levels were too huge and too few with few save points and stupid objectives, the greatest thing about this game, was this weapon. A pain in the arse to use due to the fact that it required your enemy to be moving at the same pace as your dead grand mother to get a lock on. But at the rare moment it did work (Or you just got your mate to stand still in multiplayer so you could show them) it had everybody sitting up and admiring it as if it were one of the grand works of Pablo Picasso. For anybody who didn't play this game, the Cerebral Bore was a weapon you would attain later in the game with a very limited ammo capacity. When fired, the explosive projectile (which contained a boring drill) would latch onto the enemies head, bore down into the brain and explode sending skull, brain and face over the place.

1) Originality - 5 - Never seen it before or after this game
2) Fun Factor - 4 - It's like watching 64 bit fire works
3) Gore Gauge - 4 - For the time, it was grand.
4) Difficulty - 4 - You have more chances finding a dick on a fish than pulling this off

The Gravity Gun - Half Life 2

This can be a prick to use if you only have wooden crates around you to hurl at your enemies. But you get yourself near some Table-Saw blades or large boulders and you could take down a fucking T-Rex. Breaking the rules of physics, this weapon (which was funnily enough used as a utility) enables it's user to hurl (with great force) anything which gravity effects into an enemy. Chairs, Tables, Humans, Crates, Blades, Rocks & whatever else you can see lying around. The greatest function of this weapon however, is it's ability to catch enemy grenades mid air and hurl them straight back to them. The hunted soon becomes the hunter with one of these babies.

1) Originality - 5 - It's a gravity gun
2) Fun Factor - 5 - I smash crates with this thing just for fun
3) Gore Gauge - 2 - Usually no blood, but fumbling bodies makes up for it
4) Difficulty - 2 - Surprisingly very easy to use

The Fat Man - Fallout 3

The commercial for this weapon is hilarious, which is why I have decided to let it do most of the talking for me. But put simply, the Fat Man catapults a miniature nuclear bomb into your enemy. Usually the direct result is body parts all over the place but sometimes when the vapor clears there is nothing left of your enemies at all. Who would say no to eradicating their enemies? The only problem is Mini-Nukes are not cheap and hard to find.

1) Originality - 3 - The original Turok for Nintendo 64 had a simular weapon.
2) Fun Factory - 4 - Save the game before use so you can load it up and fire again
3) Gore Gauge - 3 - There is usually nothing left to see
4) Difficulty - 3 - Using V.A.T.S works a lot easier than firing manually

The Entire Ninja Gaiden 2 Arsenal

I tried to limit it down to one, but it is impossible. Every weapon in this game has it's own unique way of spraying blood all over the place while arms, legs and heads go in different directions. Given this game is extremely frustrating to play in some areas, it makes up for it in the way you can dispose of the pathetic ninja and demon minions that rise up against you. From the Dragon Sword through to the Falcon Talons, there is a favorite for all and if pressed I would limit my personal favorite down to either the Lunar Staff or the Eclipse Scythe. And yeah, there will be blood...lots of it. Example below:

1) Originality - 4 - Although they are based on real weapons, they still are imaginiative
2) Fun Factor - 5 - When executed correctly, each weapon never gets old
3) Gore Gauge - 5 - Never has there been more blood in a game
4) Difficulty - 4 - Most weapons require you to build up a decent skill level

The Hand of God - Rise of the Triads

The level design in this game was terrible but when you see your enemies eye balls go flying past the screen as you blow them up, who cares? This was one of the first games to really put detail into weaponry as well as the deaths of enemies. I specifically remember this had one of the best cheats ever; being that you could change the camera mode to being on the end of a rocket as it flew towards your enemies. Killer fun indeed. The Hand of God was a different kind of weapon in that, it would give you the power to combust your enemies to pieces by just holding your hand out towards them. Much like Dr. Manhattan in Watchmen.

1) Originality - 5 - For the time, it was one of a kind
2) Fun Factor - 5 - Blowing people up by will alone is something I wish I could do every day
3) Gore Gauge - 4 - The first time I saw the eyeball go past, I pissed myself laughing
4) Difficulty - 1 - Hold your hand out and BOOM!

The Lancer - Gears of War (2)

Fair enough, there is nothing new about an assault rifle or a chainsaw in a game. But put them together and we have a weapon that had politicians, parents and gamers going absolutely crazy. Good old Cliffy B, after working with Unreal wanted to do something a little different but keep it practical...Enter The Lancer, what I consider to be his greatest work to date. A weapon capable of gunning down your enemies from a distance while being able to cleave them in two, up close. Every time I get chain sawed in gears it tears me apart (My god, i actually didn't mean to write that pun and as lame as it is, I may have to stick with it). And as you most probably know, getting the chainsaw into your enemy online is the greatest way to humiliate them. A definite favorite amongst many gamers.

1) Originality - 4 - Original yet recognized
2) Fun Factor - 4 - Sawing somebody in two always pays off
3) Gore Gauge - 5 - Blood & Chunks fly all over the screen
4) Difficulty - 3 - It does require some skill to pull off

Well, that's it from me for now, I will do another of these because there are many, MANY great weapons out there and I am taking suggestions so be sure to hit me up with a message or a comment and I will be sure to cater to your advice.

Now go and kill something.
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About Samuel Dillingerone of us since 1:58 AM on 06.24.2008

Currently Playing:

...A lot of stuff

I am a proud member of the Refused Classification panel also consisting of Destructoid members Puppy Licks and DanMazkin, which brings to the plate a fortnightly Destructoid only podcast and soon to be video content which will also be featuring guest appearances from gaming celebs such as the Masterchief.

Mii code:[email protected]


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