Gaming News, Game Reviews, Game Trailers, Tech News



 
mrandydixon blog header photo
mrandydixon
Fronts 517Posts 19Blogs 110Following 69Followers 348


 
 








On Destructoid:
Most Comments

more notable stories

FAQ

Who updates the homepage?
Our Staff
What is Destructoid?
Long story
Can I submit a story?
#BloggersWanted
Dark theme?
Yep
Site rules?
Douche lightly
Ethics much?
Read this
Privacy?
Common sense
Who owns my posts?
You do


Get in touch

Editorial contacts
Meet our staff
Ask a question
Community@
Get support
Support@
Story idea?
Tips@
Everything else
Get in touch

LONG BLOG

Review: Gears of War 3!!!* (*Lancer Avatar Prop)

   0


[Please note that this is NOT an official Destructoid review. Please also note that if you actually thought this was an official Destructoid review, you're an idiot.]

The release of Gears of War 3 is nearly upon us! In just six short days, we Gearheads will be ripping the plastic off our cases faster than Leatherface peels the skin from his victims, anxious to see how realistic Dom's beard will look in the newly-updated Unreal Engine 3.

But what about those of us who simply cannot wait any longer? With the beta a distant memory, what will we do to curb our appetites until next Tuesday?

Why, play with our avatars, of course!



Gears of War 3 Lancer Avatar Prop (Xbox 360)
Developer: Epic Games
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Release date: May 29, 2011
Price: 240 Microsoft Points ($3)

At first glance, the Gears of War 3 Lancer Avatar Prop (henceforth GEARSLAP) may not seem like much. It is, after all, just an avatar prop; you won't even see it half the time. And then when you do see it, you'll no doubt be embarassed by just how idiotic your avatar looks wielding the damn thing.

You'll blush as it's swung back and forth like a large, motorized cake-cutting knife, and the jackass faces your avatar makes while you stare on, glass-eyed, are better suited to a fairy's wand prop than something as meaty as the GEARSLAP. (Likewise, this reviewer in particular was quite disappointed that, try as he might, he was completely unable to chainsaw his friends' avatars into bloody gibs of cartoon flesh. What a rip!)

But after spending a few seconds taking pictures of this bad boy, I came to realize something quite profound. Not only is GEARSLAP the single greatest avatar prop on Xbox LIVE, it may turn out to be even better than the game itself!



"What's this? Blasphemy!" you ask and exclaim. "How dare you sully the name of Cliffy B with such rubbish!"

Though your alarm is understandable, I implore you to continue reading. For as you'll soon discover, I am not disrespecting Cliffy B -- not now, not ever!



In fact, to do so would be absurd.

You see, ladies and gentlemen, I am Cliffy B.



I'M CLIFFY B,
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!

Login to vote this up!

LOOK WHO CAME:


mrandydixon   
ChillyBilly   1
Alex Barbatsis   1
Kaggen   1
Corduroy Turtle   1
knutaf   1
Swishiee   1
Rob Morrow   1
Ben Davis   1
Jaded   1
Laserwank   1
mrandydixon   1
Occams   1
Clown Baby   1
TheToiletDuck   1
Alasdair Duncan   1
Rammstein   1
manasteel88   1
SteezyXL   1
Kraid   1
Uber Mashu   1
SuperMonk4Ever   1


 
 

  0 COMMENTS

Please login (or) make a quick account (free)
to view and post comments.



 Login with Twitter

 Login with Dtoid

Three day old threads are only visible to verified humans - this helps our small community management team stay on top of spam

Sorry for the extra step!

 

About mrandydixonone of us since 11:59 PM on 06.02.2009

I used to be Destructoid's community manager! Now I'm just some idiot in a pink bathrobe.

Here are some things I like to look at:


from Mikey Turvey


from Mikey Turvey


from Mikey Turvey


from Corduroy Turtle


from Zombie Platypus


from Roberto Plankton


from Thomas Truong


from BeatBeat
Xbox LIVE:Mr Andy Dixon
PSN ID:MrAndyDixon
Steam ID:Mr Andy Dixon


 

Around the Community

Featured

Posts

Blogs

Support

 



Read Huge: Top Stories

Destructoid