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Fubar Fantasy - Mini Reviews of the series that won't end.

Right, ok, never tried one of these blog things before, so here we go.

With the recent release of Final Fantasy XIII-3: Lightning Returns from her holiday to Nicaragua, and the very heated discussions on the Final Fantasy franchise, I thought I would put in my two cents on the topic of Final Fantasy games, in order of release. Bite-size reviews, if you will. Yes, the series has gone downhill. Yes, Tidus is annoying. Yes, Lightning and Cloud (Post FF7) have as much character as a Big Mac, but I will save any real comment on those topics to be reused time and time again throughout the course of this blog-post-thing. By the way, spoilers. There will be spoilers. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I: Ah, the original. The Final Fantasy that started the Never-Ending Fantasy. That game I admittedly put down because I got lost for 3 hours after the first encounter with Garland after which I didn't know what to do in any way, shape or form. I honestly can't pass a huge judgement on this one, but I didn't really like what I played of it. Can't blame it, really. It wasn't until much later that Final Fantasy really started to kick off... And peak. I'll probably pick it up again later, give it another shot.

II: Final Fantasy II was... ok. Not brilliant, not bad. I first found Firion as a character through the Dissidia Final Fantasy games, as I was born too late to play the first 6 Final Fantasy games, but I try not to be too addled by nostalgia to fanboy over anything in particular, thus I played the old Final Fantasies a while back, to try and see what the fuss was about and why FFVII wasn't the best in the series. The main thing that left a lasting impression here was Mateus. My god, you kill him, he takes over Hell. Come on that is badass.

III: If there was one Final Fantasy game I really didn't like straight off the bat, it's 3. I'm not even going to say anything about the remake (god forbid) but the idea of all of the main characters being children. I don't know why but that just makes a series about monsters and magic lose so much credibility. The most prominent villain throughout the game, Xande, is left completely lacking in backstory and you just have to take the game's word for him being evil. The final boss, the Cloud of Darkness, comes out of nowhere at all, and replaces him in Dissidia. They knew Xande was crap, they kept him out of Dissidia. While i'm on the topic, Onion Knight. My god he does my head in. Stupid name, annoying character, enough said.

IV: From the crap to the crazy. My main impressions of IV is that it is completely batshit insane. Cecil is a brilliant character, and actually has some noticeable depth. Golbez is brilliant too, but the feuding brothers is not the idea here. The idea is Golbez's plan. Collect the Dark Crystals to unlock the path to the moon. Why? We don't need to know. Also, the airship is named the Enterprise. I don't think that was a coincidence. I don't care, its hilarious. Its wacky. Its Final Fantasy IV.

V:  I'm not sure what they were smoking when they decided Exdeath's true form should be a tree, but I don't even care. Bartz (Or Butz, as he was named originally. Not being immature) is personally a horrible main character but I just don't know what it is about him, it might be that he is a little too "cookie cutter", a bit of a generic hero. Happy-go-lucky but knowing when to get serious. Just not my thing. Nice to have a chocobo as a main character though.

VI: One of the most popular Final Fantasy's, for good reason. Terra is a brilliant main character. Goes to show perfectly that fanservice isn't necessary to make a popular female protagonist. She does identity crisis without being all Cloud about it, does amnesia well, such a rare thing nowadays. Her interactions with Kefka are outstanding. With Kefka's Joker-like persona and fantastic dialogue, this is by far one of, if not the, best Final Fantasy game. It even deals with suicide! That takes stones. Dayum, Square, what happened to you?

VII: Ah, the prodigal son. The game that everyone remembers and 95% give total unconditional praise. The game with pretty damn awful dialogue for a large chunk of it. A badly explained and convoluted, if very deep and interesting, plot. The characters, oh lord the characters. The majority are ok, with only a few standing out. Vincent is basically Shadow the Hedgehog without the rivalry, he uses guns, he's emo, he's constantly in mourning about a lost love, his hair is black. He's Shadow. Cait Sith is hilarious, if confusing in what he actually does. He's a sleeper agent, but then he dies, but then there are more? And Cloud, I could write a separate blog on Cloud. In the original VII he was great. Cynical, witty, actual character. The problem lies in Square itself. I don't know what possessed them but they decided that Cloud needed to suffer chronic depression and become a giant emo. I mean I can understand that he would be depressed, and a depressed main character could work so well! The problem is they made him a male Lightning. No personality whatsoever, just broods and whines and broods and kicks the crap outta stuff with his Super Saiyan hair. Still one of my favourites though. Just don't get me started on Advent Children.

VIII: Twilight. That seems to be the angle they were pitching for here. Teen romance between characters that don't fit at all. Squall has little to no personality, and at this point I was worried that everything was going south for square at this point. I was only a few games wrong, points for trying. The other characters are fine, no problem, it's just Squall. I do like that they tried something a bit different with the gameplay though, that was cool.

IX: IX was brilliant. It does require that you have played the other Final Fantasy games for you to appreciate it, but if you do it is fantastic. Vivi is an amazing character, and one of my favourite Final Fantasy characters of all time. Zidane is a nice change of pace from the previous two brooding lone-wolf type characters. Having a womanizer as the main protagonist is quite funny, and this game more than makes up for the flaws in the previous games.

X: Again, could do a whole blog on my thoughts of this one. I didn't hate it as much as everyone else, Tidus was annoying as all hell, but I just focused on the amazing badass that is Auron and everything turned out OK. I tried to like Tidus, he was another happy hero that wasn't a bland, generic template but no, the laughter. Oh, god, the laughter. No. No. Make it stop. MAKE IT STOP! Jokes and forced laughter aside, I really didn't mind X. The sphere grid was a great levelling system, the Aeons were memorable, and my guilty pleasure of the Final Fantasy series had to be Blitzball, though I can't put my finger on why that was so addictive.

XI: Didn't play it, don't know.

XII: I liked XII. Not as much as others, but I liked it. I used Basch over anyone else wherever possible, and avoided Vaan like the plague, but the new idea on gameplay was kind of refreshing. I didn't like that they removed the victory fanfare because of it, though. Generally, I like the world of Ivalice a lot, and XII fits in nicely. The license system can fuck right off though.

XIII: Here we are, XIII. Home of some of the worst characters ever. In total I liked 2 characters. That's it. Sazh and Fang. Sazh was my favourite, he was the voice of logic, and actually had some depth, he was even funny. Fang is just a badass and I like that in characters. Problem is with her that most of her scenes are with Vanille. Yeah. I'll get to her. Hope is just doomed to grow up into Cloud, not as depressing but some of his scenes, especially when he is with lightning. Lightning is Lightning, no personality besides being Angry or Serious. Two settings. Vanille has a voice that makes me want to put an industrial piledriver through my earlobes and a personality to match. The gameplay consisted solely of running through linear hallways and mashing auto-battle. It was, however, astonishingly pretty. But that is it.

I hope you enjoyed my very amateurish reviews of the main games, please don't rage at me if I didn't like what you read here, opinions wise. Kaiza out, I am probably about to be lynched for saying I didn't mind Final Fantasy X. Bye!
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About Kaiza Uraione of us since 4:01 AM on 02.18.2014

I'm a nerd. I'm an otaku. A PC Gamer. A Console Gamer. A fighter. A strategist. Call me what you will. The only thing you cannot call me, is sane.

Besides that I run a Youtube channel which sadly is in indefinite hiatus due to internet speed issues which would require me to dedicate about a week to uploading each video in reasonable quality. This, in time, will be sorted out. Hopefully.