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JoyfulSanity
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LONG BLOG

Top 10 Sexiest Dtoiders

   0

If you asked me to fill out a list of ten reasons why I come to Destructoid, numbers one through nine would probably be a picture of Marlon Brando riding a polar bear which is wearing a jetpack made of shotguns. But at number ten, I'd probably write "mad sex appeal yo" in very tiny letters.

Destructoid may like to keep Quiet about the sheer attractiveness of its staff and regulars, but I'm here to balance the scale by showcasing some of the community's finest eye candy. Since I'm a 100% objective journalist, you can rest easy knowing that the following opinions stick strictly to the facts. Break out the smooth jams and get ready to be seduced.


10: Jonathan Holmes

Jonathan Holmes made videogame history with his breakout appearance in Wario Ware Dance Dance Man (see above) by showing that men in gaming can be sexy without being sexualized. Although his videogame appearances since then have been mild, he more than makes up for it by occasionally stripping inside peoples' mouths. It is said that women can't resist talking to him about videogames.


9: Benny Disco

Benny Disco is a frog. In fact, some might go as far as to say that he's an amazing frog. And as you may know, frogs turn into handsome princes after being kissed by princesses. In other words, if you even try to argue that Benny Disco isn't sexy, you're objectively wrong, so suck on that.

Having said that, considering that Benny Disco is still a frog, he is both handsome and available. Singles, where you at?


8: Hamza Aziz

No description available. Or possible.


7: ShadeOfLight

Dark. Menacing. Mysterious. Could potentially kill me on contact. There are all phrases that might go through one's head when gazing upon ShadeOfLight. But once you break through his rugged exterior, you will be surprised to find that he enjoys cute Nintendo games and Eevees. More like TsundereOfLight, mirite? (That was funny because it rhymed)


6.5: Chris Carter

Chris Carter is Destructoid's irresistible bad boy. He doesn't care what the other critics think; he'll give games low scores just to fight the system, man. I mean, just look at these controversial review scores. Clickbait? More like CHRISbait, because we all know the real reason people keep coming back to comment on his reviews. And that is because he's sexy. And bad. Those were the things I assumed you would have guessed.


5: JoyfulSanity

I swear I don't know how this got here.


4: Mr. Andy Dixon

What can one say about Mr. Andy Dixon? Well, first of all, he's got Mr. in his name, which implies that he's a grown man, and grown-ups are sexy. Also, Dixon could be shortened to Dix, which sounds like Dicks, which is code for penis. And... umm... something about a bathrobe? I don't know, all I know is that this guy is definitely sexy, and his place on this list has nothing to do with me trying to win favor with the Community Director. 


3: Script

Whoa. Whoa. 18+ warning up in here guys. Look at Script, just standing on a pedestal, flaunting his body shamelessly for all to see. His figure is so in-your-face that you might not notice his subtle curves or his seductive smile, which are all vital details when considering why he is Destructoid's third sexiest member. I'd recommend approaching Script with a canvas and paintbrush, because you will undoubtedly want to make art when in his presence.


2: Dale North

Dale North is an actual dog that works for Destructoid. At least, I think he is, since all his articles contain photos of him and the other dogs he interviews for exclusive videogame coverage. Dale North manages to play and review jRPGs despite lacking opposable thumbs, and that is the very definition of sexy. Actually, that doesn't sound right at all. What is this a top ten list of again?

--

... Okay, so, I need to figure out a number one spot that won't cause controversy and will still be satisfying to everyone who reads it. Umm... 

... well... okay I got it!


1: Everyone Else

That's right, if your name hasn't been mentioned so far, that is because you are tied for the dubious honor of being the sexiest member of Destructoid! There is just so much sexiness and so little time to bask in it all, so just know that, if you're reading this, then you are undoubtedly among the elite in sexiness and you should be proud of yourself.

"But wait JoyfulSanity, if everyone else constitutes Destructoid's sexiest members, wouldn't that make the previous entries on the list the least sexy Dtoiders?"

Excellent question, and my response is... well...

...

SHIT.
Login to vote this up!

LOOK WHO CAME:


JoyfulSanity   
Hamza CTZ Aziz   1
Zombie Orwell   1
Scrustle   1
youngreezy   1
JawshButturBawls   1
Pixie The Fairy   1
Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon   1
Frigorifero   1
Agidyne64   1
Benny Disco   1
ooktar   1
RenaudB90   1
AboveUp   1
Captain of the Zanarkand Abes   1
pk fire   1
Tom Davies   1
smurfee mcgee   1
Jonathan Holmes   1
Elsa   1
Occams   1
mrandydixon   1
Everyday Legend   1
Retrofraction   1
Script   1
Nic Rowen   1
ShadeOfLight   1
GoofierBrute   1
BrowneyeWinkin   1


 
 

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About JoyfulSanityone of us since 5:05 PM on 07.09.2012

I'm a guy who likes to write about videogames. Sometimes in funny ways and sometimes in artsy ways. You'll just have to read my blogs to find out the difference between the two!

I'm in my mid 20s, I'm from the United States, and this is currently the most productive thing I'm doing with my B.A. in English. I also tend to write really long comments in response to people that start to read like mini-blogs. I apologize in advance for the walls of text.

Also, I like to have fun. I write about controversies sometimes because I get compelled, but I much prefer using caps lock to convey my love for quality RPGs.

If you like my content on Destructoid, you can find even more of it by going to my website!

www.joyfulsanity.com

I'm currently playing the following:
The Elder Scrolls Online
The Infinite List of Kemco RPGs
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
Ys (Any and all of them)
Final Fantasy XIV

I've been featured on the front page! Check it out!

The Ys Buyers Guide
Keep it classy: Red Mage searching for an identity
I Love Final Fantasy: All The Bravest
Videogames don't let me think about the awful things I do in them
My fondest videogame memories involve breaking them



My blogs are like my childrens and I love them all. Having said that...

The following are my personal favorite blogs among what I've written here:

Why I Love Your Blog
A 100% Objective Review of the Ys Series
Sexualized is a lazy term
Klonoa 2 is awesome and you should play it
Boobs

If you want to get in touch with me, send me a message here:

[email protected]
 



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