It feels sort of weird coming back here...I have a complicated history with Destructoid. Mostly good. But I wasn't always well behaved, that's for sure.
I left around two years ago I guess. I was on staff, never consistently contributing, but I am proud of some of the things I produced. I never felt in my element doing some things, writing reviews and whatnot. I am more of an off the cuff kind of guy. The things I enjoyed writing the most were stream of consciousness rants of one kind or another - I don't think I'm funny, but I like to try.
But I had to quit for health reasons. And the last year of my life was a kind of perpetual hell. When I left, I had stomach pain and other related GI issues. And they continued to go diagnosed long after. Things got significantly worse late last year and before I knew it, I was getting tubes in just about every hole to figure out what was wrong.
Luckier than most, it turns out I just had some bad deficiencies and Celiac disease. Makes sense - runs in my family. I was anemic, had low B12, and they figure this was probably contributing to my borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety - things that plagued my time here. I should have known what was up when I could be a best friend and lash out the next second, or how I changed my political views like I changed my underwear. That is too say, at least monthly. Gotta keep good hygiene on the forefront, after all.
It has been a year, and I am in the healing process. I don't feel the same as I used too. I have some things that will never go away. I went through extensive psychotherapy. I have been through a gamut of meds. It's likely there is something else going on still - auto-immune disease often comes in pairs - but it took my whole life to get this first diagnosis. So the constant indigestion, lightheadedness, fatigue, and other issues - yeah, I just had to learn to live with them.
My relationship with video games has changed too. I am doing some Marie Kondo shit, kinda? I collect only games I am nostalgic towards. It's something that works for me. My shelf is all games I enjoyed when I was a kid, from NES to PS1, etc. I have been making friends even in COVID and do so through tabletop gaming. I have needed that interaction. When I was here, I was nearly friendless because I could alienate people so easily. The staff here can attest to that. And for that I am sorry.
It's a PSA in a way - if you are depressed, or down, I'm telling you - don't just accept meds. Don't just accept and do therapy. These are important for sure, but in my case, a lot of my mental issues stemmed from physical ones. I feel far more balanced now than I have my whole life. I may never heal fully, but I am a far sight better than I was last year.
So I just wanted to pop in and say "hey Destructoid!
I hope everyone is doing well these days.