Hey folks, I'll keep this brief. I'm delighted to say, effective immediately, my role as your favorite writer here at Destructoid is coming to an end. It may not come as a huge surprise, as I've kind of been building to this for a while, but I'm going to Kotaku.
Both Polygon and Kotaku have made me offers, but Polygon just couldn't afford this queen bee. Funnily enough, I didn't even apply, they both came to me stating they have had overwhelming recommendations for me. Plus the resident beard at Kotaku Mike Fahey just shaved his off, so they needed a new beard stat! Luckily I was here to deliver the much-needed goods.
I want to make it explicitly clear since basement teens like to wildly speculate; I'm absolutely leaving because I love money. I've just reached a new stage in my life where I want to have tons of cash stuffed in all my pockets and be able to afford the top of the line illegal substances instead of just getting second hand high by being near the Vice guys at E3.
From now on you can check out all my work over at Kotaku.
--Happy April Fools' Day everyone! You're stuck with me. Thanks to Bill Zoeker for multiple lines I've plagiarized of his.