I'll cut straight to the chase and say it: Pokemon X/Y is more shallow than a 16 year old girl's self-esteem. Now some of you may have gasped at that sentence while arguing, "How the hell is it shallow?! X/Y has so much to offer!" Fine, let me level with everyone for a sec.
Yes, it's in 3D *coughpokemonstadiumcough*.
Yes, there's a new continent to explore.
Yes, there are new gym leaders to crush.
Yes, there are new mechanics.
And yes, they added a few new Pokemon to the roster.
Oh and did I forget to mention the dark storyline? Well shit, put all of that together and you got yourself a promising Gen VI right?
And then you beat it.
Now what? Battle Maison? More like Broken Maison. Trade online? You better have a legendary for that. Fill your Dex? Pokebank solved that problem. The post game is almost non-existent; and don't even mention Looker's stupid ass side quest. Seriously, it's that bad. Whatever happened to having rich post game content? This has been a topic that some (including myself) have briefly mentioned on Pokemon related articles on Destructoid lately now that Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire have been slated for release this fall. Don't get me wrong, X/Y are good games for what they are, but they could have been SO much better. How so? By offering more post game content; and that's what I'm truly hoping for with OR/AS. If Gen III could offer more content than Gen VI did, then OR/AS better be fatter than an Atlanta stripper's ass. To better understand the sheer amount of content Gen III had for its time, let's jump back 11 years ago when Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire came out.
Holy balls, it's 2003! Outkast was the musical king! iTunes was born! Bubb Rubb made the whistles go WOOOOOO! But who gives a flying fish about that, Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire just came out! Brand new Pokemon! New lands to explore! Build your own secret hideout! Weather mechanics! Flannery! New moves! New gym leaders! Flannery! Badass legendary Pokemon! Flannery! Holy Miltank, Batman: this game has a lot to offer!
For starters, the Hoenn region was a very diverse and expansive environment despite being 60% water. Sure there was a lot of surfing to do, but there were deserts, volcanic areas, actual underwater segments (I'm looking at you B/W 2), forests, tropical villages, Sootopolis City (Coolest. City. Ever.), and the Pokemon League was its own fucking island. Not to mention the plethora of secret hideouts you could make if one of your Pokemon knew Secret Power. And if you went to the secret Pokemart Roof Sale at Lilycove City, you could buy boards to cover up those stupid holes! Moving to new areas and creating new hideouts were a lot of fun to do in post game. How about Sky Pillar, where the third legendary Pokemon is secretly located? You better master your mach bike skills to have a prayer of reaching the top; not to mention surviving by the skin of your Bonslys against Rayquaza. Diverse environment? Check.
Okay, what about hunting legendary Pokemon? Well Gen III has you covered there too. Let's go ahead and start with the coolest legendary of all time.
LOOK AT THAT MAJESTIC SON OF A BITCH! As you can see, Kyogre (the Sea Basin Pokemon), is based off an Orca. Orcas are cool as fuck. Not only can this denizen of the deep summon an endless rainstorm and raise sea levels to unimaginable heights, it looks cool doing it. Okay, so maybe water isn't your thing. There's always Groudon, but Kyogre is cooler so let's stop talking about a dry dinosaur. But what about the legendary trio? Let's just say they're hard. Real hard. They're so hard they make Bruce Willis die soft. Eh, you're still shaking your head aren't you. Well let me ask you a question: What happens when Regis Philbin has a menage with a boulder, a block of ice, and a steel ingot? You get three legendary Pokemon that are so hard that I get hard just thinking about it. Regirock, Regice, and Registeel. And they're all hidden away in what is the most cryptic fashion in Pokemon history. But wait, there's more! We forgot to mention three more legendary Pokemon (and they're OP as fuck): Latios, Latias, and Deoxys. Latios and Latias are both extremely fast Dragon/Psychic Pokemon that love to run away......a lot. Deoxys is the (tentacle rape monster) alien virus Pokemon that can change into three different forms: Attack, Defense, and Speed. Don't forget that the last three I mentioned could only be attained by attending special Nintendo events. Well I'll be! A video game forcing you to get out and attend social events unlike X/Y; which encourages hermitism (I just made up an new word, bitches like new words). Badass legendary Pokemon? Check.
Well what about the normal Pokemon? Well don't you worry mi amigo, because GameFreak 03' just decided to cram 135 new Pokemon in your pants! I'm no calculus professor but that's a lot of Pokemon to catch. Let's look at Gen VI since, you know, technology has advanced 11 fucking years and we get.........70. *sigh* Massive amount of new Pokemon? Check.
Alright, but what about battling? Two words: Battle Frontier. That's right, I said frontier. A mansion? Bitch please. Broken Maison wishes it was half as awesome. So what is Battle Frontier? It's a giant island with seven different battle arenas. SEVEN.
Count those buildings you Bidoof. Did you get seven? Good. No? Go stuff your face with carrots. Why are there seven different arenas? Well for seven different approaches to battling of course! Allow me to break them down piece by piece.
The Battle Tower is the most basic of the seven. It's basically like Broken Maison except......not broken.
The Battle Palace is where Pokemon battle on their own without any commands from their trainers. Your Pokemon battle according to their nature, which can fluctuate depending on the damage they're taking. Also the moves your Pokemon use will be completely different depending on their nature too. Pretty balls to the wall eh?
The Battle Factory is basically the Battle Tent in Slateport City, except much harder.
The Battle Pyramid is absolutely insane. It's basically a 7-floor pitch black dungeon, but here's the kicker: you can't bring any items into the building, you can only use the items that you find inside, and the floor only lights up by defeating opponents. Oh yeah, there's also wild Pokemon waiting to chomp on your Bonslys.
Ah, the Battle Dome. It's a massive 16-trainer tournament with a slight twist: Before each battle, you can see what Pokemon your opponents are using, their fighting style, and how they train. You can also find who got their ass kicked by checking the bracket. Pretty nifty. All it needs is Randy Savage as a commentator, but he's dead. Bummer.
You know, with the layout of this place, you seriously would've thought they'd name it The Battle Dojo. On to more important things, this lovely place showcases team based battles (2v2) with judges scoring on how well you perform in three categories: Mind, Skill, and Body. Yeah, they just went Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles philosophy on your ass. So it's basically 2v2 for three rounds, and if both Pokemon last all three, you get rated based on those three aspects. The higher score wins. If there's a tie, the judge says you both suck and kicks both trainers out. If you knock your opponent's ass out via TKO, it's an automatic win. Pretty badass. Makes me want to watch Bloodsport.
Last but not least, the Battle Pike. It's a pretty weird arena in that the layout is confusing. There are 21 rooms via seven sets of three. I'm no herpetologist but I'm pretty sure a snake's insides aren't that roomy. Anyway, it's basically an "event" arena in that whatever set you choose to walk through, any of these eight events will happen: single battle, double battle, single battle + healing, wild Pokemon, no event, status effect, 1 or 2 recovery, and full recovery. Phew! That's a pretty crazy ride. I only have one question though: Since you entered through the mouth, if you win, do you exit though the bu.....actually, never mind. I don't want to know.
That wraps it up for battling. Broken Maison really sucks now right? Told ya. Here's the best part: you will never have to face broken AI like a Walrein with 100% accurate Sheer Cold. So not only do you get to battle tough trainers, but also in seven different fun and exciting formats! And it's all in one place! You can't beat that value! Battling variety? Check.
Alrighty then, time to jump back to our present era.
Holy Shroomish, I just covered a whole lot of ground back there. Let's do a quick recap on why Gen III had so much more content than Gen VI.
Diverse environment, check.
Badass legendary Pokemon, check.
Massive amount of new Pokemon, check.
Battling variety, check.
Flannery, check check check.
I just gave you five damned good reasons. Quit your bitchin. Now that Gen III is getting the modern treatment, I seriously hope that OR/AS will be just as robust as it once was 11 years ago. When you look at what X/Y has for regular and post game content in comparison to R/S/E, it's sad. You'd think X/Y would just bust the doors down and smack you in the face with the all the hype it had. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed X/Y for what it was, but it could've been so much more.
And that's why hindsight is always 20/20.
See you Space Cowboy.
Gen III Music: YEA BUT DEM TRUMPETS DOE!