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LONG BLOG

Bad Die Job: A Darious Pickman Story (Part 2 of 5)

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*This is part two of my entry in Conrad Zimmerman's Dreamcast Giveaway Contest (link here). **UPDATE: I won!** Part one can be found here. I will be releasing one part a day between now and July 7th, when the contest ends. Enjoy.*



It didn't take a lot of legwork to find out where this Mario character does his business. He owns a little plumbing shop in one of the scarier parts of the city. A guy at the local pub told me that he lives upstairs in the same building. The place was all locked up when I arrived. A note on the door said that he was on vacation and wouldn't be back until the following week. Think of all the poor faucets that would continue to leak until then.

I went around back and found an unlocked window. I figured I would just let myself in. I was sure that he wouldn't mind if I took a look around. He did seem like such a nice fella. There wasn't anything interesting in the shop, so I went upstairs and rummaged through his personal affects. The girl was right. He was sweet on her alright. He had pictures of her everywhere. Practically wallpapered an entire wall with candid snapshots of her. This guy had some kind of problem.

I didn't get much of an idea of where to find him, except for the obvious one. If I wanted to have a talk with him, I just needed to foolow her. He wouldn't be too far behind with that camera of his. I left the way I came, and went to a nearby diner. After rummaging around the plumber's place, I had an overwhelming urge to wash my hands. I also needed a payphone to give Peach a call to arrange a meeting.

After cleaning myself up in the men's room, I dialed her number.

"Hello?" she answered, sounding as sexy as they come.

"It's Pickman. I've been to his place. You're right. He certainly has a problem."

"Did you talk to him?" She sounded startled. Very worried.

"Not yet. He wasn't there. But I've got an idea of where I can find him. How about we meet up at my place in the morning?"

"Are you ever awake before noon?" she barbed. I let it drift.

"Ten a.m., tomorrow morning at my office." I hung up.

I left the dive and started heading back home. It was late. I was tired. It was when I took a shortcut through an alley that I realized I was being followed. From the sounds of the footsteps, I could tell he was a larger than your average guy. Assuming that your average guy was the size of a MAC truck. He sure wasn't doing a good job of keeping incognito.

But I was being had from the start. As soon as I turned around to confront the giant, a tiny man jumped down on me from a fire escape directly overhead. He knocked me unconscious instantly.

Walking down a dark alley at night. I've had better ideas.


Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
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About Haxanone of us since 11:13 AM on 10.23.2007


Occasional contributer to Tomopop.com.

Random gaming facts about Haxan

Legitimately beat Mike Tyson and went through Another World Circuit undefeated.

Beat the original Contra without dying. Twice.

Can land the damn plane in Top Gun and can also refuel in midair.

Can't beat Ghost & Goblins without the level select code and has never lied about it.

Thinks Friday the 13th is a great game even if the physics, controls and weapons are garbage.

Mario Paint caused him to buy a Super Nintendo and largely leave his Sega Genesis behind. He has played it more than most video games and wore down the mouse pad so that the grid only shows around the corners.

Has beaten Street Fighter II: The World Warrior and Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers on the SNES on the hardest difficulty without losing a single round. Multiple times.

Is still friends with the girl who worked at a local game store and sold him Street Fighter II nearly 17 years ago.

Beat Final Fantasy 2 in a weekend when he was a kid, yet can't get through a role-playing game these days if his life depended on it.

Has never beaten Final Fantasy VII.

Prefers pads to sticks.

Likes the N64 controller.

Prefers the Duke to the S-controller.

Doesn't think that Super Mario 64 is all that great.

Got an Xbox mostly for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. And thinks it's a damn good game. Really.

Swore he would never buy a Game Boy Advanced SP, but immediately broke down once the NES edition came out. (And regarding the NES Classics series, true in-store dialogue: "Dude, are you serious?! They seriously expect people to pay 20 dollars a piece for games they can just downlo...Ooh! Zelda!")

Really liked the first Halo. (Well, there goes my dtoid cred.)

Can rock out Dynamite Rave in Dance Dance Revolution like it's nobody's business.

Played the hell out of Animal Crossing: Wild World and hid that fact from nobody.

Stomped Brad Nicholson at Street Fighter IV, but had to resort to the cheapest of tactics in order to do so. ;)

Thinks you're really, really, really smart. And pretty.

Top ten favorite games (in no particular order):

•The Legend of Zelda (NES)
•Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
•The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
•Phantom 2040 (SNES)
•Street Fighter II (any version)
•Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)
•Final Fantasy 3/6 (SNES)
•Ico (PS2)
•Sin and Punishment (N64)
•Picross (DS)



(NVGR)

I love drawing, though I realize that I'm not very good. I figured early on that drawing my own header art would help my blogs stand out. Thanks to Destructoid, and to the scanner that Carollelogram got me for my birthday last year, I feel like I've developed a unique style that's distinctly my own.

Outside of games I've got a DVD collection that is exploding out of a 5'x6' shelf (over 400 titles). So suffice it to say that I love movies. I'm a huge horror fan and I host an annual Dusk Till Dawn Horror Movie Marathon nearly every October. My top ten favorite films in order are as follows:

1. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cativo, 1966)
2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
3. Seven Samurai (Shichinin no Samurai, 1954)
4. The City of Lost Children (La Citι des enfants perdus, 1995)
5. The Apartment (1960)
6. Strings (2004)
7. Heavenly Creatures (1994)
8. The Big Lebowski (1998)
9. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Music-wise, my top 3 bands are The Pixies, The Velvet Underground and Radiohead. I listen to damn near every genre of music (except modern country. I yearn for the days of Hank Williams, Sr. and Tammy Wynette). Hit random on my mp3 player and you'll get everything from darkwave to hip hop to 80's synthpop. I karaoke pretty regularly. I can't sing, but I surround myself with people who can. Still, you've not experienced all there is in life until you've seen me proper butcher True by Spandau Ballet.

Then, as for the literary interests, my love lies with pulp detective novels of the thirties and forties. Raymond Chandler is simply the greatest ever. And Dashiell Hammett is just fantastic. Lately, I've been reading through Frank Herbert's Dune Chronicles at Carollelogram's recommendation. Two books in and I have to say they're astonishing.

If you do the Twitter thing, Haxan1 is my handle should you want to follow me.

Feel free to friend me to your console of choice should you ever want to play a game of Street Fighter. Just be sure to let me know that you're from Destructoid and you'll get the royal treatment.



Blogs I writed:


Reviews
•Virtual Console Review- The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
•Review- Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop

Front Page
•Other Worlds Than These: The citizens of the land of Termina
•Community spotlight: Haxan goes above and beyond for the community

Monthly Musings
•Instant Replay: Street Fighter II
•The Start of the Affair: Solomon's Key

Editorials and assorted articles
•Does the Wii have RROD-type issues of its own?
•Okay, Nintendo. I guess that we can be friends again.
•Niero, do you have any idea what in the lobster milkshake you have done?! (dtoid 3rd anniversary post)
•10 things you might not have known about Haxan (but really only 8)
•Why Destructoid is awesome: Nilcam is the greatest edition (I honestly can't give Nilcam enough props for this.)
•Christmas shopping: Non-gaming, priest dad-style
•Bad Dye Job: A Darius Pickman Story
•"Congraturation" RetroforceGO!
•Nintendon't what?! Now you tell me just what the %#@$ Nintendon't do!

Neat stuff I played a bit part in
•The Destructoid children's alphabet book

https://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/visit/profiles/Haxan




Xbox LIVE:haxan1
PSN ID:Haxan
Mii code:8490 3559 2301 7665


 

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