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LONG BLOG

Let's Give TNA iMPACT for iOS a Try

   0


I'm having a very bored hungover Saturday so thought I would give you some unedited thoughts AS THEY HAPPEN of TNA iMPACT. The original TNA for iOS was a weird 2D turn-based wrestling game which I kind of enjoyed. It was a fun diversion, but the key was that they made a game that suited the controls and medium it was on. Now Namco Bandai have produced an all action game similar to console wrestling games. So let's get started.

Career mode, oooo. Lets start an X-Division career. Create a wrestler to go through the ranks. Amazingly basic. Not sure what type of finisher the DW4 is, but I have it. I also have a massive TWO (2) grapple moves and I picked high-flyer style.

So first thing. I'm in the ring with Hogan who speaks nothing like Hogan in the text bar saying "brother" a lot. Hogan has announced there will be an 8 man tournament for a shot at Doug Williams X-Division championship. HOT STUFF. Backstage with Bischoff. "I'm sure you heard Hulk's announcement". Why yes I did, I was in the ring with him at the time. He has good news though, I'll be facing The Pope in the first round. Standing there in my wrestling gear, but I should probably "go get ready".



Couldn't set an entrance, but I came out pointing at the crowd with some nice looking pyro. The Pope comes out with proper music and money raining entrance. Wow, someone at Namco actually did some research! Let's play a match... Wow, the fact I have to mash buttons to get up after I performed a successful move is a joke. It's so jerky and slow paced, it's a good 5 seconds to climb the turnbuckle and turn around. SUCH A HIGH-FLYER. Honestly the worst match engine of all time. I won the match somehow with what looked like a taunt, think Triple H's post water spit pose on the apron to be precise.

Tenay and Tazz hype up Turning Point and say my match with RVD is a semi-final match. I contemplated playing further, but RVD's music (R V D... THE WHOLE F'N SHOW and loop) took me over the edge with it's awfulness.

HASNEY'S SCORE:

10/10 as a TNA game. It is faithful to it's source product as in it is a total trainwreck. 1/10 as an entertaining product.

That was kind of an abortion. I honestly don't believe I have ever started and quit a game in such record time. I want to be sick thinking about the 15 minutes I lost to that. I would recommend burning your retinas out before playing this game or even trapping your nuts in a vice.

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About Hasneyone of us since 4:34 PM on 10.13.2009

I will curse your company. From loving Atari, to Commodore right through to Sega, my love will ensure your favorite company will die.

Sorry about that.
Xbox LIVE:Hasney
Steam ID:hurricane_hasney


 

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