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LONG BLOG

The NPC survival guide.

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If you ever find yourself in a game, this comprehensive guide will show you how to not die a horrible, horrible death. For those of you that donít know (shame on you) NPCs are Non Playable Characters, the extras of the gaming world.

Weíve all played games and thought how much fun it would be to be a protagonist, but have you ever wondered just how bloodcurdlingly terrifying it would be to be an NPC. Death awaits you around every corner, main characters, villains, bosses...... all of them want you dead. But worry no more, because with this extensive guide, you sir or madam can avoid a horrific painful demise.

Tip #1 Ė Avoid New York at all costs.

New York, Liberty City, Empire City, umm.... Metro town, whatever they call it you must never go there. If you already live there follow this advice carefully. Get in your car and drive. Donít pack any belongings..... you wonít need them where youíre going. Donít stop driving for anything, not for red lights, not for electric men, and not for people with pointy arms. And above all else..... avoid eastern European men in tracksuits.


I know your rolling your eyes but trust me..... theyíre life savers.

And there you have it, your key to survival. Make them your bible, your code, your creed and thereís a chance you might live for more than five minutes.So..... any more advice? Did I miss anything? What would you do to survive the NPC life? Let me know in the comments.
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About Handyone of us since 1:44 PM on 09.14.2009

Welcome to the blog.... you must be bored. anyway im Handy, I'm a student in Ireland and I'm here to talk about whatever may come into my mind....so not much then.

Lets see... Iíve been playing games pretty much my whole life, since my Commodore back in the day to my ps3 now Iíve been hooked. Actually come to think of it I canít remember a time I wasnít playing games. Canít say I have a favourite genre, I like to try a bit of everything, though I will go to town on a good RPG. Iíll have something to fill in this space as soon as my life becomes interesting.

^^^ Seriously, I wrote that like four years ago and still nothing interesting has happened.



Like everyone else on Destructoid Iím at a loss on what to fill this space with so I guess Iíll just catalogue my greatest hits, if you can call a loose collection of lists and borderline pornographic fanart ďgreatest hitsĒ.



Listmania Ė Because liking something isnít as important as liking it in the correct order.

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs: Part two

Gamings Greatest Slinky Invisible Women with Huge Asses

E3 Approaches: The E3 survival guide!

Something about E3: 34 things youíll have to hear soon

Lost? Lonely? Looking for Love?

Gamingís worst legal guardians

Gaming DIY

Valentineís Day, Shmalentineís.....Shmay

Get a new look at the Gaming Salon!

Hatesgiving

The NPC survival guide

Game lessons that donít work in real life



Fanart Flops Ė Because you must suffer.

Fanart Flops: Back by (Un)Popular Demand

Fanart Flops: Eyebleach, I Choose You Edition

Fanart Flops: Octopus Hojo Edition

Fanart Flops: Stop Raping My Childhood Edition

Fanart Flops. (Possibly NSFW)



Wankery Ė The terrible results of when I pretend Iím smart.

Dear Industry: I Am Not a Psychopath

Final Fantasy Versus Itself

Only Human


The culture Gap



Sargasm Ė Because Iím kind of a dick.

Darksiders 2 in a nutshell

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

How Dare You, Capcom

Death to Red Shepard!

How to make a sequel

Why FFXIII is the worst one EVAR!

The Scandalous Scam of Samit Sarkar!

In the name of SCIENCE!!!




Front page Ė When Destructoid has terrible lapses in judgement.


Top 12 Videogame porno parodies (NSFW)

Handyís X-mas X-travaganza begins now!

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs

Comments of the Week: Busst Stop

Comments of the week: George Michael Warfare 3



Donít forget Comments of the Week

Comments of the Week: Tinfoil Hat Edition







Just because.
PSN ID:Handy2


 

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