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LONG BLOG

Gaming’s worst legal guardians.

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Legal guardians in games are a funny thing, they usually come in one of two varieties – #1 they’re dead or #2 they’re complete dicks.......my list of gaming’s deadest parents was kind of depressing so I did this instead. You might be wondering why this is about legal guardians instead of just parents, well most video game parents end up as the first variety (probably so the main character can go seeking revenge) or their revealed as a “surprise” boss, so many game characters end up raising themselves, going into foster care, or never talking about their past.

Just think about it, how many NCP children have you orphaned in your time? Sure they were hired tugs, brutal murderers, or non-specific Middle Eastern terrorists but some of them were bound to have kids. It all leads me to believe that Videogameland is a place where everybody is getting laid, but they’re too busy being mercenaries or racist stereotypes to take responsibility for their children, leading to a constant turnover of life and death where many children are left to fend for themselves. But all things considered they’re the lucky ones compared to the kids who are raised by their parents, next of kin, or legal guardians.


Jecht.


We don’t know what they look like so here’s more Dojima!

What the hell guys!? It’s been a year and you haven’t given your son so much as a phone call! What the fuck are you Japanese spies or something!? It’s bad enough that you send him from town to town on a regular basis, never letting him make many friends for long, but now you’re gonna stick him with his uncle who can’t take care of himself without the help of a six year old!? Actually, I think they died within the first week of the game but Dojima thought that with going to a new school and the murders in town and everything else going on he should probably hold off on breaking the news just yet.......then maybe he got drunk and forgot or something, which just further solidifies his place on this list!
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About Handyone of us since 1:44 PM on 09.14.2009

Welcome to the blog.... you must be bored. anyway im Handy, I'm a student in Ireland and I'm here to talk about whatever may come into my mind....so not much then.

Lets see... I’ve been playing games pretty much my whole life, since my Commodore back in the day to my ps3 now I’ve been hooked. Actually come to think of it I can’t remember a time I wasn’t playing games. Can’t say I have a favourite genre, I like to try a bit of everything, though I will go to town on a good RPG. I’ll have something to fill in this space as soon as my life becomes interesting.

^^^ Seriously, I wrote that like four years ago and still nothing interesting has happened.



Like everyone else on Destructoid I’m at a loss on what to fill this space with so I guess I’ll just catalogue my greatest hits, if you can call a loose collection of lists and borderline pornographic fanart “greatest hits”.



Listmania – Because liking something isn’t as important as liking it in the correct order.

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs: Part two

Gamings Greatest Slinky Invisible Women with Huge Asses

E3 Approaches: The E3 survival guide!

Something about E3: 34 things you’ll have to hear soon

Lost? Lonely? Looking for Love?

Gaming’s worst legal guardians

Gaming DIY

Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s.....Shmay

Get a new look at the Gaming Salon!

Hatesgiving

The NPC survival guide

Game lessons that don’t work in real life



Fanart Flops – Because you must suffer.

Fanart Flops: Back by (Un)Popular Demand

Fanart Flops: Eyebleach, I Choose You Edition

Fanart Flops: Octopus Hojo Edition

Fanart Flops: Stop Raping My Childhood Edition

Fanart Flops. (Possibly NSFW)



Wankery – The terrible results of when I pretend I’m smart.

Dear Industry: I Am Not a Psychopath

Final Fantasy Versus Itself

Only Human


The culture Gap



Sargasm – Because I’m kind of a dick.

Darksiders 2 in a nutshell

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

How Dare You, Capcom

Death to Red Shepard!

How to make a sequel

Why FFXIII is the worst one EVAR!

The Scandalous Scam of Samit Sarkar!

In the name of SCIENCE!!!




Front page – When Destructoid has terrible lapses in judgement.


Top 12 Videogame porno parodies (NSFW)

Handy’s X-mas X-travaganza begins now!

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs

Comments of the Week: Busst Stop

Comments of the week: George Michael Warfare 3



Don’t forget Comments of the Week

Comments of the Week: Tinfoil Hat Edition







Just because.
PSN ID:Handy2


 

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