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HandsomeBeast
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Sorcerer 4 Lyfe

I don’t know at exactly what point I realized that investing all my level ups on Intelligence was a bad idea in the game of Dark Souls. Maybe it was in the middle of the incredibly long animation required for using a Soul Arrow, or maybe it...

 
 
 
 

Bioshock? More Like Bio-suck!

”This game is overrated. The 1950’s were stupid, just like this game. There’s not even a multi-player mode! Never before have I had the misfortune of playing such a repugnant game,” is what I would’ve said if I was in bizarro world! Sorry...

 
 
 
 
 
 

How Do I Sports?

When you finally cave in and buy a brand spankin' new console late into its lifespan, it's hard to pick what game to begin your collection with. If you're anything like me, though, you'll cave under the ambivalence and just end up getting s...

 
 
 
 

Love, I Don't Get Enough of it

Video games are a cruel mistress. I recently got a hefty stipend of money, so I spent most of it on video games. Never before have I juggled so many addictions at once. I will admit it's easy for a guy like me with no friends or personality...

 
 
 
 

About HandsomeBeastone of us since 6:44 PM on 07.14.2010

I can't resist an oppurtunity to write about myself. I'm a fungi and I don't like to party. I prefer a cool damp place to chill in cuz I'm cool and damp. You can find me just vegetating in my house which is actually my parents' house. Having no income other than government reparation checks, I figured crashing with my old man and old lady will help alleviate the pressures of their life as they near twilight. I never get out and I don't plan on doing so in the near future. I thought this place could use some good looking me grace the c-blogs, having spent the last decade or so modeling for big corporations pro bono. I actually discovered Destructoid through reccomendations from one of my many fans.

If you can see my recently posted header, I'm a 69 years old Polynesian man living vicariously through the internet. After retiring from the drug game, I decided to lay low and assume a more humble lifestyle as to avoid cops. As a result, I came across this cave where nuclear scientists created an electronic tennis game from an oscilloscope. I've secretly followed the world of video games ever since then.

I didn't actually play any vidja games with my hands until 1997, having been imprisoned since the '40s by the U.S. government for stumbling onto their nuclear science project all those years ago. It was a Super Nintendo, and I played Super Mario World until the cartridge would bleed. To cut it some slack, I also played Super Mario All-Stars, Pinocchio, Super Street Fighter II, Extra Innings, and Donkey Kong Country 2.

I progressively continued playing Nintendo stuff because the world of war and corrupt state prison had made me a peaceful man, and I did not favor the more mature, violent alternative systems. Fast-forward to 2007 when I discovered Destructoid after the Nintendo forums were shut down. I've been watching you closely and have come to care for your community of intelligents and rogue thugs, so I decided to share my story with all of you- something I've never shared with a member of the animal kingdom with the ability to talk.

Hope I see you around, and you comment on my stuff, cuz it's like crack to me when I read somebody's input on my ramblings ;(
 
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