Where are all those heroes from the seven generation that maybe didn't warrent a sequel? I'll tell you, but its not all good news...
It was hard for Max to find work after he killed all of Brazil. The resulting lawsuits for questionable force and the medical bills really stacked up, and considering that most of the rich family he was charged to protect ended up dying Max was pretty hard up. So he decided to put those muscles and his bullet time ability to good use, and founded Payne’s removals. His days now consist of heavy lifting and leaping through the air firing two tape dispensers at the same time. Although business has been slow, when asked for a quote he could only reply “my job… my family….” Questioning the company’s motives our representative got the reply “all my fault, another one I couldn’t protect…” which pretty much was completely unrelated. He did catch that falling vase in slow motion which was pretty cool.
So the necromorphs invaded earth and that was gonna be a pretty massive battle, but seeing as EA pulled the plug Isaac has ended up on the scrap heap of life. The necromorph invasion was stopped… probably. And that meant there was only one job left for Mr. Clarke. He joined a crime scene clean-up crew. “Nothing gets it cleaner, and an engineer is obscener” ran the crappy tag line to “Clarkes Clean-up” . But it didn’t really go according to plan. Whilst his Kinetic power meant flinging bits of family member around was a breeze, Isaac had an overwhelming urge to stomp on anything possibly living. Isaac made a few quid selling the crap that fell out of the corpses, but only enough to afford a few med packs to kill the pain of his schizophrenia. That’s not funny, why are you laughing? It’s a real shame for that total dork.
Connor did some good work, but there was a harsh reality to all that climbing and jumping. His ankles were fucked. He tried to keep assassinating things, but revolutionary America was low on wheelchair access. So Connor found himself in the poor house,before ending up in the world of lost souls and the wretched- The civil service. He leapt, (well metaphorically leapt, what with the wheelchair and all) to the dizzying heights of an acceptable job with an average pension. In part mainly to being both mixed race and disabled, he stormed interviews. His dull, almost empty personality was perfect for data entry. But Ratonhnhakéton, could hear the whispers in the tea room of “the box ticker” getting all the perks, Connor struggled to hide his sadness at his mid-year review.
No one ever spells his name correctly on the emails.
Kratos survived his suicide, or maybe he pulled his way out of hell AGAIN. When he reached the surface he found that he had murdered all the gods and most of Greece, so Kratos decided to emigrate to Provo, Utah. Where upon he founded a children’s entertainment service. Unfortunately, Kratos wasn’t very funny, and gave most of the children horrific nightmares of a ghost with abs. After he lost all of his… I dunno… god money, in this career disaster, Kratos was forced to join a travelling circus where nightly he is mocked and teased. Because it turns out that a seven foot man with arms the size of whale penises, taking FIVE SECONDS to open a basic door is pretty funny. Even now, on a cool December evening you can still hear Kratos’ “HHHUNNNGGNGAHHH” as he wrenches open the drinks cabinet to drown another day.
Either that or he became a banker, whatever.
Sick of people telling him his surname was spelt wrong, Marcus left soldiering for good and hung up his machine gun chain saw thingy. He found his dad somewhere around the time Half Life 3 was released, and they both settled down to open a greengrocers. Marcus’ gutsy ‘can do’ attitude and his unpleasant way of making people do things they don’t want to do was ideal for selling sub-par fruit and veg. Unfortunately, they called the shop “Fenix right!? VEGITABLES AND SHIT” which violated serious copy right laws. To add insult to injury, the lawyers who owned the copy right defended themselves. Broke and kind of a dick, Marcus now works as a bin man. This was one wound he wasn’t able to heal with nothing BUT SHEER MASCULINITY.
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