I want to tell you about the world's most scary game.
Scarier than Resident Evil.
Scarier than Silent Hill.
Scarier than fucking Eversion.
Super Troll Island
OK, so, I'm rooting through the bargain bin down at Game Station for SNES games. One of them has a giant ONLY 50p
logo on it. At first I think "Sweet, some cheapo faggot platformer!" and bought it. Little did I know the evil and bloodshed it would cause. How it would ruin the festive season and turn family Christmas dinner into a bloody massacre. I put it into the SNES and turned it on. The screen stayed black. Wow, weird, that's never happened before. I tried again, with no prevail. I decided I'd get the duster, and clean it out. On the way to the kitchen, I slipped and fell. The doctors told me I had a fractured arm. No worry though, I can still play eat, sleep, fuck and play video games. I went back home and after a while, I remembered the game. I turned on the SNES and it worked. WATCH THE ABOVE VIDEO TO SEE HOW HORRIFIED I WAS
. I could only imagine this is what people in concentration camps have to go through. Torture. Pure evil. This is what they make you play when you die and go to hell because you do naughty things. Those little men. What are they? I decided that they where messengers of the devil. Messengers of the devil who where out for blood. I cautiously made sure I was nowhere near the TV. I didn't want some Persona 4 shit happening to me. I went into the first level and found myself in a dark, dark world. It was awful. The tuneless music was enough to make you want to rip your own ears off and duct tape the bloody holes left in your head. I shut off the SNES. Or at least, I tried. The SNES and the TV froze, the power was cut, but the SUPER TROLL ISLAND
was still on my screen. The screen died off after ten seconds. I didn't sleep for about a week after that. But the worst was yet to come...
Christmas day. I still hadn't slept and I was cranky. My grandmother had come down and she wasn't very well either. Two of my little cousins where playing with my games when one of them noticed the SNES.
"It's an old nintendoo."
"WOW. I want to play it"
I gave the box with all the games in it and let them do their thing. I wasn't paying attention, mainly because the internet is more important than two little kids. A familiar tuneless song came on, I shot round immediatly and screamed NOOOOOOOOOO!
at the top of my lungs. I grabbed the game and began to scream. They thought I was being mean or something, so they called for my grandmother who came in and had a go at me.
She snatched the game off me.
I snatched it back.
She roared at me and tried to take it back.
I pushed her.
That was stupid, I didn't think the chandelier would come down on her like that.
Long story short, she almost died and the trolls still haunt me.
Don't play this game, or your dreams will be raped.