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Vidya ex machina

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One good conference does not a good E3 make.

I could be talking about anything. I could be talking about the EA week on Steam. I could talk about how emulators changed the status of PC gaming. Hell, I could be talking about Nomura for all I care. But I here, have another long-winded post nobody will read on E3. I'll kick off by saying that this is pretty much a neutral comment, coming from a PC gamer. I do have an XBOX 360, but I haven't turned it on for months after I realised that the most interesting title I own is Ikaruga.

I was honestly surprised at how many people thought this was a good E3. I had a chat with some bros set up and an E3 stream for all four conferences (missed out on Ubisoft's because it was extremely late here, but apparently I didn't lose much), and was ready to enjoy some new games being unveiled. Boy, was I wrong. I didn't expect much from Microsoft in the first place. I knew they would be centering most of it around Natal (sorry, I meant Kinect). But that fucking much? Seriously, Microsoft? Two fratboy-fests, a new IP of which we only know the name (third-party even, so expect it to be multiplatform), and Fable 3 (the only interesting title, actually). Then, off we go with Kinect. You know casual gamers aren't going to watch E3, so why fucking bother in the first place? Waggling everywhere. Input delay, too. Of course, when your console only has 256MB of RAM (genius idea, Microsoft), you can't seriously expect you to be recognised in the exact same moment. Also, calling lolis to present your shitty waggling shovelware is not a good idea, no matter how cute it may sound. It's just downright stupid. And what was the big surprise of the night? ESPN.
Are you fucking kidding me? You could announce new first-party games, you could do anything, and you present to me ESPN. I'm not even american, what should I care in the first place? I know Microsoft has been pressing hard down the "a console in every house" mentality, but the 360 is supposed to be a gaming console in the first place. That's the problem, Microsoft. Try to fix that next year. In the end, Microsoft's conference was bad. And I mean it. It was laughably bad. Good job, Microsoft. Especially in the free XBOX finale, that'll help every reviewer make up their mind (read: completely reverse what they thought up to that point of the conference. Except for Destructoid and Screwattack, they acted pretty damn cool). Now, let's move on.

EA's press conference. It was... decent. It started out FUCKING GREAT (and I mean it) with Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 3. I'm not really into realistic driving simulators. The only racing games I like are Burnout and, you guessed it, Need for Speed. I'm really looking forward to it.
Moving on, the original Dead Space was a good game, but it stopped being scary after around 20 enemies. It broke the most basic rule of horror games: if you want to scare, never put too many enemies inside it. The player creates expectations that a monster will be around the corner, and when it's not there the tension rises even more. Rule for which Clock Tower: The First Fear and Fatal Frame are widely considered some of the scariest horror games. Dead Space 2 also looks like it's going to be more action-based. That won't necessarily make it a bad game, but I hope they'll stop calling it a horror game. Unless they make it unfairly hard. Also, it's going to have QTEs but at least they will require some aiming. Even though shooting a limb or torso will probably be the exact same.
Then, I felt something die inside me. Medal of Honor. Medal of Honor used to be so good. I owned Rising Sun on PS2 and loved every single minute out of it. What the fuck happened here? Now, I don't even like Modern Warfare 2. But while I saw the people playing the multiplayer, I noticed that they weren't playing Medal of Honor, but Call of Duty. Apart from the audio (which was really, really good), it wasn't "inspiration". It was downright plagiarism. I was ashamed. This is not the road to travel, EA. Now, fix that abortion and make it a good Medal of Honor. Of course, what the fuck am I saying? You never will.
Crysis 2. Apart from the fact that playing on easy difficulty is not the way to show your "revolutionary AI" (and I seriously doubt it will be better than the original F.E.A.R.), it looked fairly generic. Much more generic than the first, that's for sure. It also looked more linear, but that's probably just a first impression. Just hope they don't make it Call of Duty: Future Edition just because it's on consoles. Also, I lost a lot of respect for Crytek when they said that the original Crysis was ruined by piracy. It wasn't, it sold over a million copies in a few months. Stop whining. Also, you can't seriously expect people not to test if they can run it through piracy. Learn to optimize your games better or make them less graphics-intensive and see that they will be pirated less. But we're getting off-topic. Back to E3.
Bulletstorm. Looks like the bastard child between Gears of War and Borderlands. This could turn out to be interesting, if it isn't ruined by the fratboys. I'm also looking forward to the scoring system.
The rest of the conference was ruined by massive announcements of sports games. Sports games are the same shit pumped out over and over again, why even bother? It's not worth it. Talk about some video games. In the end, EA's conference saved itself with the announcement of Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 3. For the rest it was... decent. Nothing that great. And oh yeah, a CGI trailer never shows what an MMO is, so I'm not amused by Bioware's trailer.

I missed Ubisoft's conference, so I'll avoid talking about it. Must say I'm really looking forward to Rayman Origins, though.

Now, here's where the "good conference" is at. Nintendo. Reggie... is a good showman. I'll give him that. He manages to talk about how "the Wii is better" without having that extremely annoying "holier-than-thou" attitude that Sony has. They just did a really damn good press conference. I have to give them that. And let me tell you, I don't give away compliments that easily. Nintendo really impressed me. Kirby is coming on Wii, a new Zelda (poor Miyamoto, you could see him sad because of all the interferences), Metroid Other M, Donkey Kong Country 4, and the MOTHERFUCKING 3DS. Here, let me translate that for you: games, games and more games. Where Microsoft failed and Sony did mediocre. Also, they showed the 3DS which was an extremely pleasant surprise. What made me have an orgasm was the 3DS' list of launch titles. I'm a big fan of Shin Megami Tensei, so you can imagine my reaction when I found out that we would get two more titles on the 3DS AT LAUNCH. And maybe Devil Survivor will be a sequel, not a port. Also, Chaos Theory is one of my favorite games and I really liked MGS3, so the entire library of 3DS games caused me to squeal like a little bitch. Nintendo absolutely won E3, there was no contest.

And then there was Sony. It had a major issue in it. Take Microsoft's conference. Take out the "laughably bad" part. Add one more game, make them all first party. Add the extremely annoying holier-than-thou attitude I was talking about earlier. And... there you have it. Sony's press conference, ladies and gentlemen. It was so boring to watch. It was almost physically painful to sit through. And the waggling, oh god the waggling. One year they were complaining at how the Wii is a gimmick, and then they show their "Move"? Please. The Wii actually did things original, and at least Kinect, as stupid as it is, is a step up from EyeToy (partially). And everyone laughing at the bad jokes that were made. I was tempted at leaving the stream halfway through, but I wondered how far they could keep up. Most of Sony must be still asshurt from their E3 2006 conference (It's RIIIIDGE RACER! RIIIIIDGE RACER!) and now they try to feel superior to the others. Now, the games. I've tried Killzone 2, and after watching the Killzone 3 presentation... I'm not amused. It's Killzone 2 with snow and jetpacks. I wish I was trolling. inFamous 2 looks fairly interesting. Gran Turismo 5 finally isn't vaporware anymore (I hope for those interested in it). However, I'm not interested in it so there you go. I can give them credit on their PSP presentation, since they actually do have something to back up there. Oh, and a new Twisted Metal. Don't really care, but hell, it was about time. In the end, Sony's conference wasn't as bad as Microsoft, but for sure it was the least entertaining. It was downright boring.

So, from the conferences what can we understand of this year's E3? Read the title. We only had one interesting conference. Long story short? This year's E3 downright sucked.
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About Eprahimone of us since 3:08 PM on 03.14.2009

I'm just a person who likes video games. Favorite genre is RPG. Top 3 video games are Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, Deus Ex and Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. Now move along, citizens.
Steam ID:eprahim


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