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[NSFW] My 2017 video game awards


So it's awards time again is it?
Well as last year the Awards are arbitrary and probably not even the same categories entirely as last year because innovation or something?

All winners and runners up will be linked to expect for two categories for reaosons that will become apparent.

The rules are simple, if I didn't play it then it can't win an award (technically). If I did play it even if it's an old game I get to give it an award because screw it, it's my awards and I can do that if I want to.

The Pearl in the Sea of Shit award

 Goes to Red Dwarf XI the game for the second year running because the mobile market has apparently stagnated to the point I've not even felt like trying to go back in. And yes I am aware Reigns is on mobile phones but I have it on Steam so yeh it's kind ruled out. Yeh it's not getting a big fanfare this year because it's Mobile gaming and hasn't seen much other than Nintendo games that have tempted me.

The Veruca Salt Award:

Awarded to the game I WANT NOW because all awards need a category that's basically just a giant advert for something not out yet!!

Runner up:

Need to Know - yeh last year's winner still hasn't come out and this year it's dropped down to the runners up spot.


Hilariously enough the winner this year is the game Last Year which hopefully didn't die off last year. A game promising to take the emerging genre of asymmetric multiplayer horror games and showing all the others how it's done. With Dead By Daylight not offering seemingly much variety in gameplay and Friday the 13th having had a lot of its own troubles on top of a slightly less repetitive game, Last Year since it was Kickstarted has been promising to deliver a far different and by the looks of it far more enjoyable take on the genre (and not I didn't back it). The idea being the killer being  able to despawn to stalk the players, set traps and also find places out of sight to ambush the other players from like a true horror movie villain.

Best Porn game:

What? It's my awards show I get to have this as a category considering I played a number of them for "research" and you know what some of these actually deserve credit for really putting in the effort, far beyond what you really need to do for a game designed just to get a person to fap. When some-one has put this kind of effort an attention into a porn game you can't help but look at it and be amazed that the game may actually be better than at least half of the years Steam Direct releases.

Runner Up:

Breeders of the Nephelym - The spiritual successor to now basically dead porn game Breeding Season but done with 3D graphics rather than sprite art. It's still in development and runs like cold treacle but you have to admire peoples determination to make fuckable cat people, or in this case fox people.


Oddly enough a game that was almost canned for good thanks to a Trademark claim by DC against it because of the name which prompted it to be renamed from Injustice Unlimited to Something Unlimited but for it to continue on. The game also isn't finished but that's mostly because there's at least 5 hours+ of content and it's still growing. Injustice Something Unlimited sees you play as Lex Luthor trying to rebuild and take back over Lex Corp having just got out of Jail after yet another failed world domination scheme. The plan is simple, using various left over tech in a secret base you as Lex Luthor are tasted with mind controlling  female superheros to get them to work at a Strip club......... No really that's basically the premise and as sleazy and almost simple as this sounds the amount of heart and effort that's gone into the game is shocking right down to obscure lore from the DC animated Justice League shows. This isn't a simple game where the sex is 'Mind control female hero and get them to sleep with Lex' No you're Lex Luthor so most of the sex stuff actually comes from various tricks and getting to know the female SuperHeros without the mind control device controlling their free will. Or should you wish to, getting to know a number of female Villains instead including Mercy Graves, Tala, Roulette and Harley Quinn. Or you know just nip off for a quickly with Livewire. Oh and if any of those names sound not that familiar to you, well that tells you how deep and how much detail it goes into.

It can be played as a semi management sim game controlling the various acts on at the strip club and what kind of performances go on or if you want just includes cheats to skip to what you want and not have to actually build up cash or progress to learn how to capture certain heroes. Oh and it also makes some jokes about things that would obviously happen if the DC world were real.

The Better late than never award

Awarded to the game that I initially played and thought wasn't great, but has improved itself vastly

Pretty much uncontested winner:

When I first got a Ps4 a few years ago and I found out Warframe was on it I decided to try it out. With at the time barely readable chat messages and a hugely confusing map interface, such that it felt like a chore to even find the mission I needed to do to advance, I gave up. This year NeoTurbo mentioned about it in the Discord chat and I thought I'd give it another try as he said it was vastly improved. He was right. What I came back to was a game with a better re-designed map and chat that was not just readable but actually truly readable without me having to squint at my ~20 inch gaming TV. Topping that off was a new movement system and seemingly a lot more content. I've played a ton of the game this past year. Best of all its free to play, I'm actually probably going to buy some platinum for it at some point just as a thank you to the developers for how much I've enjoyed my time. 

Best Joke game of the year:

Some games are laughably bad. Some however are designed to make some-one laugh and a can often have a point to them and have had serious effort put in to craft them. This award is for the latter.

Uncontested Winner:

There have been Lootbox opening simulators before but this one, I can't Beleieve It's Not Gambling went above and beyond the call with the dev even adding Seasonal items (that won't be getting removed) to further push the joke. The true sign of a good joke game though is that it's amazing the effort that's been put in. The shockingly sincere effort that's been put in to make the joke work and this is such a game with far more effort than honestly the joke would need but it just makes the joke so much better. The game was actually so good it got me to buy the developers previous title in the recent Steam sale (which I've not started playing yet hence it's not on this list)

The "It's Chocolate honest" award:

Awarded to the game that looks like it's shit but isn't

Runner Up:

Monster Monpiece
If I did an award for the game that most buried how good it actually is with the look of Animu bullshit this would be a sure winner. The game does a terrible job of presenting what it actually is. The game presents itself as a simple card game which also has you rubbing monster girls to make their clothes fall off and well it's not really that. It's quite a deep strategic card game with a story which when it's not throwing implied naked massage scenes at you seems actually quite nice with moments of comedy.

The only reason it doesn't win and this is where this being subjectively my awards comes in is the fact it has or had a microtransaction store to buy more card packs to skip having to ever do any kind of grinding (not that I've had to do much. Now I said has or had because my attempts to connect to the store all failed either implying the store is down or the server not very stable but the potential or seeming desire for such a store stops it winning.


I know another community member raved about how good Carrie's Order Up was not long after its release and I finally decided to try it and well it's nice. It's fun, it's worth the money and for a game that could so easily have been totally awful it's actually really fun to play.

The Best use of Zombies award 

Well it's for the best game with Zombies in it that used Zombies well.

Clear Winner:

Plague Inc: Evolved adding in the Zombie Virus as an option is a real game changing with the ability to have some control over the Zombie horde and add a new level of strategy as you try to direct the infection about while also having to fight off Anti-Zombie organisations that spread aid and help improve cure research while killing off Zombies. 

Game of the Year:

Runner Up

Paladins: It's like Overwatch but with a community that seems to mostly understand this concept of team play and team composition even in casual mode. Also the game feels better and smoother to play to me. What's stopping it going higher is the whole thing over cards Unbound possibly coming in and a of this being published now in and yes pretty nasty.


 It's literally become a joke on the Destructoid Discord that every time I mention Slayaway Camp I get either asked how much I'm being paid,  be accused of being paid or some-one posts a money emote. I just think this game is that damn good. A new little bit of content each month in the form of the monthly murderers club unlocks (which they do sell as a pack for those who've missed them but can be unlocked via codes in game) and even adding a couple of new campaigns  / sets of levels to the game. With tons to unlock from: gorepacks; to new killers from the mystery box; to unlocking the ability to play get even more levels with the Deleted Scenes and NC-17 cut levels. This is a puzzle game that I love because it explains it's mechanics well; it introduces new mechanics at a nice pace and the levels all feel like once you understand the mechanics they're logical and not reliant on some kind of secret technique or mechanic the game just hoped you'd figure out. This is a game with tons of content and is a tribute to the slasher films of the past (and in some cases present). This is a game I've enjoyed so much I'm actually interested in the developers other titles because of just how good this game is.

Seriously if you like puzzle games or even like the idea of puzzle games but have never found one that quite clicked this is one for you. I've put in over 15 hours into this game and I think there's easily close to that again.

Now for the most coveted award I ever award.

The MMO of the year award.

Awarded to the best MMO I've played this year

Runner up:

Deishuu Kaiki - From the Monogatari series specialising in imposter oddities and known as a con man who believes in the absolute truth of money.

Ok whose been fucking with me script for this awards show? Seriously Kaiki isn't even an MMO? I blame you for this one BASS


Hold up, where the hell is the trophy..........

Hold on there's a note.

Well I guess taciturasa / Eyesigil wins by virtue of having pinched trophy, Because that's totally how awards work right???

Hope you enjoyed this my Game of the Year 2017 awards.

Special thank you to The Blonde Bass and Eyesigil / taciturasa for their additional input into this years awards (and yes they really did do most of the MMO of the year bit themselves when I aksed for ideas in Discord)

And now it's done it means the other one is coming.

By the pricking of something other than my thumb
something wicked this way does comes.
Shitty developers should tremble in fear  
as the Grumble Awards 2017 draws near.

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About Dwarvenhobbleone of us since 8:33 AM on 06.19.2012

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