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LONG BLOG

The 34th Splatoon - See what I did there? (NSFW!)

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Splatoon may be out in stores soon (though certainly not soon enough!) but that hasn't stopped the internet from making awesome images. I mean, right from the reveal back in E3 a year or two ago, fans were in love with the character designs. Do you know that there's a ton of pretty sweet Splatoon fan art out there, just waiting to be highlighted and showcased by someone?

Yeah, well, someone else is gonna have to do that, because this blog's about the porn!

Now, I know I did a couple of hentai blogs before, but let's tackle the subject matter a little bit. As some of you may be aware, I'm totally into the older, mature, more developed ladies. However, rather than showcasing lovely MILFs or big boobed babes I love so much, the characters in Splatoon are tiny lil' tykes that may resemble young children. As we know, actual child pornography is a no-no. However, in my opinion, fictional child pornography is a victimless crime, save for whatever sprain someone gets for... drawing.

What, what did you think I was going to say?

Funny enough, did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? Did you know May 27 is a Wednesday, also known as "hump day"? Did you know National Masturbation Day is May 28th? Did you know May 29th is when Splatoon will released? Do you know where I'm going with this? I think you do!

Let's start with one of the earliest ones to come out. You know, I really like this one for a couple of reason, and one of them is because of the art style they used. It has a chalk-like feel to it, the coloring is nice, and it immediately grabbed my attention when I first saw it.

Okay, speaking of attention grabbing, it's kinda hard to ignore the whole "spreading yourself open" shot she's doing. I kinda figured, with their hair doubling for squid tentacles, that we would see them incorporated into porn. I really like the whole "blushing" vibe she's got going on to, like she's timid about it yet she's still wet. You probably can't see it because I censored it, but trust me, she wants to do more than hand out invitations.

This is another one of those "show your holes" picture pose. I chose to include this one not only because this one's opening up her ass instead (variety!), but also because I like the way it's drawn. It's kinda sharp, and I like the expression on her face. While I know that there's no white ink in their world, since this image is in black and white, I like to think that's cum leaking out of her gun. If only she was rubbing her cheek on the puddle and there's some kind of sticky residue to further cement that illusion.

To be honest, I'm not really sure if what I censored was a nipple or not. However, whether it is or isn't, I really just adore how cute she looks! Seriously, I don't even find the bare chest sexually enticing as I do a piece of artistic nudity: it's not blatant, and yes, even little girls have nipples... that will eventually grow into big boobies like tiny seeds blossoming into roses. Still, I love this image just because she looks too adorable, pulling her hair tentacles like that.

Maybe it's because I'm so used to cum being so milky white, I honestly thought that was toothpaste she was squeezing out of the tube. If I'm being honest once again, I was kinda hoping it would be, considering the whole "toothbrush fetish" thing going around. But alas, it's just a penis.

Definitely one of my favorite images. I have a thing for futanari girls (hint: it's the same thing they got!) and seeing her pump her lovingly large penis to provide ammo and pleasure is just lovely. Speaking of, the amount she cums is just amazing, and I like the way it shoots out. I'm a stickler for things like that. She also have a rather tight shirt on, and her big breasts looks like they boing when they bounce like super balls!

Not to be confused with male super balls, which kinda saggy jiggles like deflated basketballs.

Simple, yet effective. Even in the game does the Inkling have hips that don't quit, so it's nice to see that porn that emphasizes their bubble butts and not their flat chests. And that Inkling knows she's got it, and she knows you want it, but you can't have any.

Because she's not real. GOSH DARN TEASE!

Okay, so if you know about Splatoon, you know that characters can swim in their own ink and turn invisible. You can use this to surprise enemies, and why you should never take for granted that an area with enemy paint might not have someone hiding in wait for you to expense your ammo and take advantage.

These girls got a different kind of "taking advantage" in mind.

The single player campaign for Splatoon has players going into enemy territory to fight against the army of Octarians alone. You can see from this image why that wasn't such a good idea.

Though also in the single player campaign, you get to fight these sexy Octopus ladies. Heck, if I gotta be captured by an enemy, this isn't too bad. The Octopus lady is particularly horny, just look at her face.

And man, is that Inkling a gusher. It just keeps pouring out, and she ain't even a futa..

Of course, if I can capture the enemy myself...

While the quality of the image is pretty low, I still like the idea of it. As some of you already know, I like the older woman/ younger male relationship, so having the kid have sex with someone who could be in her teens still satisfy that fetish for me. The random guy using her hair to rub one out is just icing on the cake.

The cake being her head.

This image is very interesting to me. It's kinda a mix between pencil/ ink sketch and early mangas, right down to the same type of colored pages and subtle "body bits". I kind of like it more for the artistic angle and less of the sex, which honestly isn't that great from this perspective (seriously, not even a cumdrip between her legs). I also like seeing that wavy mouth that girls get when they're enjoying sex.

Because every Japanese game needs swimsuit costumes, dammit. No exceptions.

This is another one of my favorite images because I like the overall quality of it. It looks rather well done, and there's a kind of sharpness to it that makes it look defined. As for the sexual content, I'm not sure if she's just rubbing the thick penis against her pussy for pleasure or is actually trying to stick it in. It could be both, like trying to loosen the hole before going all in. Whatever the case, that's actually a pretty fat penis, and she's grinding up against it, so that's nice.

No, the image didn't not load. The next image is one I enjoyed, but I figured censoring it would be more of a hassle than it's worth, so I chose to use this black square instead. It's about as good.

Why? Because there's so many penises, or penis shaped shadows that allude to more penises, in this image that I might as well take the easy way out.

What, am I really being lazy? Okay, fine, I'll try my best to show you what I can.

By golly, is that a lot of penises! And yet, strangely not the most amount I've ever seen. Thank goodness I don't have to censor cum.

This image kinda has a watercolor paint-like feel to it, and I really think it looks nice.

Like I said before, I really enjoy the whole "melty mouth" thing anime girls have when they're enjoying sex because it looks so arousing. The look on her face in general is also pretty adorable, like she's trying her hardest to soften these guys.

Not exactly tentacle rape. It's really more like she's being groped.

Almost actual tentacle rape. It doesn't look like there's any penetration going on, kind of as if the tentacles are just merely covering her naughty bit. I can't even tell if she's enjoying it or not: without a blush across her face or something to give it away, it looks like she's really just passive about it. What I do know is that her lips are full and luscious though, and that alones sells me on the image.

You saw the Inkling, you saw the Octaling, so let's combine the two together! Like I said, if this is what being captured would be like, then take me prisoner! If I don't have a white flag, I'm sure we can stain something. :P

You know, I always find that trail of drool to be oddly arousing. I mean, it's no cum string, but it's viscous enough to look like it.

For the final set, this is part of a three-page "comic" that involves a blue boy Inkling with an orange female one. So they're playing the game, and the boy sees a trail of orange ink going to a hidden corner somewhere. Once he's close enough her, he jumps out of cover with his gun raised, only to see the girl pleasuring herself without her pants! Again, I LOVE the whole "wavy mouth" she has, and for some reason, having a shirt on for sex just seems better. As she rubs her clitoris, she notices that the boy is there, and starts licking her lips.

Then, she places her legs behind her legs (gosh darn is she flexible!) and spreads herself wide. The point-of-view then takes place from within her vagina, let's call this the "cervix cam", so you can see the boy getting all hot and bothered staring right into her gaping hole. He's obviously not going to turn down such an offer, so he immediately jumps on her and starts sexing her up.

The next few panels show them having intercourse in various positions, but damn is he going at it like a little spider monkey! After finally cumming his blue ink, the boy has to take a breather, but the girl appreciates how full she is by opening the gates to let it ooze out.

Well, I pretty much "finished" this blog (you take that whichever way helps you sleep at night), so I'll just leave you guys here to do whatever you want to do with these images. I hope you enjoyed reading though! I personally can't wait for Splatoon to come out this Friday, so maybe I'll see some of you guys on the battlefield! Just be on the lookout for the player ÆON with the Splatter Jr. (did you see me in the Global Testfires, perhaps?) claiming his turf and making it surf. That probably made no sense, but my blood ain't flowed back into my brain quite yet.

- "Petals dance for our valediction and synchronize to your frozen pulsation... Swirling wind sings for our reunion and 9.8 is my acceleration." - Mili


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About Dreamweaverone of us since 12:51 AM on 08.07.2009



Destructoid Trading Card courtesy of StriderHoang!

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:

"10 Thing about Me!"

"Top 10 Favorite Videogames!

"Most Life-Changing Game"

"Top 10 Fetishes"

I also used to write blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). There aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P


Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising

Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker

Part 3: Blazblue

Part 4: Super Mario Brothers

Part 5: [email protected]

Part 6: Persona 4

Splatoon (no doujinshi)

I don't just restrict myself to videogames though!

Two Siblings - Fela Pure

The Amazing World of Gumball porn (ya, really)

The Amazing World of Gumball porn part 2: Nicole Watterson edition!

Let's get a little (gay) hentai in here (NSFW!)

I'm not horsing around, but she is! (Oh, this is totally NSFW)

Another one of Dreamweaver's fetish blogs! You know you want some! (NSFW)

I also have done a couple of Comments of the Week! Check out some of the articles here!

Comments of the Week 1 - Prototype

Comments of the Week 2 - Ready for Round 2?

Comments of the Week 3 - Rhyme for Reasons

Comments of the Week 4 - Oh, dream-maker, you heart breaker...

Comments of the Week 5 - Number 5 has arrived!

Comments of the Week 6 - Better check the clock...

Comments of the Week 7 - From out of the blue!

Comments of the Week 8 - Alive once again!

Comments of the Week 9 - Robo Revolution!

Comments of the Week 10 - Don't need no Facebook

Comments of the Week 11 - Just can't live with you

Comments of the Week 12 - Crazy creations

Comments of the Week 13 - Just another day

Comments of the Week 14 - Prototype Pt.2

Comments of the Week 15 - It was just a Tuesday edition

Comments of the Week 16 - What you've been waiting for

Comments of the Week 17 - Monday surprise

Comments of the Week 18 - Kick that candy bar, I got a bounty for y'all

Comments of the Week 19 - The "Why am I not playing Splatoon right now?" edition

Comments of the Week 20 - "What the what!?" edition

Comments of the Week 21 - This tastes funny

Comments of the Week 22 - E3 2015 Edition

Comments of the Week 23 - A little too happy

Comments of the Week 24 - Am I doing it right?

Comments of the Week 25 - Doing things in the dark

Comments of the Week 26 - What's going on over there?

Comments of the Week 27 - Go ahead. Swallow.

Comments of the Week 28 - Let's all gather 'round!

Comments of the Week 29 - Can't get it up edition

Comments of the Week 30 - Keep crushing my weiners

Comments of the Week 31 - Don't open that door!

Comments of the Week 32 - Don't be scared, come inside

Comments of the Week 33 - Don't try this at home

Comments of the Week 34 - That kid's kawaii

Comments of the Week 35 - Major... I'M BURNING UP!

Comments of the Week 36 - You have eyes. What do your eyes see?

Comments of the Week 37 - In a place they'd never look.

Comments of the Week 38 - So our country could win.

Comments of the Week 39 - It makes a man hideous.

Comments of the Week 40 - Time for a taste test.

Comments of the Week 41 - Trick or Treat edition

Comments of the Week 42 - iDroid edition

Comments of the Week 43 - Atom bomb baby, little atom bomb

Comments of the Week 44 - Shadow of the Night

Comments of the Week 45 - バーガーベスト, ですよね?

Comments of the Week 46 - The Gift of Family

Comments of the Week 47 - My Gift to You

Comments of the Week 48 - Praise the Goddess, SANTA'S COMING!

Comments of the Week 49 - CHRISTMAS is OVER? Goddess damn it!

Comments of the Week 50 - We made it!

Comments of the Week 51 - The one after the blackout

Comments of the Week 52 - MY CANDY BAR! (featuring Mike Martin)

Comments of the Week 53 - Who in the world wished for snow?

Comments of the Week 54 - You're creeping me out

Comments of the Week 55 - Love Love Love

Comments of the Week 56 - Lots of Love

Comments of the Week 57 - New look, same great taste!

Comments of the Week 58 - Better late than never

Comments of the Week 59 - The 'still a week behind' edition!

Comments of the Week 60 - Don't reach for the remote, this is not a rerun!

Comments of the Week 61 - Still trying to catch up

Comments of the Week 62 - Working overtime

Comments of the Weel 63 - You're not seeing double!

Comments of the Week 64 - The reason why I'm not playing Quantum Break right now

Comments of the Week 65 - Take a break from Dark Souls III, you earned it.

Comments of the Week 66 - Take a load off!

Comments of the Week 67 - I needs it!

Comments of the Week 68 - Now we wait for Overwatch to come out.

Comments of the Week 69 - I see what you did there.

Comments of the Week 70 - We're all soldiers now.

Comments of the Week 71 - I will be watching over you.

Comments of the Week 72 - Die... Die... DIE...

Comments of the Week 73 - Ready to go primal

Comments of the Week 74 - E3 2016 Edition

Comments of the Week 75 - Activating self-destruct sequence!

Comments of the Week 76 - The 99.537% Reality

Behind the scenes look at Comments of the Week (Also, fuck it, totally NSFW!)

And just for giggles, here's a couple of blogs that I've personally enjoyed writing myself!

Videogame references in The Amazing World of Gumball (not porn edition)!

Pokemon Rap - Dibs on Miltank

Band of Bloggers: Stories from the Capital Wasteland

A Fantasy Fulfilled: Adventuring Akihabara

Short Story: Love Over Time (videogame related)

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 1: Siblings of the Summit

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 2: Siblings of the Stadium

Ice Climber fan fiction part 3: Siblings of the Subspace
Xbox LIVE:TraitortoHeaven
PSN ID:TraitortoHeaven


 

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