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LONG BLOG

Comments of the Week - Robo Revolution!

1:05 PM on 03.22.2015 (server time)0

To all who may concern: this site has been taken over by ROBOTS.

It's horrible: it's like, all of a sudden, the people we love the most are the ones with all the power.

Occams is a robot with a beard of cats!

The Great Fairy Pixielated is a robot with wings!

I say, I repeat, I say Isay Isay is a robo-rooster!

Mike Martin is a metal mech menance!

Even old granny Elsa is a robot!

Sephzilla is... exactly the same.

Anyway, as one of the survivors of the community, not enslaved by their tyrannical rule, and I'm going to chronicle what life is like in Destructoid by taking entries from people's daily lives and recording them down. As always, their testimonies will be separated into three categories...

TRUTH: TRUST NO ONE!

LOL: ROBOTS DON'T LAUGH!

WUT?: WILL WE DO NOW?

How did things come to this? I remember when things were so peaceful last week with tater tot rain and an awesome rap battle against Kim Jong Il... two miracles I never thought would happen in the same week.

From Isbarah is an unforgiving bullet hell platformer

Dreamweaver: At least it appeals to Destructoid just by having balls!

From Play Family Feud with Google autocomplete answers

Dreamweaver: I didn't expect that: why would you ever want to STOP?

From Cancelled Kingdom Hearts concept art with Frozen, Wreck-It-Ralph, Star Wars

Dreamweaver: I don't blame you: it's TOO TEMPTING!

From Review: Mario Party 10

Dreamweaver: You could, but it's gonna be much more expensive to replace.

Dreamweaver: I prefer fake breasts to a flat chest!

From Nintendo and DeNA enter into licensing agreement for mobile development

Dreamweaver: ...Nah, man, too easy for me.

From DeNA spent 5 years trying to partner with Nintendo

Dreamweaver: Never gets old!

Dreamweaver: Better late than never!

Dreamweaver: She'll give in - who could resist someone as sexy as you?

From My Little Pony avatars available for PS3 at $3.99 each

Dreamweaver: But squares like those would put companies in Jeopardy!

Dreamweaver: That's a burn.

From Starcraft II: Legacy of the Void seeks to conclude the trilogy with an exciting finale

Dreamweaver: I can't remember what I did last summer.

From Microsoft is cool with pirates upgrading to Windows 10 for free

Dreamweaver: Believe in the dicks: they only point to the future.

From Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima expected to split with Konami after The Phantom Pain

Dreamweaver: That's pretty fucked up in my opinion.

From Grab a free copy of Bioshock Infinite on Xbox Live

Dreamweaver: Girls dig a guy who's honest! ...Or was it "hung?"

From Uh, ew: Ermac's Mortal Kombat Fatality is disgusting and visceral

Dreamweaver: So this is what "puking your guts out" looks like!

Dreamweaver: Guess he couldn't stomach it. Also, your avatar is just perfect.

From Rory McIlroy replaces Tiger Woods on EA's PGA Tour

Dreamweaver: Meaning's entirely different when you're a robot!

Dreamweaver: Open your mouth wide, let me see how big your mouth is!... Yes, I did just quote a Big Sean/ Calvin Harris song.

From Happy St. Paddy's Day

Dreamweaver: The reason why this is in "LOL" and not "Truth" is because it's laughable how simply not true that statement is. French fries for life! Only a robot without one would say otherwise!

From Sweet closure: Blade Kitten adds Episode 2 DLC years after its debut

Dreamweaver: Here's looking at you, kid!

From EB Games Australia offering NX pre-orders

Dreamweaver: The money or the well?

From Nintendo talk NX, mobile game pricing, DeNA partnership

Dreamweaver: That's what you get for "dragon" it on for that long!

From Atari bullying indie developer behind Tempest 2000

Dreamweaver: No joke, I actually know a hentai by that same name! ...Yes, it has brother-sister incest!

From Mortal Kombat X punishes quitters with head-exploding Quitalities

Dreamweaver: Only a robot could make a pun like that!

Dreamweaver: At least you didn't lose your head!

From Donate blood in Denmark & your free copy of Bloodborne will be blood-born

Dreamweaver: You think he made all those by hand?

From Review: Fruit Ninja Kinect 2

Dreamweaver: I think I know what a backstab in this scenario would be!

From Mortal Kombat X has a giant spider and nope nope nope nope nope

Dreamweaver: I can't top that.

From "Do it" with female Nintendo characters to celebrate Women's History Month

Dreamweaver: That's what we thought. But then...

Dreamweaver: Implying bears wears clothes in the first place.

Dreamweaver: I don't want to think when I watch porn: the blood's in a DIFFERENT head!

From Ass-to-mouth dinosexual action in Nintendo's Fossil Fighters: Frontier

Dreamweaver: Man, if I was alive before I was conceived, I'd totally impregnant my mom. If I do it now, it'd just be weird.

Dreamweaver: And I thought I saw everything.

From Best $5 ever spent!!

Dreamweaver: Lube? As in for MACHINES? Now I know how to stop one of the metal bastards...

From This Sega Dreamcast theme for 3DS is legit

Dreamweaver: ...Do I want you to clarfiy what you meant by "worked fast"?

Dreamweaver: #WetDreamweaver a.k.a. best Dreamweaver!

Dreamweaver: The last three minutes of my porn videos usually ends with the girl telling me how bad I should feel for cumming in the first 10 seconds.

From Xbox Store slip confirms Predator for Mortal Kombat X

Dreamweaver: ...That just happened.

Shoot, I transmitted for too long: they're on to me! I must escape today, but hopefully I can stay alive long enough to bring you another edition! Remember: it's up to YOU to keep this community alive by being your wacky-ass selves!