(Note: This edition was meant to air a couple of weeks ago, but due to problems with the Cblog Editor, I postponed it. As such, everything has been lazily kept the same except for this disclaimer, which will now self-destruct in 5783 seconds.)
Welcome back to Comments of the Week, also known as "the reason why I'm not playing Fire Emblem Fates right now." NO, I'M TOTALLY NOT BITTER ABOUT IT!
That's because this is the first Comments of the Week to feature the completely redesigned Destructoid, with a simpler but slicker interface. However, underneath the glimmer and glam is the same old website that you love, including all of the wacky commenters. For those of you who haven't stopped by for a while and missed out on all the crazy antics we've been getting into, or you simply just want to remember what the hell happened this week, then this is for you. As always, you can find comments to be placed into three categories.
TRUTH: Men who kiss their wives every morning reportedly live 5 years longer than men who don't.
LOL: Does it count if you kiss someone else's wife?
WUT?: I'm asking for a friend.
If you missed what the old-ish Destructoid looks like, then you can check out last week's edition right here. I also want to give a shout out to the homie StriderHoang for featuring me in the newly revived Community Interviews series. If you want to know more about your lovely host, Dreamweaver — like his favorite video games and porn — then hop on over!
Dreamweaver: Who wears short shorts?
Dreamweaver: So that's why there's still sarcasm in the apocalypse.
Dreamweaver: I wish From Must Git Gud was still here to say that.
Dreamweaver: Dammit, his story checks out! (delete 15 pages of why Final Fantasy XIII is the best of the series)
Dreamweaver: And people try to tell me "size doesn't matter"!
Dreamweaver: I've seen an adult's toy room. It's less colorful, but far more interesting to play with.
From REVIEW: XCOM 2
Dreamweaver: MEHXCOM sounds like a bootleg Mexico.
Dreamweaver: Shooting people in the face IS fun for the whole family!
Dreamweaver: I miss getting letters.
Dreamweaver: She can get me love drunk off that hump.
Dreamweaver: These are not the measurements I was looking for.
Dreamweaver: They've never seen a Friday the 13th movie.
Dreamweaver: ...I hope these comments aren't related.
Dreamweaver: At least he gets to wear an eyepatch. Chicks dig the eyepatch.
Dreamweaver: You can curse here.
Dreamweaver: Being nagged to death is how I want to die!
Dreamweaver: Brings a whole new meaning to "jock straps."
Dreamweaver: So... ChillyBilly. (You know I'm just teasing ya!)
Dreamweaver: According to my bottle of viagra, in half an hour.
Dreamweaver: It's not how long you last, but whether you had a good time.
Dreamweaver: But he can't, because he's not a doctor.
Dreamweaver: Aw, the cycle continues!
From REVIEW: DUB DASH
Dreamweaver: But I can still look over you, right?
Dreamweaver: I bet Jerry would beg to differ.
Dreamweaver: Very carefully.
Dreamweaver: Does it do the Running Man?
Dreamweaver: Why would Occams ever downgrade?
Dreamweaver: I see someone's Jewish.
Dreamweaver: You can enjoy piranha blowjobs from anywhere!
Dreamweaver: He shouldn't have ate the last cookie in the jar.
Dreamweaver: Looks like someone's buying a Weed Whacker!
Dreamweaver: I would totally eat a Farfetch'd on a stick.
Dreamweaver: Does it also punch the sky when it flies?
Dreamweaver: Funny, that's EXACTLY why the deer's taking off his gloves!
Dreamweaver: He secretly wanted this to happen.
And that's it for this edition, folks! Now get up out of my face so I can plays me some more Fire Emblem Fates! Anyone who sides with Hoshido is a goody two shoes that can't pull off the color black!