Don't you just love December? This month is so chockful of holiday cheer that any negativity will be considered a threat to Santa Claus. So, you there, with the frowny face! You better get into the spirit of the season or I'm going to shove magic down your mouth hole so hard that you'd feel it in your stomach like a sinking stone on a babbling brook!
Oh, threats won't work on you? Well, that's fine. I also know how to play "good cop." So maybe you're glum because someone took the last Bostom Creme donut at Krispy Kremes. That's okay, because I brought something to cheer you up! Voila! This week's Comments of the Week! You look like you need a laugh (you frowny-faced bastard) so why not catch up on some of the funniest things that happened this week?
TRUTH: Comments of the Week are scientifically proven to bring joy to the holiday season.
LOL: Its funny, because it's true!
WUT?: I'm a totally legit scientist!
If you missed out last week's edition, then you'll gonna want to check it out. It has the second greatest gift of all: The Gift of Family. What's the first? Well, ME, of course! Thank Goddess for Dreamweaver.
Dreamweaver: Well, that's all you need.
Dreamweaver: I don't think that applies to hydrochrolic acid, but what do I know?
Dreamweaver: Just like me! (virgin joke T^T)
Dreamweaver: Truer words have never been spoken.
Dreamweaver: Why do we let them help us with wars again?
Dreamweaver: Street Fuckers is probably best name ever for a Street Fighters porn parody.
Dreamweaver: I can already hear the laugh track!
Dreamweaver: That's actually a picture of his mom.
Dreamweaver: Amateurs. Everyone knows you snort Arcade Dust while sitting on a racing game cabinet so you have a place to lean back.
Dreamweaver: That's what hookers say about me.
Dreamweaver: The same thing also applies between me and hookers.
Dreamweaver: If two gay men get together, does it cancel the gay or amplifies it?
Dreamweaver: Always have Boston Cream donuts. Always.
Dreamweaver: Praise the Goddess.
Dreamweaver: That's the date of the reboot.
Dreamweaver: I'd light her grill. With my penis.
Dreamweaver: He's clearly a rooster.
Dreamweaver: Cheez Whiz on burgers is nature's perfect food.
Dreamweaver: I hear that hobo on seventh street is a level 20 paladin though.
Dreamweaver: Clearly, we are mere mortals in his presence.
Dreamweaver: He clearly said it slowly.
Dreamweaver: We must listen to the cock. It knows what's good for us.
Dreamweaver: On one hand, at least it's a unique collection.
Dreamweaver: Don't press Doug's button, dammit!
Dreamweaver: Fanta Z sounds like a line of soft drinks.
Dreamweaver: ...Coffee no nice now?
Dreamweaver: Palms.... Pixie's greatest nemesis.
Dreamweaver: YOU BLEW IT!
I was talking about the penis in Mike's mouth.
But yeah, he also ruined the song.
Dreamweaver: OrochiLeona thought he had it all figured out. He was always thinking about revisiting the past, looking back on the adventures that he had. He hoped that he could see the glory days once more. But he'll learn that sometimes, you only get to live through something once.
Sure, it may support Trophies for your acccomplishments, and maybe it'll run at a full 1080p, but you don't get to see it again the same way you did before. You don't get to feel the same rush you got chasing the criminal through the snowy streets of New York City like when you did it the first time. It's like shooting up the second shot of heroin. You don't feel like it's greatest thing on earth.
Instead, you feel like it's the worst thing ever. Not because of the crash, the puking of blood, or even the infection from the dirty ass syringe you found in a dumpster. No, the worst part of spiraling into drug abuse is knowing that you will never get the same high as your first round, and yet you'll still chase after it like fools who chase the end of a rainbow.
Don't do it, OrochiLeona. You'll never find that pot of gold.
Or whatever. "I'm not your mom," I'd say, as I down another shot of strawberry milk.
Dreamweaver: ...Uh, y-yeah, man, EVERYONE who had sex knows that!
Dreamweaver: That's, like, the start of an awesome story right there.
Dreamweaver: He saw a lot of things, but nothing will prepare him for that.
Dreamweaver: He calls his friend, Harry Potter, to make it for him.
Dreamweaver: Or maybe... Occams WAS the one who cancelled Constantine!
Dreamweaver: ...Did you drink any?
Dreamweaver: I never get the high score.
Dreamweaver: Huh, I always thought God would be Matt Damon. Now I know nothing about life.
Well, that's it for this edition! As always, I hope you enjoyed your stay here!
At least more than that other guy. Nothing ever impresses that bastard.