GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD evening, Destructoid! It's your lovely host, Dreamweaver, coming to you a-live, with the newest batch of-
Ooh, would you look at that delicious looking candy bar sitting in that totally suspicious alley! Now, I know what you're all thinking, but since there's only one of those babies, I'M CALLING DIBS!
Golly, I hope it's slightly melted. Candy bars ALWAYS tastes better when it's slightly melted!
Mike Martin: Bruh, that ainâ€™t no candy. Oh god, itâ€™s all over.. your face... the fuck man? Hey, are you ok? Dream? DREAM! *watches horrified as Dreamweaver passes out* Well, guess Iâ€™ll help out this time. Butt first I need to attend to something…
TRUTH: I put it in his butt while he was passed out.
LOL: Oh wow, he wasnâ€™t kidding. His wiener really is small.
WUT?: He has a tattoo of Burt Reynolds blowing Hilary Clinton on his stomach.
Dreamweaver: Oh Goddess... my tummy hurts (and my butt for some reason). And here I thought Destructoid going offline last week was the worst thing to happen to me!
Dreamweaver: Sounds devilishly delicious.
Mike Martin: Does anyone have Fritos?
Dreamweaver: I'd arc her lad, if you know what I'd mean.
Damn kids always be ruining my MILF moments.
Mike Martin: They ruin it even worse if they start coming out during intercourse.
Dreamweaver: Don't get fuzzy, get funky.
Mike Martin: I got something fuzzy and funky, right here! Know whattamsayin? KIELBASA SAUSAGE!
Dreamweaver: I'd do a rimshot, but there's a camera up there. :P
Mike Martin: Pretty sure that once I finished, your rim WAS shot. Also, that camera scratched my dick… and I liked it.
Dreamweaver: Dibs on his Mega Buster!
I'm talking about his penis! :D
Mike Martin: Well shit… can we share?
Dreamweaver: *deletes internet history*
Mike Martin: *googles giantress footjob*
Dreamweaver: Don't forget the part where he came down a skylight and blew through a floor.
Mike Martin: A gentleman never kisses and tells. Alright, so I pulled off my Perry the Platypus underoos and then…
Mike Martin: I was actually thinking that itâ€™d be nice to just have a 17 day vacation…
Dreamweaver: Bruh, you ain't truly on vacation unless you're rocking a pair of shades like those.
Dreamweaver: Like when a hooker tells me she's pregnant.
Mike Martin: We have pregnant hookers?
Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Archelon!
Mike Martin: Itâ€™s a shame he split after that.
Dreamweaver: See above response.
Mike Martin: Itâ€™s amazing what happens when videos are at different quality levels.
Dreamweaver: Urine a lot of trouble, guys.
Mike Martin: This one pissed me off.
Dreamweaver: Come on, can't you give him... a hand? :P
Mike Martin: Fucking entitled kids these days.
Mike Martin: Iâ€™d groan at that, but Iâ€™m too chicken.
Dreamweaver: Would you moan at that? ;P
Mike Martin: Itâ€™s on common grounds such as these, that we can come together and make a better world.
To jerk off in.
Dreamweaver: I just wished I passed my science class so I can get the joke.
Mike Martin: Every game should have the option to be Danny Trejo.
Dreamweaver: I wonder if Matt Damon plays Fallout 4 as himself…
Dreamweaver: I literally can't come up with a joke, this was too hilarious.
Mike Martin: You heard him, sit tha fuck down.
Dreamweaver: Ew, I don't want my sperm to shoot back into my penis! Who knows where it's been! >^<
Mike Martin: *rocks back and forth, while clutching pee hole* Itâ€™ll be ok precious, itâ€™ll be ok… Occams canâ€™t hurt us here...
Mike Martin: Back pain is a titty thing to deal with.
Dreamweaver: Must be because of all those Source Filmmaker porn videos Marie stars in.
ER, I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOURCE FILMMAKER?
Dreamweaver: He'll never beat Grumpy Cat in the popular votes.
Mike Martin: Iâ€™m all about this cat for POTUS:
Mike Martin: Little does Goof know, â€˜96 was the year I pulled out of his mother.
Dreamweaver: And nine months later, so did GoofierBrute.
Dreamweaver: It's... better if you don't get it.
Mike Martin: Little known fact: Brettâ€™s anus can comfortably fit a Mini now, or so Iâ€™ve heard.
Mike Martin: That was just fowl.
Dreamweaver: Boy, I say, boy, I agree a whole lot with that there statement.
Mike Martin: He got me there.
Dreamweaver: We are not talking about what orifices he pleasures you with, PLEASE DO NOT POINT TO IT.
Mike Martin: The last thing I need is a wife! WAYYYOOOOOOO!
God, Iâ€™m so lonely…
Dreamweaver: I'm pretty sure you can have his when that poster arrives.
From Review: Pony Island
Dreamweaver: I don't know what confuses me more: Nekro's story, or the fact that there's someone with a repeating username.
Mike Martin: Why did the aliens not warn us about Honey Boo-Boo? Wait…
Dreamweaver: Guess what else is cute and fit inside each other? :3
Mike Martin: Yâ€™all gonna fuck or what? I didnâ€™t lather all this mayonnaise on me for nothing!
Mike Martin: Fuck you mom.
Dreamweaver: Quite possibly literally.
Dreamweaver: So that's why his face looks like that.
Mike Martin: At least it wasnâ€™t a Kardashian.
Mike Martin: Did someone ban Link yet?
Dreamweaver: No, but I boned him (get it?). Close enough.
Mike Martin: What a rukker.
Dreamweaver: You kiss your mother with that mouth!?
Dreamweaver: His toaster ain't the only thing with dual slots. :3
Mike Martin: Iâ€™m hungry. I need some Taco Bell. Pretty sure that has hamster in it too.
Mike Martin: Is that a dick in the middle?
Dreamweaver: ...Cannot unsee.
Dreamweaver: ...These are not the nudes I was looking for.
Mike Martin: 0/10 No pink, shiny, wet looking, floppy meat worm.
Dreamweaver: Hail to the Chief, baby.
Mike Martin: The dildo bat accessory is what really set the whole thing off though.
Mike Martin: Well, it was a pleasure ravaging your passed out body and joining you this week. Thank for the honor of both and I hope to enter you again soon. To the rest of you: Je zuster is een hoer!
Dreamweaver: Ugh... what the hell happened to me? *looks at candy bar wrapper*
Must've gotten the sugar dizzies. I also apparently talk in my sleep. I'm weird like that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed watching me sleep the entire time! It's a shame that I couldn't bring you all the crazy comments of last week, but you know how I get when I get a little sugar in me.