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Comments of the Week - MY CANDY BAR! (featuring Mike Martin)


GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD evening, Destructoid! It's your lovely host, Dreamweaver, coming to you a-live, with the newest batch of-

Ooh, would you look at that delicious looking candy bar sitting in that totally suspicious alley! Now, I know what you're all thinking, but since there's only one of those babies, I'M CALLING DIBS! 

Golly, I hope it's slightly melted. Candy bars ALWAYS tastes better when it's slightly melted!



Mike Martin: Bruh, that ain’t no candy. Oh god, it’s all over.. your face... the fuck man? Hey, are you ok? Dream? DREAM! *watches horrified as Dreamweaver passes out* Well, guess I’ll help out this time. Butt first I need to attend to something… 

TRUTH: I put it in his butt while he was passed out. 

LOL: Oh wow, he wasn’t kidding. His wiener really is small.

WUT?: He has a tattoo of Burt Reynolds blowing Hilary Clinton on his stomach.

Dreamweaver: Oh Goddess... my tummy hurts (and my butt for some reason). And here I thought Destructoid going offline last week was the worst thing to happen to me! 

From Sony tried to trademark 'Let's Play'

Dreamweaver: Sounds devilishly delicious.

Mike Martin: Does anyone have Fritos? 

From Arc the Lad coming to PlayStation 4 this week

Dreamweaver: I'd arc her lad, if you know what I'd mean.

Damn kids always be ruining my MILF moments.

Mike Martin: They ruin it even worse if they start coming out during intercourse. 

From PSA: Maybe don't buy amiibo at flea markets

Dreamweaver: Don't get fuzzy, get funky.

Mike Martin: I got something fuzzy and funky, right here! Know whattamsayin? KIELBASA SAUSAGE! 

Dreamweaver: I'd do a rimshot, but there's a camera up there. :P

Mike Martin: Pretty sure that once I finished, your rim WAS shot. Also, that camera scratched my dick… and I liked it.  

From These official Mega Man headphones are sexy

Dreamweaver: Dibs on his Mega Buster!

I'm talking about his penis! :D

Mike Martin: Well shit… can we share? 

From Xbox goes soft as PlayStation users reclaim 'most porn watched'

Dreamweaver: *deletes internet history*

Mike Martin: *googles giantress footjob* 

From Mike Martin's picks for games that he picked in 2015

Dreamweaver: Don't forget the part where he came down a skylight and blew through a floor.

Mike Martin: A gentleman never kisses and tells. Alright, so I pulled off my Perry the Platypus underoos and then…  

From Rockstar North head leaves company after 17 month sabbatical

Mike Martin: I was actually thinking that it’d be nice to just have a 17 day vacation… 

Dreamweaver: Bruh, you ain't truly on vacation unless you're rocking a pair of shades like those.

From I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream is now on iOS, Android

Dreamweaver: Like when a hooker tells me she's pregnant.

Mike Martin: We have pregnant hookers? 

From With a little more time, The Division might be a fun romp with friends

Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Archelon!

Mike Martin: It’s a shame he split after that. 

Dreamweaver: See above response.

Mike Martin: It’s amazing what happens when videos are at different quality levels. 

From Target shopper arrested after pissing on games

Dreamweaver: Urine a lot of trouble, guys.

Mike Martin: This one pissed me off. 

From JRPG Stranger of Sword City coming to PS Vita, Xbox One, and maybe PC this March

Dreamweaver: Come on, can't you give him... a hand? :P

Mike Martin: Fucking entitled kids these days. 

From The Steam Winter Sale made a whole lot of money

Mike Martin: I’d groan at that, but I’m too chicken. 

Dreamweaver: Would you moan at that? ;P

Mike Martin: It’s on common grounds such as these, that we can come together and make a better world. 

To jerk off in. 

Dreamweaver: I just wished I passed my science class so I can get the joke.

From Danny Trejo apparently plays Fallout 4 as himself

Mike Martin: Every game should have the option to be Danny Trejo. 

Dreamweaver: I wonder if Matt Damon plays Fallout 4 as himself…

From I'm undecided when it comes to Heroes of the Storm's Greymane

Dreamweaver: I literally can't come up with a joke, this was too hilarious.

Mike Martin: You heard him, sit tha fuck down. 

From Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 delayed into March

Dreamweaver: Ew, I don't want my sperm to shoot back into my penis! Who knows where it's been! >^<

Mike Martin: *rocks back and forth, while clutching pee hole* It’ll be ok precious, it’ll be ok… Occams can’t hurt us here...

Mike Martin: Back pain is a titty thing to deal with. 

Dreamweaver: Must be because of all those Source Filmmaker porn videos Marie stars in.


From Republican candidate tried and failed to get the Duke Nukem bump

Dreamweaver: He'll never beat Grumpy Cat in the popular votes.

Mike Martin: I’m all about this cat for POTUS:

From Microsoft just stopped supporting Windows 8

Mike Martin: Little does Goof know, ‘96 was the year I pulled out of his mother. 

Dreamweaver: And nine months later, so did GoofierBrute.

From Info for 'amiibo dungeon' spotted on Twilight Princess HD Amazon listing

Dreamweaver: It's... better if you don't get it.

Mike Martin: Little known fact: Brett’s anus can comfortably fit a Mini now, or so I’ve heard. 

From Hitman's release structure changed, now fully episodic

Mike Martin: That was just fowl. 

Dreamweaver: Boy, I say, boy, I agree a whole lot with that there statement.

Mike Martin: He got me there. 

Dreamweaver: We are not talking about what orifices he pleasures you with, PLEASE DO NOT POINT TO IT.

From Have you received this free gift from Sony?

Mike Martin: The last thing I need is a wife! WAYYYOOOOOOO! 

God, I’m so lonely…
Dreamweaver: I'm pretty sure you can have his when that poster arrives.

From Review: Pony Island

Dreamweaver: I don't know what confuses me more: Nekro's story, or the fact that there's someone with a repeating username.

Mike Martin: Why did the aliens not warn us about Honey Boo-Boo? Wait…

From Man swears off Xbox after son spends $8,000 on FIFA microtransactions

Dreamweaver: Guess what else is cute and fit inside each other? :3

Mike Martin: Y’all gonna fuck or what? I didn’t lather all this mayonnaise on me for nothing! 

From Gone Home is a lot of things

Mike Martin: Fuck you mom. 

Dreamweaver: Quite possibly literally.

Dreamweaver: So that's why his face looks like that.

Mike Martin: At least it wasn’t a Kardashian. 


From Comments of the Week: The one after the blackout

Mike Martin: Did someone ban Link yet? 

Dreamweaver: No, but I boned him (get it?). Close enough.

From Finding Paradise, a sequel to To the Moon, has been announced

Mike Martin: What a rukker. 

Dreamweaver: You kiss your mother with that mouth!?

From Rise of the Tomb Raider minimum PC requirements

Dreamweaver: His toaster ain't the only thing with dual slots. :3

Mike Martin: I’m hungry. I need some Taco Bell. Pretty sure that has hamster in it too.  

From Another new fighter revealed for Pokken Tournament, and it's a hot one

Mike Martin: Is that a dick in the middle? 

Dreamweaver: ...Cannot unsee.

From Monster Monpiece gets Naked for cell phones

Dreamweaver: ...These are not the nudes I was looking for.

Mike Martin: 0/10 No pink, shiny, wet looking, floppy meat worm. 

From Do you have Aiden Pearce's 'iconic' cap? It goes great with Agent 47's 'iconic' tie

Dreamweaver: Hail to the Chief, baby.

Mike Martin: The dildo bat accessory is what really set the whole thing off though.  

Mike Martin: Well, it was a pleasure ravaging your passed out body and joining you this week. Thank for the honor of both and I hope to enter you again soon. To the rest of you: Je zuster is een hoer! 

Dreamweaver: Ugh... what the hell happened to me? *looks at candy bar wrapper*

Must've gotten the sugar dizzies. I also apparently talk in my sleep. I'm weird like that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed watching me sleep the entire time! It's a shame that I couldn't bring you all the crazy comments of last week, but you know how I get when I get a little sugar in me.

- "Petals dance for our valediction and synchronize to your frozen pulsation... Swirling wind sings for our reunion and 9.8 is my acceleration." - Mili

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About Dreamweaverone of us since 12:51 AM on 08.07.2009

Destructoid Trading Card courtesy of StriderHoang!

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:

"10 Thing about Me!"

"Top 10 Favorite Videogames!

"Most Life-Changing Game"

"Top 10 Fetishes"

I also used to write blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). There aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P

Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising

Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker

Part 3: Blazblue

Part 4: Super Mario Brothers

Part 5: [email protected]

Part 6: Persona 4

Splatoon (no doujinshi)

I don't just restrict myself to videogames though!

Two Siblings - Fela Pure

The Amazing World of Gumball porn (ya, really)

The Amazing World of Gumball porn part 2: Nicole Watterson edition!

Let's get a little (gay) hentai in here (NSFW!)

I'm not horsing around, but she is! (Oh, this is totally NSFW)

Another one of Dreamweaver's fetish blogs! You know you want some! (NSFW)

I also have done a couple of Comments of the Week! Check out some of the articles here!

Comments of the Week 1 - Prototype

Comments of the Week 2 - Ready for Round 2?

Comments of the Week 3 - Rhyme for Reasons

Comments of the Week 4 - Oh, dream-maker, you heart breaker...

Comments of the Week 5 - Number 5 has arrived!

Comments of the Week 6 - Better check the clock...

Comments of the Week 7 - From out of the blue!

Comments of the Week 8 - Alive once again!

Comments of the Week 9 - Robo Revolution!

Comments of the Week 10 - Don't need no Facebook

Comments of the Week 11 - Just can't live with you

Comments of the Week 12 - Crazy creations

Comments of the Week 13 - Just another day

Comments of the Week 14 - Prototype Pt.2

Comments of the Week 15 - It was just a Tuesday edition

Comments of the Week 16 - What you've been waiting for

Comments of the Week 17 - Monday surprise

Comments of the Week 18 - Kick that candy bar, I got a bounty for y'all

Comments of the Week 19 - The "Why am I not playing Splatoon right now?" edition

Comments of the Week 20 - "What the what!?" edition

Comments of the Week 21 - This tastes funny

Comments of the Week 22 - E3 2015 Edition

Comments of the Week 23 - A little too happy

Comments of the Week 24 - Am I doing it right?

Comments of the Week 25 - Doing things in the dark

Comments of the Week 26 - What's going on over there?

Comments of the Week 27 - Go ahead. Swallow.

Comments of the Week 28 - Let's all gather 'round!

Comments of the Week 29 - Can't get it up edition

Comments of the Week 30 - Keep crushing my weiners

Comments of the Week 31 - Don't open that door!

Comments of the Week 32 - Don't be scared, come inside

Comments of the Week 33 - Don't try this at home

Comments of the Week 34 - That kid's kawaii

Comments of the Week 35 - Major... I'M BURNING UP!

Comments of the Week 36 - You have eyes. What do your eyes see?

Comments of the Week 37 - In a place they'd never look.

Comments of the Week 38 - So our country could win.

Comments of the Week 39 - It makes a man hideous.

Comments of the Week 40 - Time for a taste test.

Comments of the Week 41 - Trick or Treat edition

Comments of the Week 42 - iDroid edition

Comments of the Week 43 - Atom bomb baby, little atom bomb

Comments of the Week 44 - Shadow of the Night

Comments of the Week 45 - バーガーベスト, ですよね?

Comments of the Week 46 - The Gift of Family

Comments of the Week 47 - My Gift to You

Comments of the Week 48 - Praise the Goddess, SANTA'S COMING!

Comments of the Week 49 - CHRISTMAS is OVER? Goddess damn it!

Comments of the Week 50 - We made it!

Comments of the Week 51 - The one after the blackout

Comments of the Week 52 - MY CANDY BAR! (featuring Mike Martin)

Comments of the Week 53 - Who in the world wished for snow?

Comments of the Week 54 - You're creeping me out

Comments of the Week 55 - Love Love Love

Comments of the Week 56 - Lots of Love

Comments of the Week 57 - New look, same great taste!

Comments of the Week 58 - Better late than never

Comments of the Week 59 - The 'still a week behind' edition!

Comments of the Week 60 - Don't reach for the remote, this is not a rerun!

Comments of the Week 61 - Still trying to catch up

Comments of the Week 62 - Working overtime

Comments of the Weel 63 - You're not seeing double!

Comments of the Week 64 - The reason why I'm not playing Quantum Break right now

Comments of the Week 65 - Take a break from Dark Souls III, you earned it.

Comments of the Week 66 - Take a load off!

Comments of the Week 67 - I needs it!

Comments of the Week 68 - Now we wait for Overwatch to come out.

Comments of the Week 69 - I see what you did there.

Comments of the Week 70 - We're all soldiers now.

Comments of the Week 71 - I will be watching over you.

Comments of the Week 72 - Die... Die... DIE...

Comments of the Week 73 - Ready to go primal

Comments of the Week 74 - E3 2016 Edition

Comments of the Week 75 - Activating self-destruct sequence!

Comments of the Week 76 - The 99.537% Reality

Behind the scenes look at Comments of the Week (Also, fuck it, totally NSFW!)

And just for giggles, here's a couple of blogs that I've personally enjoyed writing myself!

Videogame references in The Amazing World of Gumball (not porn edition)!

Pokemon Rap - Dibs on Miltank

Band of Bloggers: Stories from the Capital Wasteland

A Fantasy Fulfilled: Adventuring Akihabara

Short Story: Love Over Time (videogame related)

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 1: Siblings of the Summit

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 2: Siblings of the Stadium

Ice Climber fan fiction part 3: Siblings of the Subspace
Xbox LIVE:TraitortoHeaven
PSN ID:TraitortoHeaven


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