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LONG BLOG

Comments of the Week - Can't get it up edition

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Welcome back to Comments of the Week! While I may have been a bit away during the week, that didn't stop me from spying on you guys! Like Batman and Gotham City, I'm where the site needs me most so even though Gamescom saw a lot of news post and a bunch of comments to sort through, I still had time to surf through articles because, quite frankly, I am (hopefully temporary) sexually impotent and thus spent a lot less time watching porn and way more time watching YOU. SO START FUCKING ALREADY, DAMMIT!

Er, sorry about that. Nicole with half her shirt ripped off is hot, but I can't do a thing about it. Anyway, as always, comments are placed into three categories:

TRUTH: the average male ejaculates at 28 miles per hour.

LOL: I must not be average then!

WUT?: Because I can't do it at all. :(

Well, I guess it's a good thing we got that "community gathering" last week, eh? Don't tell me you forgot all about it!

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From Holy crap, this report on how Konami treats its employees is horrifying

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Dreamweaver: They can't. Konami ensures they NEVER leave.

From Entire 'Gears of War Collection' unlocked on Xbox One by playing Ultimate Edition

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Dreamweaver: You mean buying this game won't get me laid? What the fuck, Microsoft!

From The Lord of the Rings Online shuts down most of its worlds

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Dreamweaver: Right down to the multiple chins!

From Thimbleweed Park has an Anthony Burch doppelganger

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Dreamweaver: Bury the Burch.

From Comcept finally confirms that the Mighty No. 9 2016 delay is REAL

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Dreamweaver: I knew it wasn't my reflection!

From Here's the Mafia 3 trailer you've been waiting for

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Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Gaj!

From The Phantom Pain lets you sneak into players' bases and steal their men with wormholes

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Dreamweaver: Challenge accepted!

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Dreamweaver: At least he'll have something cool for his epitaph.

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Dreamweaver: I'd love to shower with Cooking Mama. I'd also eat her "dinner" with friends.

From Tony Hawk 5 replaces original bland style with bright cel-shading

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Dreamweaver: This is why I'd sooner go into a haunted mansion than go to Starbucks alone.

From Compare current, last-gen, and PC with this official Metal Gear Solid V gallery

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Dreamweaver: No, the lights keep the real monsters away!

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From New 'one-eyed snake' Pokemon teased in movie trailer

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Dreamweaver: Hey, only the teachers can give out Ds! Especially the female ones!

From Keiji Inafune: Is it too soon to start my next Kickstarter? (Fauxclusive)

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Dreamweaver: Still more expensive than what I spend on hookers.

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Dreamweaver: LISTEN TO THE BEAR.

From New Silent Hill announced, it's a slot machine

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Dreamweaver: Perro no.

From That's more like it, PlayStation Store summer sale

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Dreamweaver: If they bought Duck Dynasty at all, they probably don't know the number!

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Dreamweaver: Dammit Sony, it should've been 69 cents...

From What the balls is going on?

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Dreamweaver: Also cocks.

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Dreamweaver: BUT WHICH ONE?

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Dreamweaver: Do you drink your cat shakened, not stirred?

From Nintendo announces September dates for upcoming amiibo wave

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Dreamweaver: I'd pay to see that video. GET ON IT, JED.

From Some guy will pay $1,000 if you can recreate this Mario glitch

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Dreamweaver: Now that's what I call music!

From Final Fantasy XV confirmed for 2016 release

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Dreamweaver: It'd be weird for them to miss their 10th anniversary as well.

From The Xbox Elite controller's app lets you customize everything


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Dreamweaver: Dammit, I need to upgrade!

From Super Smash Con starts today, Brawl finals are tonight

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Dreamweaver: What a weird cuntry.

From Crackdown 3's full-on destruction is only in multiplayer

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Dreamweaver: ...Have you tried?

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From OMG YOU GUYS look at this parents against pot website

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Dreamweaver: Which lord? Matt Damon or Macho Man Randy Savage?

From Dynasty Warriors as we know it turns 15 years old today

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Dreamweaver: ...Why can't China just name everyone Bob?

From Tri-Ace and Spike Chunsoft unveil their new RPG

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Dreamweaver: No, you're just getting started. *eats popcorn*

From You Are Tearing Me Apart Destructoid!

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Dreamweaver: Bikes used to have penises until they had to be neutered.

From Konami does a cute 'act like a hero' Metal Gear Solid V commercial

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Dreamweaver: Proportions are important.

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Dreamweaver: Why do we let them help us during times of war again?

From Scalebound gameplay trailer reveals four-player co-op, coming holiday 2016

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Dreamweaver: So that's where he's been hiding...

From Mario's silhouette shows off his li'l dick

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Dreamweaver: Is his point his penis? Also, we need a dick-tective or else we'll never know Mario's penis size.

From The reality of Microsoft's backward compatibility ad is less impressive

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Dreamweaver: Why corn?

From Subnautica's Habitat Update makes living under the sea a bit more complicated

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Dreamweaver: EXPOSED!

From Why the Need for Speed reboot is always online

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Dreamweaver: How the hell did happened with two simple letters is beyond me.

From Here's when you'll be able to play Battleborn

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Dreamweaver: And that's the story about how Zyk was shamed into being a porn star.

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Dreamweaver: Kanye always did have a thing for botts.

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Dreamweaver: But even Kanye has standards.

Man, this was like a soap opera, but with robots! I can't think of a better way to end this week so I'll see you when I see you! As always, go down to the comments and mention which ones were your favorite down below. And no, this wasn't extra long to compensate for my flaccid penis!

- "Petals dance for our valediction and synchronize to your frozen pulsation... Swirling wind sings for our reunion and 9.8 is my acceleration." - Mili


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About Dreamweaverone of us since 12:51 AM on 08.07.2009



Destructoid Trading Card courtesy of StriderHoang!

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:

"10 Thing about Me!"

"Top 10 Favorite Videogames!

"Most Life-Changing Game"

"Top 10 Fetishes"

I also used to write blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). There aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P


Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising

Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker

Part 3: Blazblue

Part 4: Super Mario Brothers

Part 5: [email protected]

Part 6: Persona 4

Splatoon (no doujinshi)

I don't just restrict myself to videogames though!

Two Siblings - Fela Pure

The Amazing World of Gumball porn (ya, really)

The Amazing World of Gumball porn part 2: Nicole Watterson edition!

Let's get a little (gay) hentai in here (NSFW!)

I'm not horsing around, but she is! (Oh, this is totally NSFW)

Another one of Dreamweaver's fetish blogs! You know you want some! (NSFW)

I also have done a couple of Comments of the Week! Check out some of the articles here!

Comments of the Week 1 - Prototype

Comments of the Week 2 - Ready for Round 2?

Comments of the Week 3 - Rhyme for Reasons

Comments of the Week 4 - Oh, dream-maker, you heart breaker...

Comments of the Week 5 - Number 5 has arrived!

Comments of the Week 6 - Better check the clock...

Comments of the Week 7 - From out of the blue!

Comments of the Week 8 - Alive once again!

Comments of the Week 9 - Robo Revolution!

Comments of the Week 10 - Don't need no Facebook

Comments of the Week 11 - Just can't live with you

Comments of the Week 12 - Crazy creations

Comments of the Week 13 - Just another day

Comments of the Week 14 - Prototype Pt.2

Comments of the Week 15 - It was just a Tuesday edition

Comments of the Week 16 - What you've been waiting for

Comments of the Week 17 - Monday surprise

Comments of the Week 18 - Kick that candy bar, I got a bounty for y'all

Comments of the Week 19 - The "Why am I not playing Splatoon right now?" edition

Comments of the Week 20 - "What the what!?" edition

Comments of the Week 21 - This tastes funny

Comments of the Week 22 - E3 2015 Edition

Comments of the Week 23 - A little too happy

Comments of the Week 24 - Am I doing it right?

Comments of the Week 25 - Doing things in the dark

Comments of the Week 26 - What's going on over there?

Comments of the Week 27 - Go ahead. Swallow.

Comments of the Week 28 - Let's all gather 'round!

Comments of the Week 29 - Can't get it up edition

Comments of the Week 30 - Keep crushing my weiners

Comments of the Week 31 - Don't open that door!

Comments of the Week 32 - Don't be scared, come inside

Comments of the Week 33 - Don't try this at home

Comments of the Week 34 - That kid's kawaii

Comments of the Week 35 - Major... I'M BURNING UP!

Comments of the Week 36 - You have eyes. What do your eyes see?

Comments of the Week 37 - In a place they'd never look.

Comments of the Week 38 - So our country could win.

Comments of the Week 39 - It makes a man hideous.

Comments of the Week 40 - Time for a taste test.

Comments of the Week 41 - Trick or Treat edition

Comments of the Week 42 - iDroid edition

Comments of the Week 43 - Atom bomb baby, little atom bomb

Comments of the Week 44 - Shadow of the Night

Comments of the Week 45 - バーガーベスト, ですよね?

Comments of the Week 46 - The Gift of Family

Comments of the Week 47 - My Gift to You

Comments of the Week 48 - Praise the Goddess, SANTA'S COMING!

Comments of the Week 49 - CHRISTMAS is OVER? Goddess damn it!

Comments of the Week 50 - We made it!

Comments of the Week 51 - The one after the blackout

Comments of the Week 52 - MY CANDY BAR! (featuring Mike Martin)

Comments of the Week 53 - Who in the world wished for snow?

Comments of the Week 54 - You're creeping me out

Comments of the Week 55 - Love Love Love

Comments of the Week 56 - Lots of Love

Comments of the Week 57 - New look, same great taste!

Comments of the Week 58 - Better late than never

Comments of the Week 59 - The 'still a week behind' edition!

Comments of the Week 60 - Don't reach for the remote, this is not a rerun!

Comments of the Week 61 - Still trying to catch up

Comments of the Week 62 - Working overtime

Comments of the Weel 63 - You're not seeing double!

Comments of the Week 64 - The reason why I'm not playing Quantum Break right now

Comments of the Week 65 - Take a break from Dark Souls III, you earned it.

Comments of the Week 66 - Take a load off!

Comments of the Week 67 - I needs it!

Comments of the Week 68 - Now we wait for Overwatch to come out.

Comments of the Week 69 - I see what you did there.

Comments of the Week 70 - We're all soldiers now.

Comments of the Week 71 - I will be watching over you.

Comments of the Week 72 - Die... Die... DIE...

Comments of the Week 73 - Ready to go primal

Comments of the Week 74 - E3 2016 Edition

Comments of the Week 75 - Activating self-destruct sequence!

Comments of the Week 76 - The 99.537% Reality

Behind the scenes look at Comments of the Week (Also, fuck it, totally NSFW!)

And just for giggles, here's a couple of blogs that I've personally enjoyed writing myself!

Videogame references in The Amazing World of Gumball (not porn edition)!

Pokemon Rap - Dibs on Miltank

Band of Bloggers: Stories from the Capital Wasteland

A Fantasy Fulfilled: Adventuring Akihabara

Short Story: Love Over Time (videogame related)

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 1: Siblings of the Summit

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 2: Siblings of the Stadium

Ice Climber fan fiction part 3: Siblings of the Subspace
Xbox LIVE:TraitortoHeaven
PSN ID:TraitortoHeaven


 

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