Welcome back to Comments of the Week! While I may have been a bit away during the week, that didn't stop me from spying on you guys! Like Batman and Gotham City, I'm where the site needs me most so even though Gamescom saw a lot of news post and a bunch of comments to sort through, I still had time to surf through articles because, quite frankly, I am (hopefully temporary) sexually impotent and thus spent a lot less time watching porn and way more time watching YOU. SO START FUCKING ALREADY, DAMMIT!
Er, sorry about that. Nicole with half her shirt ripped off is hot, but I can't do a thing about it. Anyway, as always, comments are placed into three categories:
TRUTH: the average male ejaculates at 28 miles per hour.
LOL: I must not be average then!
WUT?: Because I can't do it at all. :(
Well, I guess it's a good thing we got that "community gathering" last week, eh? Don't tell me you forgot all about it!
Dreamweaver: They can't. Konami ensures they NEVER leave.
Dreamweaver: You mean buying this game won't get me laid? What the fuck, Microsoft!
Dreamweaver: Right down to the multiple chins!
Dreamweaver: Bury the Burch.
Dreamweaver: I knew it wasn't my reflection!
Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Gaj!
Dreamweaver: Challenge accepted!
Dreamweaver: At least he'll have something cool for his epitaph.
Dreamweaver: I'd love to shower with Cooking Mama. I'd also eat her "dinner" with friends.
Dreamweaver: This is why I'd sooner go into a haunted mansion than go to Starbucks alone.
Dreamweaver: No, the lights keep the real monsters away!
Dreamweaver: Hey, only the teachers can give out Ds! Especially the female ones!
Dreamweaver: Still more expensive than what I spend on hookers.
Dreamweaver: LISTEN TO THE BEAR.
Dreamweaver: Perro no.
Dreamweaver: If they bought Duck Dynasty at all, they probably don't know the number!
Dreamweaver: Dammit Sony, it should've been 69 cents...
Dreamweaver: Also cocks.
Dreamweaver: BUT WHICH ONE?
Dreamweaver: Do you drink your cat shakened, not stirred?
Dreamweaver: I'd pay to see that video. GET ON IT, JED.
Dreamweaver: Now that's what I call music!
Dreamweaver: It'd be weird for them to miss their 10th anniversary as well.
Dreamweaver: Dammit, I need to upgrade!
Dreamweaver: What a weird cuntry.
Dreamweaver: ...Have you tried?
Dreamweaver: Which lord? Matt Damon or Macho Man Randy Savage?
Dreamweaver: ...Why can't China just name everyone Bob?
Dreamweaver: No, you're just getting started. *eats popcorn*
Dreamweaver: Bikes used to have penises until they had to be neutered.
Dreamweaver: Proportions are important.
Dreamweaver: Why do we let them help us during times of war again?
Dreamweaver: So that's where he's been hiding...
Dreamweaver: Is his point his penis? Also, we need a dick-tective or else we'll never know Mario's penis size.
Dreamweaver: Why corn?
Dreamweaver: How the hell did happened with two simple letters is beyond me.
Dreamweaver: And that's the story about how Zyk was shamed into being a porn star.
Dreamweaver: Kanye always did have a thing for botts.
Dreamweaver: But even Kanye has standards.
Man, this was like a soap opera, but with robots! I can't think of a better way to end this week so I'll see you when I see you! As always, go down to the comments and mention which ones were your favorite down below. And no, this wasn't extra long to compensate for my flaccid penis!